To choose or not to choose ?

Emboss

First off I'm not homophobic, Secondly I don't want to get slaughtered for being ignorant or told that I don't know what I'm talking about it's just a point of view, in 1995 I didn't have any gay friends, 95 was also the year I first logged on to the interweb. At this point I had never met a gay person online or otherwise, 96,97,98 same deal then all of a sudden 99 and every second person I talked to was gay/bi/lesbian/transvestite etc it was like all of a sudden everywhere I went I was meeting these people like had some magic gaydar, so I enquired with some friends to see if they had noticed this trend in work/online or where ever and they had and after discussing it further it was around the same time as me 1999, now I'm of the opinion that nobody is born gay/bi/lesbian etc it's a choice they make, there is certain things with certain people that made me fully believe this, but is not relevant to every gay person. So what happened in 99? did it suddenly become "cool" to be gay/bi did the explosion of the internet have any baring on all these people suddenly deciding to come out of the closet be gay be proud etc. when I was younger the George was a dirty word in my circles now it's seems that everyone wants to go there straight/gay/bi or otherwise.

COMMENTS PLEASE!

Terminator

As far as I know its impossible to choose to your sexuality. For instance, I couldn't get up tomorrow and say "right today I choose to be straight cos that Nush from big brother is real pretty".

At the same time I think sexuality is an slowly changing thing, in ten years time I could be straight (but I very much doubt it) likewise some bi people drift from one state to the other and thats fine too. I wouldn't say that they choose to be gay/bi/straight - but that they choose to be open to new things.

Emboss

Originally posted by Terminator
You are hopelessly wrong. As far as I know its impossible to choose to your sexuality. For instance, I couldn't get up tomorrow and say "right today I choose to be straight cos that Nush from big brother is real pretty".

At the same time I think sexuality is an slowly changing thing, in ten years time I could be straight (but I very much doubt it) likewise some bi people drift from one state to the other and thats fine too. I wouldn't say that they choose to be gay/bi/straight - but that they choose to be open to new things.

It's impossible for me to be hopelessly wrong if it's based on as far as you know, what do you know ? ok so you can drift from one thing to another thing, and just be "open" to knew things, and that's not choosing, mmmkay

yellum

Edit your post and use some paragraphs !

Maybe 1999 was a so called "tipping point" where a certain number of people were out and easily identifiable which inspired confidence in others to come out too.

Theres a lot of people still not "out" but I think the more people are at ease with their sexuality and the more people can be identified as being openly gay/bi/lesbian/trans then the more it will allow those still living in fear to realise theres nothing to be afraid of.

Eventually, peoples sexuality won't matter a fuck but right now it still does and some of us might over emphasise our sexuality which pisses people off, however its making the closeted people sit up see we are out and happy. Its almost saying "come on out the waters warm"

Its not cool nowadays to be gay, its cool that you are comfortable with your sexuality.

Being online gives us a mask and a protective barrier to hide behind. Nobody needs to know who you are if you don't want them to. That gives people the courage to be open but yet still remain hidden.

BuffyBot

Originally posted by Emboss
COMMENTS PLEASE!

And to think they didn't feature this on I Love 1999! I'm off to write to Auntie Beeb about the neglect of the queer explosion

Of course it didn't become "cool". Did it occur that it may have just been an isolated incident that occured to just you? A random set of circumstances? Perhaps these people jsut felt comfortable telling you at that moment...

Terminator

Originally posted by Emboss
It's impossible for me to be hopelessly wrong if it's based on as far as you know, what do you know ? ok so you can drift from one thing to another thing, and just be "open" to knew things, and that's not choosing, mmmkay

Point taken - I have changed my post.

Emboss

Originally posted by yellum
Edit your post and use some paragraphs !

Maybe 1999 was a so called "tipping point" where a certain number of people were out and easily identifiable which inspired confidence in others to come out too.

Theres a lot of people still not "out" but I think the more people are at ease with their sexuality and the more people can be identified as being openly gay/bi/lesbian/trans then the more it will allow those still living in fear to realise theres nothing to be afraid of.

Eventually, peoples sexuality won't matter a fuck but right now it still does and some of us might over emphasise our sexuality which pisses people off, however its making the closeted people sit up see we are out and happy. Its almost saying "come on out the waters warm"

Its not cool nowadays to be gay, its cool that you are comfortable with your sexuality.

Being online gives us a mask and a protective barrier to hide behind. Nobody needs to know who you are if you don't want them to. That gives people the courage to be open but yet still remain hidden.

What's all this "out" buisness stright people don't feel the need to come "out" they just are who they are, and homosexuals should be the same, why should it be some big announcement to the world,

I don't think it pisses people of that some of you over emphasise your sexuality, if anything I think they find it very amusing, i do

Emboss

Originally posted by BuffyBot
And to think they didn't feature this on I Love 1999! I'm off to write to Auntie Beeb about the neglect of the queer explosion

Of course it didn't become "cool". Did it occur that it may have just been an isolated incident that occured to just you? A random set of circumstances? Perhaps these people jsut felt comfortable telling you at that moment...

Yes it did indeed occur to me it might have just been me, hence why in my post i stated I had various discussions with others to see if they also had noticed this trend and they had.

yellum

Originally posted by Emboss
What's all this "out" buisness stright people don't feel the need to come "out" they just are who they are, and homosexuals should be the same, why should it be some big announcement to the world,

Being out is cos most people assume you are straight and people are afraid to tell people otherwise. Since when is being out a big announcement ?

Straight people don't need to announce their sexuality to the world cos the world takes it for granted they are straight. The world still isn't cool enough for sexuality to not be an issue.

Terminator

Originally posted by Emboss
I don't think it pisses people of that some of you over emphasise your sexuality, if anything I think they find it very amusing, i do

In that case you should read through your posts again. They are highly amusing too. :ninja:

Shinji

What's all this "out" buisness stright people don't feel the need to come "out" they just are who they are, and homosexuals should be the same, why should it be some big announcement to the world

Straight people generally aren't worried about their friends, family or employers distancing themselves from them because they reveal that they really, really like girls with big norks.

It's a pretty nerve-wracking thing for most gay people growing up - our society is mostly accepting of homosexuality, but certainly not as much as it should be. A lot of people are massively ignorant about homosexuality, and there's a basic belief that a lot of straight men hold which says that any gay man is naturally after HIM personally... Not to mention the surprising number of people who genuinely believe that you can "catch gay" by hanging around with gay people, although they'd laugh (nervously) if you ever put it into terms like that because it DOES sound ridiculous...

As for 1999... Sod knows. Like Yellum said, in most communities there's a tipping point at which people go "ah sod it, it'll be okay" and decide not to hide their sexuality any more.

As to whether it's a choice thing or not, I think that's one that's been pretty categorically knocked on the head by decades of psychological research. Some people certainly can choose - essentially bisexual people can go through "phases" of deciding they like men more or liking women more, pretty much on a whim - but for the vast majority of people, your sexuality is what it is and you never get a choice in the matter.

Emboss

Originally posted by Terminator
In that case you should read through your posts again. They are highly amusing too. :ninja:

Oh do tell I fail to see the "funny" side pardon the pun

solice

ok, i dont think that the gay population in the world exploded in 99 but what did explode was the number of people using the web. consider the fact that when bill clinton became president there were only 50 websites in the world. look now at google -

©2003 Google - Searching 3,083,324,652 web pages

. thats alot of sites. but with those sites is the number of people using them.
they say that 1 in 10 people are gay, so that would imply that 1 in 10 using the web are gay. but because not everyone in the world has access that could still be wrong and the actual number could be alot less or alot more.

also the internet is a safe haven for homosexuals, both in and out. websites like gay.com and gaydar.ie offer people who are gay a place tp go and meet other like minded people with similiar interests.
but it is a safe haven, i can say here that i am gay but when i go to college, i wont. its a little bit of freedom for me and it makes it pleasant to actually be here, the fact that i can be myself.

as for coming out, every part of the society we live in bestows hetrosexuality when we are growing up. cartoons, programs, books. everything to young people says that we have to be straight. figuring out that you are gay is not the hard thing. the hard thing is figuring out that its ok to be gay. and when you do figure that out its the most amazing feeling, liberating. people who are gay, generally, come out because they dont care what other people think of them, they dont care that other people may have prejudiced opinions of them. straights dont have to come out and straights dont have to make a big deal about staying in because they are doing exactly that, they are "staying". the world percieves you to be straight so you dont have to tell the world that you are.

interesting thread, i like it

smiles

1999 - perhaps thats the time when _you_ reached a point where you became interested in other people's sexuality, or perhaps thats when people saw that you were mature enough to know.

<< Fio >>

Dawg

Agreed Solice, one of the more interesting threads in a while.

First off:

now I'm of the opinion that nobody is born gay/bi/lesbian etc it's a choice they make

I don't believe anyone can choose their sexuality, I've always been gay, and always will be. I didn't choose it, but it's a fundamental part of who I am. Do you think you could choose to be gay tomorrow and suddenly start getting a hard on at every good looking bloke you see?
Some people are naturally bi, in which case they have an element of choice but for gay or straight people that choice doesn't exist.

Secondly:

So what happened in 99? did it suddenly become "cool" to be gay/bi did the explosion of the internet have any baring on all these people suddenly deciding to come out of the closet be gay be proud etc.

Personally, I didn't notice any big explosion of gayness in 1999. I do think the explosion of the net may have played a part in the amount of people who felt comfortable being open about their sexuality. I have only been out about a year or so, and had I not met and spoken with various other gay people on the net then I would probably still be in the closet. Simply chatting with others helped me feel a lot more comfortable about myself and who I am, and gave me the extra bit of confidence to sit down with the more important people in my life and tell them that I'm gay. It's not an easy thing to do, and I would imagine it's the same for a lot of others. I dont think it is, or was ever considered cool though.

Wolf

Basicaly, I did notice alot more gay people around thenish. But thats just it, the point here is not that people choose, it just that they feel comfortable about been openly gay and so you noticed more.