How would you want to be "knocked back"?

Eve_Dublin · 20-02-2011 02:01PM #1

There´s been a fair few threads on women and their tactics for letting a man down in the pub. It seems most men have problems with our approach but I´d like to ask you men....if you started chatting up a woman and she wasn´t interested, how would you like to be let down? I think women are in a tough position sometimes...I know myself I don´t want to hurt anyone´s feelings and don´t want to knock the confidence of some guy who had the courage to approach me. Last night I was dancing away in a club here in Madrid and was approached by a Spanish guy who I´d absolutely no interest in plus I was dancing my backside off and having a good time with friends. I didn´t want to stop and converse so I pretended I didn´t understand him (he approached me in Spanish obviously), then he tried English and I pretended I didn´t understand that either and he gave up. I suppose I thought he can´t be hurt if I can´t converse with him (although I doubt he believed I´d no English with the big Northern European head on me)...that was my logic after a fair few beers anyway. Not my best let down and I felt bad but the auld Latins wouldn´t be shy in approaching and I suppose if I was to explain my lack of interest to every one of them (I don´t get approached all that often in fairness but this club was that kinda place). How can you knock back a guy nicely? When I´ve been honest and said I´m just not interested, I´ve had some very bad responses from guys.

So what do ya reckon guys? Let´s sort this out once and for all.

cantdecide · 20-02-2011 02:14PM

Just don't be rude or precious. White lies are the way to go. Be friendly and just say something like 'hey sorry, I can't really talk. I'm out catching up with old friends'.

IMO, most men don't think that every girl fancies him (contrary to popular belief) but if you do pluck up the courage, a little respect is appreciated. I know that I'm no Adonis but that doesn't mean I'm a creep. It is a knock when someone let's you have it with both barrels just because you're not their type...

amacachi · 20-02-2011 02:21PM

I'd like a reference to my balding or other ugliness, that way I don't have to think of ways to improve myself. :pac:

Sanjuro · 20-02-2011 02:32PM

If a guy acts like a dick when you say you're not interested, that's probably nothing to do with the way you said it, but more down to the guy being a dick in the first place. You probably did nothing wrong!

IMO, just be honest and polite. There's nothing worse for a guy to pluck up the courage to approach a girl and she either laughs at him or is very rude. It's a real confidence knocker. I once approached a girl and just went for it and she was very nice about it. She said 'I'm not really interested in getting into anything at the moment. But thank you for the compliment, it was really sweet.' We chatted for a little longer, and I moved on. Not embarrassed or disappointed, but glad I had taken the chance in the first place. It costs nothing to be nice, and it certainly doesn't lead to a knock in confidence.

Of course, if the guy's a dick about it, I fully believe you should tell him to piss off.

Larianne · 20-02-2011 02:36PM

Sanjuro wrote: »

If a guy acts like a dick when you say you're not interested, that's probably nothing to do with the way you said it, but more down to the guy being a dick in the first place. You probably did nothing wrong!

IMO, just be honest and polite. There's nothing worse for a guy to pluck up the courage to approach a girl and she either laughs at him or is very rude. It's a real confidence knocker. I once approached a girl and just went for it and she was very nice about it. She said 'I'm not really interested in getting into anything at the moment. But thank you for the compliment, it was really sweet.' We chatted for a little longer, and I moved on. Not embarrassed or disappointed, but glad I had taken the chance in the first place. It costs nothing to be nice, and it certainly doesn't lead to a knock in confidence.

Of course, if the guy's a dick about it, I fully believe you should tell him to piss off.

You can't be expected to do anything more than this.

Maguined · 20-02-2011 03:20PM

Sanjuro wrote: »

If a guy acts like a dick when you say you're not interested, that's probably nothing to do with the way you said it, but more down to the guy being a dick in the first place. You probably did nothing wrong!

IMO, just be honest and polite. There's nothing worse for a guy to pluck up the courage to approach a girl and she either laughs at him or is very rude. It's a real confidence knocker. I once approached a girl and just went for it and she was very nice about it. She said 'I'm not really interested in getting into anything at the moment. But thank you for the compliment, it was really sweet.' We chatted for a little longer, and I moved on. Not embarrassed or disappointed, but glad I had taken the chance in the first place. It costs nothing to be nice, and it certainly doesn't lead to a knock in confidence.

Of course, if the guy's a dick about it, I fully believe you should tell him to piss off.

This, honest and polite.

If the guy is mature and secure with himself he will not feel bad about receiving such a response, he will accept it and continue on with his night without feeling bad about it. If a guy reacts badly or pushy to this sort of let down then he is insecure, immature or just an asshole.

stupidusername · 20-02-2011 03:34PM

Recently had to tell a guy I didn't fancy him. and he didn't take it too well at all. got kinda nasty. I was trying not to take his reaction personally but it is hard sometimes.It wasn't an easy situation to get out of.

It's an automatic thing for me to be 100% honest, but my guy friends I've talked to say that you shouldn't be honest about it, but making up something seems silly and fake. and I'm not sure I could even think of something to say anyway.

TouchingVirus · 20-02-2011 04:45PM

A simple Sorry I'm not interested or You're not really my type will work. There's no need to get explicit with a "With you? Never" or "You're not my type, you're too fat/small/<other descriptor here>". Nice and polite

If a guy can't take it then that's too bad, don't feel bad about it

Snowie · 20-02-2011 05:55PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

There´s been a fair few threads on women and their tactics for letting a man down in the pub. It seems most men have problems with our approach but I´d like to ask you men....if you started chatting up a woman and she wasn´t interested, how would you like to be let down? I think women are in a tough position sometimes...I know myself I don´t want to hurt anyone´s feelings and don´t want to knock the confidence of some guy who had the courage to approach me. Last night I was dancing away in a club here in Madrid and was approached by a Spanish guy who I´d absolutely no interest in plus I was dancing my backside off and having a good time with friends. I didn´t want to stop and converse so I pretended I didn´t understand him (he approached me in Spanish obviously), then he tried English and I pretended I didn´t understand that either and he gave up. I suppose I thought he can´t be hurt if I can´t converse with him (although I doubt he believed I´d no English with the big Northern European head on me)...that was my logic after a fair few beers anyway. Not my best let down and I felt bad but the auld Latins wouldn´t be shy in approaching and I suppose if I was to explain my lack of interest to every one of them (I don´t get approached all that often in fairness but this club was that kinda place). How can you knock back a guy nicely? When I´ve been honest and said I´m just not interested, I´ve had some very bad responses from guys.

So what do ya reckon guys? Let´s sort this out once and for all.

I think its pretty ridicules moaning about, something that you cant really

(a) do anything about
(b) is going to happen if you approach women int he wrong manor for countless reasons
(c) she could be in a bad mood.
(d) completely pointless.
(e) and most of the owmen in irealnd arnt going to provide any imput.

At the end of the day some chick insults me cause i just made an attempt on chatting her up.... O no...

Now if you sensitive enough to take it as a personal insult and not bounce it off the cuff well then i think you need to look at your self a lot more, and not take things so serously.

it doesnt bother me if some woman verbally insults me or rejects me its life, well minous there verbal insult...

but sure it happens forming a group conversation about it really aint going to changes things

even tho its a pitty that it didn't. .. :pac:

Raekwon · 20-02-2011 06:05PM

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

At the end of the day some chick insults me cause i just made an attempt on chatting her up.... O no...

Now if you sensitive enough to take it as a personal insult and not bounce it off the cuff well then i think you need to look at your self a lot more, and not take things so serously.

it doesnt bother me if some woman verbally insults me or rejects me its life, well minous there verbal insult...

But that is the point of the tread (I think, OP back me up here

)

Why should women be allowed to personally insult men that try to engage in some polite conversation with them? I think that its ridiculous to even condone such behaviour.

If the shoe was on the other foot and some girl approached a guy and he said something like "Ha, in your dreams fatty", wouldn't you think that he was acting like an arrogant a**hole? So why is it 'normal' for women to do it?

Jumpy · 20-02-2011 06:09PM

Raekwon wrote: »

But that is the point of the tread (I think, OP back me up here )

Why should women be allowed to personally insult men that try to engage in some polite conversation with them? I think that its ridiculous to even condone such behaviour.

If the shoe was on the other foot and some girl approached a guy and he said something like "Ha, in your dreams fatty", wouldn't you think that he was acting like an arrogant a**hole? So why is it 'normal' for women to do it?

I think she should be allowed. It lets you know that you had a lucky escape.

stupidusername · 20-02-2011 06:16PM

I think generally irish people need to cop on a bit when it comes to being asked out. I mean a girl or guy should be able to ask someone out without worrying about feeling like **** for it, either by being laughed at or by being insulted. I mean there's no need for it. I really wish it was easier to do. cause more guys would have the courage to do it, and girls like me might actually get asked out. and i would never say something like 'ha not in a million years'. I mean whatever, think you're the greatest looking person in the world just don't look down on other people cause you consider them out of your 'league'

pragmatic1 · 20-02-2011 06:20PM

Raekwon wrote: »

But that is the point of the tread (I think, OP back me up here )

Why should women be allowed to personally insult men that try to engage in some polite conversation with them? I think that its ridiculous to even condone such behaviour.

If the shoe was on the other foot and some girl approached a guy and he said something like "Ha, in your dreams fatty", wouldn't you think that he was acting like an arrogant a**hole? So why is it 'normal' for women to do it?

+1. So true.

Raekwon · 20-02-2011 06:24PM

Jumpy wrote: »

I think she should be allowed. It lets you know that you had a lucky escape.

That is true, but respect goes both ways, if women realised this and stopped boosting their own egos then we would all probably get along much better

Snowie · 20-02-2011 06:55PM

Raekwon wrote: »

But that is the point of the tread (I think, OP back me up here )

Why should women be allowed to personally insult men that try to engage in some polite conversation with them? I think that its ridiculous to even condone such behaviour.

If the shoe was on the other foot and some girl approached a guy and he said something like "Ha, in your dreams fatty", wouldn't you think that he was acting like an arrogant a**hole? So why is it 'normal' for women to do it?

but it does happen...

Talking and moaning about it, is not going to change anything how ever emailing some radio talk shows.

Your not going to change anything here. its a debate about what how irish women insult irish men...

can you blame them with some of the half assed atitudes they have ?

milli milli · 20-02-2011 08:03PM

Sanjuro wrote: »

I once approached a girl and just went for it and she was very nice about it. She said 'I'm not really interested in getting into anything at the moment. But thank you for the compliment, it was really sweet.'

I have to say, this comment speaks volumes about the girl. She's obviously a mature, confident, well adjusted individual.
The response you get from people does say a lot about them.
I'm a polite person and will chat to whoever approaches me, whether I fancy them or not. If a guy is plastered drunk where he can barely string a sentence together or is just being a bit of a dick then I will be a little cool but it would take a lot for me to tell a guy to piss off. Like I would have to have been insulted or be having a really bad day and the guy would have to lecherous.

If I wasn't interested I would usually tell the guy I had a boyfriend. I would never say I didn't fancy them. I might use the above line the girl used. It let's them down gently.

cantdecide · 20-02-2011 08:24PM

milli milli wrote: »

I have to say, this comment speaks volumes about the girl. She's obviously a mature, confident, well adjusted individual.
The response you get from people does say a lot about them.
I'm a polite person and will chat to whoever approaches me, whether I fancy them or not. If a guy is plastered drunk where he can barely string a sentence together or is just being a bit of a dick then I will be a little cool but it would take a lot for me to tell a guy to piss off. Like I would have to have been insulted or be having a really bad day and the guy would have to lecherous.

If I wasn't interested I would usually tell the guy I had a boyfriend. I would never say I didn't fancy them. I might use the above line the girl used. It let's them down gently.

Good for you. The 'I have a boyfriend' thing is fine too if youve been specifically asked for a dance or drink etc. If he has just said hello, then it is likely to be taken as PFO.

tallaghtmick · 20-02-2011 09:08PM

the way id like to be knocked back is for the woman to point me in the direction of a woman that would have me

:pac:

PK2008 · 20-02-2011 09:38PM

No one likes to be knocked back but a lot of guys make a bigger deal of it then it is.

Half the stories about girls insulting a guy whose just being nice are obviously one sided and I would guess tinged with a little bitterness. Even if the girl does tell you to pi55 off just take it like a man- she doesn't owe you anything.

You take a shot, if she doesn't want to know then just leave her alone, thats life.

Dudess · 20-02-2011 10:37PM

Raekwon wrote: »

That is true, but respect goes both ways, if women realised this and stopped boosting their own egos then we would all probably get along much better

Yes, respect goes both ways - that would include not making sweeping statements implying one gender has the monopoly on boosting their egos.

JohnMearsheimer · 20-02-2011 11:00PM

Just be nice and straight up about it. If you've no interest just say so.

I recently moved to Vancouver and met an English girl in a bar on my first night here. We got on great and the next day I asked her out and she said no. I thought fair enough, move on.

Two days later she asked me if I wanted to meet up with her, I did and we spent pretty much the whole of the last month together doing everything and anything. All our mutual friends thought we were together. Anyway, things were coming to a head and I told her how I felt, she told me she felt the same way......and then told me she had a boyfriend. We spoke about previous relationships we've had in the past but she never once mentioned she had a current boyfriend back in the UK. It's not like an opportunity to mention it didn't come up. I asked her why she didn't mention it and she said she thought I wouldn't want to be friends with her and that she'd ruin a good thing.

If she had been upfront from the beginning, what happened wouldn't have happened......and I wouldn't be a cranky bastard for the past few days.

Up-n-atom! · 21-02-2011 12:59AM

I'm usually pretty blunt about what I think, and it's been appreciated in the past - I've been thanked for my honesty (if that isn't a bit weird!). I don't play games, and that's best, esp when the person is like the last poster and the situation is a bit more developed than a one-off an approach in a bar or club.

Raekwon · 21-02-2011 01:06AM

Dudess wrote: »

Yes, respect goes both ways - that would include not making sweeping statements implying one gender has the monopoly on boosting their egos.

Accusing me of making sweeping statements in this thread is being both melodramatic and patronising. I think that most people would agree that the vast majority of men at least take the initiative in approaching the opposite sex. Agreed? Therefore men obviously get the most knock backs which would obviously mean that the opportunity for women to boost their egos by giving knock backs would be much greater? Right? It's elementary arithmetic

darragh16 · 21-02-2011 01:30AM

Once she's not a bitch about it or when she leads you on for ages, you end up losing your mates for the night and its just like, "ah here!".

Just lie to me!

pragmatic1 · 21-02-2011 08:19AM

PK2008 wrote: »

No one likes to be knocked back but a lot of guys make a bigger deal of it then it is.

Half the stories about girls insulting a guy whose just being nice are obviously one sided and I would guess tinged with a little bitterness. Even if the girl does tell you to pi55 off just take it like a man- she doesn't owe you anything.

You take a shot, if she doesn't want to know then just leave her alone, thats life.

Imagine its the girl doing the asking and the man is being blunt about it.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 21-02-2011 10:31AM

Be polite but don't flirt.

Elle Collins · 21-02-2011 05:46PM

milli milli wrote: »

I'm a polite person and will chat to whoever approaches me, whether I fancy them or not.

Well I wouldn't. There's no onus on me to chat to men I don't know.

If a man is polite to me in his approach I am polite in return, but what I have found amazing (and disturbing) about the way some men approch women in pubs/clubs is that many of them have an instantanious personality transplant the moment you make it clear that actually no, you're not about to fall on the flat of your back with your legs in the air for them.

Time after time I've encountered and witnessed drunken agression from men in these situations, so men, if you're wondering why some women are in the habit of being needlessly rude, it is highly likely that they will have encountered the same attitudes and are just waiting for you to morph into an agressive and unreasonable prick.

bobdole968 · 21-02-2011 05:50PM

no time for love dr. jones

milli milli · 21-02-2011 07:07PM

I'm a polite person and will chat to whoever approaches me, whether I fancy them or not.

Elle Collins wrote: »

Well I wouldn't. There's no onus on me to chat to men I don't know.

So if a guy you weren't interested in approached you, you would completely ignore him?

HavingCrack · 21-02-2011 08:59PM

milli milli wrote: »

So if a guy you weren't interested in approached you, you would completely ignore him?

Nothing necessarily wrong with this either, it's not as if a woman owes anything to a strange (not meant in a bad way) man who just starts talking to her. If you're sitting on a train and someone starts talking to you and you just want to be left alone do you have to have a conversation with them? Clearly not.

Now is it rude to ignore someone who start's chatting to you? Yes and no depending on how they approach. Do you 'owe' them a conversation? Simple answer is no. They might consider you a rude, arrogant pri*k but that's irrelevant.

whiteonion · 22-02-2011 01:09AM

Swear at me, spit me in the face, throw your drink in my face, slap me. I can take anything you can throw at me and just laugh it off.

How would you want to be "knocked back"?

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