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There's a badger in my boiler

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  • 05-08-2009 11:58pm
    #1
    My name is URL
    Registered Users Posts: 25,067 ✭✭✭✭


    I was half asleep / half fapping to Skins lesbian action when all of a sudden I heard this awful sound

    It was like nothing I heard before

    I thought at first that a cat had been hit by a car and was dieing but I couldn't see anything so I went around the back of my house and heard the sound again

    It's coming from the boiler house.. I turned the light on and looked through the ventilation lats

    There's a fcuking badger in there!

    I had accidentally left the door open last night and closed it this morning while heading out and never noticed it

    What should I do? It seems pissed and there's a bit of distance between the boiler house and my back door, so if I let it out it'll probably go for me

    halp!


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Comments

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    #2
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Get that chap with the newspaper to have a look at the badger for you.


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    #3
    piby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 539 ✭✭✭piby


    Well whatever you do don't let it trick you into giving it the car keys . . .

    No seriously just use a broom or something to open the door and then just run away!

    Thanks for reminding me Skins was on I looove that episode!


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    #4
    My name is URL
    Registered Users Posts: 25,067 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Ruu wrote: »
    Get that chap with the newspaper to have a look at the badger for you.

    lol

    These are the perils of being a muck savage


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    #5
    c0rk3r
    Registered Users Posts: 1,256 ✭✭✭c0rk3r


    Before you do anything get a video camera and record whatever you do.


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    #6
    gamgsam
    Registered Users Posts: 292 ✭✭gamgsam


    Cover yourself in marmite

    He'd have to be a dirty fecker to eat you then


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    #7
    brummytom
    Registered Users Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    my re teacher said badgers are relly dangerous so dont touchit.. do uou have an rspca thing there?call them


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    #8
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Did it hurt........I need to know before I herd any badger towards my ample boiler.........we're talking metaphores, right.


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    #9
    Ro: maaan!
    Registered Users Posts: 6,592 ✭✭✭Ro: maaan!


    Does the door open in or out? If out, open it but leave it closed over. It will eventually push up against it and escape on it's own. If in, do as other poster said, push it open with something long and hard. Or a brush if you're worried it will go for you.


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    #10
    Senna
    Registered Users Posts: 8,800 ✭✭✭Senna


    FFS, be a man and punch it between the eyes, Chuck Norris style


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    #11
    shenanigans1982
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭shenanigans1982


    Leave it till tomorrow then call a friend/relative around for something unrelated then ask them to check the boiler.


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    #12
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Roll up a magazine and use it to hit the badger.


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    #13
    Dartz
    Registered Users Posts: 4,371 ✭✭✭Dartz


    Light the Boiler.


    Badgers are supposed to be nice roasted....


    Either that... or try Mushrooms.


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    #14
    thomond2006
    Registered Users Posts: 45,433 ✭✭✭✭thomond2006


    There's bees in my dungerees, ants in my pants and grass in my ***.

    What to do?


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    #15
    RonMexico
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,916 ✭✭✭RonMexico


    Leave it in there and call some bloke to service the boiler tomorrow and make sure you video the resulting carnage.:D

    Seriously take a photo or something. We must have footage!!


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    #16
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    shenanigans1982 wrote: »
    Leave it till tomorrow then call a friend/relative around for something unrelated then ask them to check the boiler.
    There's actually a badger, ok we're in recessionary times you are sorted for food for the week. Whack it anywhere that makes it easier to put it in a pot. Get carrots, spuds, no cllery I hate cellery, Oh by the way I'm coming to dinner.


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    #17
    My name is URL
    Registered Users Posts: 25,067 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

    It's still out the back though, harassing me

    http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg

    thanks guise!

    they're nothing like they are in Apres Match =p

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejYxgCgshfk


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    #18
    Pj!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,783 ✭✭✭Pj!


    Somehow, this might help


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    #19
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    My name is URL wrote: »
    I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

    It's still out the back though, harassing me

    http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg
    This is very important, URL, do you have a pot big enough?


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    #20
    Armin_Tamzarian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭Armin_Tamzarian


    Before confronting it make sure you're carrying a stick.
    When the badger bites into your leg, snap the stick.
    The silly old badger will have been listening out for the sound of your bone breaking and the sound of the stick snapping will fool him.

    Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
    Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:


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    #21
    Leftyflip
    Registered Users Posts: 7,463 ✭✭✭Leftyflip


    He's watching yooooh!


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    #22
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »
    Before confronting it make sure you're carrying a stick.
    When the badger bites into your leg, snap the stick.
    The silly old badger will have been listening out for the sound of your bone breaking and the sound of the stick snapping will fool him.

    Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
    Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:
    How about try lettin him bite the bloody stick and save the leg....


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    #23
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »
    Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
    Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:

    Or it might have rabies and your fucked.


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    #24
    Armin_Tamzarian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭Armin_Tamzarian


    Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »
    How about try lettin him bite the bloody stick and save the leg....

    The badger might be silly but he's not retarded.


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    #25
    jumpguy
    Registered Users Posts: 7,962 ✭✭✭jumpguy


    Shoot the bastard! Trespassing of the highest drgree.


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    #26
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »
    The badger might be silly but he's not retarded.
    Genius, you can tell that from one photo....


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    #27
    zonEEE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,554 ✭✭✭zonEEE


    If you are going to tackle it somehow, wear a pair of wellys with little twigs in them as when a badger hooks onto ur leg he wont stop untill he hears a crack. Farmers usually use that as he hears the twig snaping and thinks its your leg


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    #28
    Super-Rush
    Registered Users Posts: 19,473 ✭✭✭✭Super-Rush


    My name is URL wrote: »
    I was half asleep / half fapping to Skins lesbian action when all of a sudden I heard this awful sound

    It was like nothing I heard before

    I thought at first that a cat had been hit by a car and was dieing but I couldn't see anything so I went around the back of my house and heard the sound again

    It's coming from the boiler house.. I turned the light on and looked through the ventilation lats

    There's a fcuking badger in there!

    I had accidentally left the door open last night and closed it this morning while heading out and never noticed it

    What should I do? It seems pissed and there's a bit of distance between the boiler house and my back door, so if I let it out it'll probably go for me

    halp!

    He can smell you, he's randy.


  • Options
    #29
    shenanigans1982
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭shenanigans1982


    My name is URL wrote: »
    I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

    It's still out the back though, harassing me

    http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg

    That picture looks like it was taken from inside the boiler where he now has you trapped.


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    #30
    Joey the lips
    Registered Users Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    Phone Bear Gryllis. He does wonderful things with badgers


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    #31
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    Forky wrote: »
    Somehow, this might help


    That is brilliant and strangely hypnotic!


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