Worse translated moments

Retr0gamer

Firstly anyone that comes on this thread screaming 'all your base are belong to us' or anything from Zerowing will be personally hunted down by me and gutted like the dogs they are. Therefore only mention games you have actually played. And no, you can't say it even if some one said it to you during CS, TFC or whatever

What is in your opinion the worse case of bad jap translation, such as your favourite 'Hey you, child young, help us must you okay' RPG moments. No matter how bad it is you still find it amusing.

Heres some of mine:

Alien Soldier

"Visualshock! Speedshock! Soundshock! Now is the time to the 68000 heart on fire!"
What the hell were treasure smoking! Some theorys include joints soaked in LSD and Optrex.

Metal Gear (NES)

This can only be found on the dire NES version and not the great MSX version. Everytime you got in the back of a truck you were greeted with "The truck have started moving". For something that happens so often you would have thought some one in Konami would have noticed. Also there are gaurds that say "I think I'll go to sleep now" before nodding off. Crazy.

Resident Evil

Ah the master of unlocking moment. What a classic. When I heard it first I almost died laughing. Then there were other classics like the jibble sandwich joke and the root of the problem joke as well as the examining the blood scene. Unbelievably unintenionably funny.

Final Fantasy 2 (4 jap)

"You spoony bard!" is to FF heads what "the master of unlocking" is to Resi heads. For gods sake would you call some one spoony. The best thing is that square kept it in the PS remake even though it was retranslated cos it is so famous.

Chrono Trigger

Not even Ted Woolseys woeful translation of this game could spoil it but some of the 'jokes' he snuck in brought tears of anger to my eyes. The worst was definitely the 'Jurassic Pork' joke.

Sloth

Gargoyle's quest on the gameboy was so badly translated it was just plain confusing. Stuff like this when you went up to someone and asked them for the level password:

"The password is 44500-55500. I will now give you the password. Firebrand! Not forget it never."

"I have the power to destroy all. I have lost this power long ago. You will find it for me Firebrand and return it to me. Go hastily!"

Oh and there was also this bit where you had to find the correct corridor through a desert. It should have been simple enough but since someone at the translation department clearly didn't know their numbers they ended up getting the facts wrong. The right passage was number 7 but you got told:

"To cross the dangerous desert take haste with entrance 5, it will lead you to the truth way."

Retr0gamer

Me thinks you win

Sloth

I know no one else who ever owned or played this game, I'm not even sure how I ended up having it in the first place but somehow it's there nestled amongst all the other gameboy games I've amassed over the years.

"Go now cautionally, there is great danger in front."

Retr0gamer

Might get the rom and use some of the lines for my signature

Sarky

There was a game on the Amiga called Apidya (think R-Type set in a garden, with end of level caterpillars)

While the intro wasn't all that badly translated, in that it made grammatic sense, it was very, very silly. It started off with a pic of a castle with the scene-setting text " 19xx. Somewhere in the world". I find it hilarious to this day.

BLITZ_Molloy

Treasure dialogue is always so fantastic that a bad translation can't ruin it.

The translations that annoy me the most are the ones full of irritating americanisms; Zelda, Final Fantasy etc. They're just so utterly trite at times.