Actual Analogies & Metaphors Found in High School Essays

Seaneh

Actual Analogies & Metaphors Found in High School Essays
_______________ ‹› _______________

‹› Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

‹› His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

‹› He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

‹› She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-
temperature Canadian beef.

‹› She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

‹› Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

‹› He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

‹› The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

‹› The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

‹› McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

‹› From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

‹› Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

‹› The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

‹› Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

‹› They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

‹› John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

‹› He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
the East River.

‹› Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

‹› The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

‹› The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from
not eating for a while.

‹› "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like
a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

‹› He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

‹› The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

‹› He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

‹› It was an American tradition, like a father chasing around his
children with power tools.

‹› She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

‹› She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

‹› It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.

Pugsley

Pretty old list that, bloody great tho

Sarky

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
a bowling ball wouldn't.

There's a tribute to Terry Pratchett's writing if ever there was one. Good man for having tasteful reading influences.:D

Seaneh

Originally posted by Sarky
There's a tribute to Terry Pratchett's writing if ever there was one. Good man for having tasteful reading influences.:D

It reminds me far more of Douglas Adams...

Tyrrial

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

brilliant, it to reminds me of Douglas Adams. i love that guy!:D

cat_rant

ive seen those before but still cracks me up! rofl

zAbbo

Yeah a fair few seem Douglas Adams inspired

gg ¬_¬

SoundWave

Originally posted by Seaneh
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

love it

Mistakill

Originally posted by Seaneh

‹› Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

‹› The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

‹› The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

‹› The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from
not eating for a while.

‹› It was an American tradition, like a father chasing around his
children with power tools.

‹› It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
it to the wall.

read them before but these ones still make me burst out laughing. In fact i think ill add one of them to my sig

[edit]
done
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Sauron

‹› Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

lol

BoobeR

LOL class! never seen that one before mind you

This one HAD to be a girl

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

"Like!! WHATEVEEEEERRRRRR!!!" rofl

AL][EN

rofl

ive never herd of most of them before had me laughing for a while

very good

ColinM

Yeah, Douglas Adams's books were full of those kind of "un-metaphors" like that bowling ball one.
I seriously doubt that they were genuinely taken from American high school kids' essays though. I'm not saying that they don't have the ability for intelligent humour, but alot of them sound like they were written by the same person. I'd say they're written by a professional author or comedian.

Anyway, they are brilliant. Thanks for posting them.

Bard

Yeah, Douglas Adams's books were full of those kind of "un-metaphors" like that bowling ball one

I especially like the one from the beginning of the first Hitchhikers Guide book that said: "The Vogon ships hung there in the sky - exactly like bricks don't."

BigEejit

‹› John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

I have not seen most of them before, the ones I did see were in peoples sigs ..... they are brilliant though...

vibe666

funny stuff.

Being as I'm halfway through the trilogy of four at the moment, it's got added poignency, but yeah, very funny stuff.:D