Some Advice!!

AL][EN

Well i say to hell with i say ive read the charter for this section of boards im well aware that boards arent liable in any way for what is said here but i need to say this or im going to go F*!King insane

I need a bit of advise on a personal issue

I moved from my home in dublin about 8 months ago to a new job in cork. I was living in dublin previously for nearly 5 years and as you can imagine i built up quite a life for myself. I had lots of friends an active social life (but hey who doesnt like the odd pint every now and again) i found a girl one i really liked and at one point she may even have liked me.

but as with most things in my life that ive experienced it doesnt last, i had to move to cork because its the only place i could get a decent job as i was "let go" from my last place of employment
so i went to cork to try to start a new life but the problem is i keep thinking of my friends and life that i left behind espically the girl i left behind. [to be continued.......]

Typedef

Go visit.

If the girlie feels the same way... maybe she'd move... or if you feel strongly enough about her, then you should move, if she is willing.

Else... get on with your life.

AL][EN

I now live in a TINY village the size of a moderate dublin sized car park and im going totally out of mind my. Ive gotten pretty depressed and was put on anti depressants and told to take a week off work. which in the 8 months i have lived in my hamlet village ive made no friends attempted to make no social life
at all.

because i had to move to cork i had to give up the girl i think i loved the life i used to have and all my friends

was it really worth it???

so im being open about this if you were in my shoes what would you do?

any advise or suggestions id be grateful

AL][EN

Originally posted by Typedef
Go visit.

If the girlie feels the same way... maybe she'd move... or if you feel strongly enough about her, then you should move, if she is willing.

Else... get on with your life.

she used to feel the same way about me i think and i do visit
as often as i can but i dont think she'd leave dublin to come live in the sticks shes smarter than that

thanks for the advise tho i'll give it some though

Emboss

Are you having problems making friends/meeting people in Cork ?
Hows does the girl feel about the whole thing ? tbh I would rather have a job i didn't like and be on **** money and be around my friends/gf than be in a great job loads of money and no one to enjoy it with, it's only being 8 months maybe give it a little bit of more time ? would the girl consider moving to Cork ?

Emboss

Gordon

And do you enjoy the job? Which seems to be the only thing keeping you in Cork. ?

Typedef

I'm in Tralee for a job.

Then again, I had no significant other in Dublin, so, I had nothing to keep me there.

Basically. Plus, my current employers, will probably let me used Linux as my workstation OS.

So that has to be good.
/nerd

Velvet Vocals

Go back to Dublin - I know that's easy for me to say but if something is making you feel so bad that your on antidepressant's (which wont help by the way) then you need to change it. Just keep you eye on the job pages and take the first one that's even half way decent.

Beruthiel

If country life is for you then it can be wonderful, but you have to want to be there. You don’t, you want to be back with your old life, I say go back if you are that miserable.
I originally come from the country but I love living in Dublin. Years ago, I made the mistake of leaving Dublin for the country, I lived in Castlebar for 5 years, there’s nothing wrong with Castlebar, it’s a nice town but I hated living there. Hard to break into the clicks to make friends, hard if your different, claustrophobic, ick! I couldn’t get back to Dublin fast enough!
My sister is totally different, lives out in the boonies and has never been happier.
Move back, if you are as miserable as you seem from your post, you have to ask, is the job worth it?

AL][EN

Originally posted by Gordon
And do you enjoy the job? Which seems to be the only thing keeping you in Cork. ?

actually i love the job its the only thing thats keeping me in cork.
I kinda like it down here i mean the jobs great and the people here are really nice. but in answer to emboss's question yea i do have a problem making friends in cork i went from living in a city like dublin to living in a small village in cork (the size of a moderatly sized car park in dublin) i kid you not i suppose its culture shock really

I dont think she'll come down to cork she's living in Dublin all her family and friends are in dublin there's no real reason why she'd move to cork i wouldnt ask her to. but i probably should talk to her about the whole thing at least to let her know how i feel about her its just i dont really want to for the moment as she's going through a rough patch at the moment and i dont want to make things worse,

AL][EN

the funny thing is i was born and raised in the country (a waterford man at heart) but i been in dublin for so long i built up a life with really great friends (you know who you are if your reading this) and people im crazy about so as you can imagine its a little hard for me to let go of the past.

with a bit of luck i'll get my driving licence pretty soon and at least i can visit all my friends so you never know what will happen

*my bro jokes with me what i need is a *GF* and he's probably right but if i go looking for a GF down here im afraid that i wont get back to dublin you know thats probably why i dont want to make too many friends down here

does that sound crazy to you????

jammy_dodger

does that sound crazy to you????

No, not really.
I think what you need is some stability, and get your priorities straight.(Friends, family, career,travel, ect.)
I mean your afraid to commit to your life in Cork, cause if you leave you'll have to go through all this again, Which is a poor position to put yourself in.
Id say get out of Cork and watch the job market in Dublin for a while, to see if something comes up, and while your doing this, figure out what it is exactly you want from life, and maybe work things out with that lady you like.

Good luck

AL][EN

Originally posted by jammy_dodger
No, not really.
I think what you need is some stability, and get your priorities straight.(Friends, family, career,travel, ect.)
I mean your afraid to commit to your life in Cork, cause if you leave you'll have to go through all this again, Which is a poor position to put yourself in.
Id say get out of Cork and watch the job market in Dublin for a while, to see if something comes up, and while your doing this, figure out what it is exactly you want from life, and maybe work things out with that lady you like.

Good luck

thanks for the advise i'll start watching the market in dublin and see if something comes up

AL][EN

This is just a quick post to say thanks to all who replied to the thread and a little update for you in case your interested:

I'm going to move back to dublin (already looking for jobs) your all right i'll be happier there. and as for the girl im crazy about when i get back there and when she's feeing better (its going to take a few years) but when shes better im gonna sit down and have a coffee with her and talk to her about the whole thing, so keep your fingers crossed for me,

so thanks to everyone who gave there advise gawd bless boards.ie

P.S A BIG BIG thank you goes out to one of you that sat me down and thumped me until 4 in the morning until i realised the error of my ways in case your reading this you know who you are. Thank you for your help you dont know how much it means (ok i'll stop its getting corny now)

I've put most of my demons to rest (without the need for an old priest and young priest and some holy water) so thanks

Nevyn

any time dear you need a good thumping I am happy to do so

Wolf

Hehe iv been where you are.

Look at the end of the day you moved for the job right?

Why do we try to get good jobs? To make us money and make us happy right?

Well you might have the job but you obviously arent happy. **** the job pack it in asap. Go back to Dublin get a job working in Mac Ds ffs, work in Dunnes, work where ever you can, at least you will be with your friends.

You might be a bit poorer but you will be with your friends and probably alot happier. What good is money and good job if your going nuts because you have no friends and social life!

Follow your heart and get your ass back in Dublin by hook or by crook

AL][EN

Thats the Plan Wolf,

As much as i love the job down here it took me a while to realize where my life should be going and its deff back in dublin where it should be. As for following my heart well thats a little more complicated than id like it to be but as i said before nothing's impossible so i'll just have to wait and see

thanks again for the advise

Wolf

When I said follow your heart I didnt just mean about weeemon and the leik.

The thing is as a bit of a general point is that your head will often lie to you by telling you to do the sensible thing like go for the job, but your heart will always tell you the truth it cant lie to you. Your heart would have told you to stay in Dublin while your head said go and get the good job. Its just a general point for life that I find is a good help.

I mean a weird thing to say but if you died tomoz would you have rathered having a good job and been pissed off in Cork or would you rather have a crap job and be happy in Dub?

AL][EN

a fine point i didnt really look at it like that

up to now in my life ive followed my head and not my heart
which was the biggest mistake ive ever made it cost me alot
and id prefer to be happy in dublin earning minimum wage in a 5h*tty job with all my friends and the people i care about most near me that earning a high wage in cork with no friends no GF no life.

makes you think really

Wolf

And thats why im flicking my crappy job and off to Ozzy land in a few weeks

Just always keep that in mind and you will be happier

Kalina

Maybe in a couple of years when you get yourself sorted with your girl, a job and some stability you may find that you want to move back down to the great job that you've had to leave in Cork. Or you might get an equally great job in Dublin.
Either way I hope it works out for you.

ColinM

Originally posted by AL][EN
I'm going to move back to dublin (already looking for jobs) your all right i'll be happier there.

No you won't be. You may think you will be, but you won't, because you haven't resolved anything yet. The grass is always greener on the other side, mate. You will probably be back to the same emotional state no matter where you go.

I read your post when you first wrote, but I didn't bother replying because I figured Typedef had given you all the answer you needed (and extremely quickly aswell!). You are hung up on a girl who doesn't feel the same way as you do. No matter where you were it would seem a grey place to you because of this. Don't waste your time waiting for "bad patches" to be "gone through". If you want to find out how she really feels about you, ask her outright. Take the earliest opportunity that you can, in an environment where you feel you are most likely to get a full and unambiguous answer. Don't procrastinate about this any longer!

If you can move on, get yourself a job you enjoy, keep yourself occupied in general and build a life for yourself, everything else will fall into place. I know this may seem like a paradoxical statement, but happiness can be acheived by working hard to get it!

Wolf

^I don't believe that that enitirely true. I think perhaps the girl has alot todo with it. But from experience there is obviously more to it than that.

He might go home and find the girl doesnt like him or whatever but at the end of the day at least he would be with mate in a city with more going. I think its pretty obvious that the drpression is alot more than just a girl.

DriftingRain

I think if you love your job and you haven't really gotten out, then you don't know what your missin(except Dublin).
Get out, join the social scene for a few weeks if it still don't work out then at least you have tried then start looking for other jobs back in Dublin. But, don't give up on the job you love with out truley tring to make it work first.:rolleyes:

AL][EN

I apologize i probably should have made things a little clearer

In answer to your questiona are its not just about the girl, she's a factor in the equation but she's not the whole reason why i want to move back.

I want to move back as i feel i'll be happier in dublin with all my my friends and family around me being in a fimilar place (i lived there for 5 years) and i feel id be happier in dublin than i ever will be in cork. And im fully prepared for the fact that i may have lost my chance with the girl if she no longer feels the same way about me as i do for her then though for me i should have taken the one chance i had to go out with her instead of being to scared to do anything about it. I may have lost the one good thing in my life and if i have I'll be kicking myself for a long time to come.

If its only friends she wants then so be it i dont have to like it (and i wont) but you cant force anyone to like you. But i dont know how she feels about me i hope that there's always room for a 2nd chance. i really do mean it this time im not afriad anymore to say how i feel and im willing to take a risk because in my opinion she's worth risking it all for.

I cant do anything about it now as some things have happened with her (im not going into them here as there private) but she's in the middle of putting her life back together she needs space and time to become a better person so there will be no talking to her about this until i feel she's ready to hear what i have to say. If that means i have to wait for months or years then so be it, im here as a friend for her and a friend only until she's comfortable with anything else, so in a few years down the line i'll take her out for a coffee and we'll have a long talk about everything thats happened in my life and in her's, and if deep down if there's anything left inside her that still feels something for me then we can try and make it work again properly this time. As my feelings for her havnet changed one bit.

So to summerize im am moving back to dublin for me nobody else not my friends not the girl i like. My happiness is the reason im moving back. And as for the Girl well im praying that deep down she still feels something for me and she's willing to make another attempt as i really do think i can make her happy i only want the chance to try, but its not gonna be for a year or two at least until im sure she's happy with her own life as her happniess comes first.

Wish me luck guys i'll let ya know how things turn out.

ColinM

Originally posted by Wolf
^I don't believe that that enitirely true. I think perhaps the girl has alot todo with it. But from experience there is obviously more to it than that.

Ah yes, of course, I didn't mean to imply that women are the cause of all our woes, but merely a significant proportion of them!

Originally posted by AL][EN
If that means i have to wait for months or years then so be it, im here as a friend for her and a friend only until she's comfortable with anything else, so in a few years down the line i'll take her out for a coffee and we'll have a long talk about everything thats happened in my life and in her's, and if deep down if there's anything left inside her that still feels something for me then we can try and make it work again properly this time. As my feelings for her havnet changed one bit.

Ok, fair enough, but don't be a sap about it. If you find she is "able" to see someone else while you are being her "friend", then is the time to move on. Remember, nobody appreciates a doormat, they just walk all over them.

ColinM

Originally posted by AL][EN
her happniess comes first.

No, yours does.

I know that might sound starkly selfish, but sometimes you genuinely have to look after your own well-being.
While each person in a two-way relationship caring more for each other's feelings than their own is all very lovely, I'm not sure that it should be the utopian ideal. To modify the old saying slightly, if you don't care for yourself, why should anyone else? In addition, it probably never happens anyway. I am tending toward the hypothesis that nobody actually ever loves somebody for who they are, but rather for how that person makes them feel about themselves.

[edits for correcting typos]

AL][EN

Originally posted by ColinM


Ok, fair enough, but don't be a sap about it. If you find she is "able" to see someone else while you are being her "friend", then is the time to move on. Remember, nobody appreciates a doormat, they just walk all over them.
________________________________


Yea i know believe me im nobody's doormat. But i dont think she'd do that she's not that type of person. Im grateful for the advise i truly am and as i said i'll talk to her about the whole thing first im not gonna stay googly eyed over her if she doesnt feel the same way about me and as much as it will break my heart i'll just have to get over it and move on. but thats life really isnt it

__________________________________


Originally posted by ColinM
No, yours does.


Originally posted by AL][EN
her happniess comes first.

---

Of course my happiness comes first thats the whole reason im moving back to dublin im sorry i should have made that clearer
what i meant is that her happiness comes first in regards me asking her out she has to be happy with herself first before i'll even think about asking her out.



Im grateful for what you say as it does makes sense, im not going to be a sap about it and i'll just have to wait and see what happens when i talk to her about it

Virus_Inc

You gotta do what you gotta do... but never forget that the only constant is change , new opportunities are everywhere - just a matter of finding them.
I left a very laid-back well-paying job, a girl and reduced my possessions down to a pack-full of clothes and a few other bits & pieces to come to the otherside of the world. Sure the last 4 months have been hard, trying to find a job, a place to live, etc. I do miss all the things I left behind but I've met some really cool people along the way...
I still couldn't tell you exactly why I did it though...

AL][EN

sounds like you needed a change Virus its things like that i admire in people. The will to say "f*ck it" and get up and go

My life is so planned. so orginazed i need to have everything planned out before i do anything, (I'm a control freek i guess)

that sounds alot harder dropping everything and just going but if you think its worth it then you made the right choise

good luck to you

Virus_Inc

People say change is good but I think most people are quite happy just staying where they are - I know I was.

I think regret was what brought me to this country - the idea of being old and regretting not doing things when I was younger....

AL][EN

Well at least its something you can look back on your life and say you did, im old enough now im content with staying right here I have my friends my family and a nice life waiting for me when i get back to dublin

hopefully your woman will be waiting for you when you get back

Virus_Inc

For sure dude life's a garden... dig it! (To steal an axiom from Joe Dirt)

Just remember there is no right or wrong decision and only you can make the decision. (There is no spoon..)

Good luck to you mate!

Caesar_Bojangle

Try get a job on a building site, you'll fit in like Michael Jackson does when he slips his milky ..................

The money is pretty good, I’m 18 and get €13.75 an hour with time and a half on Saturday - I drive a JCB which is the super bestest fun ever when your 18. I'm just working for the summer so I can only imagine that the permanent guys reel in a much higher weekly wage packet. Out of the 16 guys working there, I’m the only one from Dublin. Which is kind of strange considering its in Dublin, well not really when you think about it.

AL][EN

You should really see me im not exactly what you'd call a buff bloke (scrawney really) not sure i could hack it

it sounds like a sweet deal your on and in truth i'd almost stoop as low as working in McDoogals but it wouldnt be enough to keep me going, I have alot of bills/loans/ etc

but the whole building deely isnt my thing. It sounds like your having a blast and hey you never know in a few years time they may even take you back on as full time if your lucky and want to work there.

im a geeky it person only have IT background and with the market the way it is i dont think i'll be getting a job pretty soon
i'll keep looking but id say i'll be a few more months yet before i can get back to dublin.

id prefer an office job myself you know (hey everyone to there own i guess) ..... well actually if you gave me a choice i'd prefer to be a sun cream boy for beach babe super models on tour around the world but hey a man can dream cant he

Caesar_Bojangle

As of today i now drive a Cat 365 Excavator - which is a pretty sweet machine, weighing in at 35 tonne people.

Admittedly it can be quite a laugh, especially with no women around - I’m not ghey. If you need to pish and the nearest portaloo is a two minute walk, why walk? When you can pish beside your machine - meh so lazy and unhygienic.

I'm a lanky stream of piss but look dead sexah with my hard hat on. I even got an increase today - perhaps those two incidents are related.

Somehow, I sincerely doubt I’d ever contemplate dedicating my life to this line of work. The foremost reason being that I cannot understand 99% of the guys on the site. When they talk to me I’m left awestricken, as I try to comprehend then translate what they said in their country tongue into English.

AL][EN

sounds great but i think i'll stick with puters all the same im better wit that kinda stuff anyway

/me hangs his head in shame self confessed it geek