Cowardly to ask girl out over phone?

schiele

There is a girl in work who is in different department, and I really like her and I think she likes me. We rarely see each other and if I ask her out in person I will crumble (it's happened before) and I will come across like a total fool and she will be put on the spot. A friend suggested send an e-mail but that seems too impersonal, should I just ring her and ask her out - what should I do!!

mooman_00

send her naked pic's if that doesn't work then erm...................................


do you talk to her regulary over the phone? If you dont then ringing her up out of the blue and poping the question isn't exactly 'not putting her on the spot'. Personally i think you should ask her directly if at all possible cuz at least you can judge her reaction and response without being missled as can happen by phone or email.

Bite the bullet, pluck up the courage and go ask her out directly*. Otherwise as said before naked pics work a treat. They dont have to be of you, just some random softcore should do it.


*sometimes i wish id take my own advise

Typedef

Be cool.

Invite her out for a drink "sometime", go with the flow and walk away if she's not interested.

Either way, don't get uptight about it... if she says no, she says no... big deal.

Then again, if it were me, I would be slightly cooler about it... obviously if you aren't in close enough proximity to ask her out without such a big 'thang' being made out of it... perhaps your relationship isn't quite there... and you need to get to know her better.

Just walking up to random (for all intents) and purposes (strangers)... and asking them out... is instinct driven... but, a real, bad, idea.

Instead get to talk to the girl in a relaxed envrionment of social interplay and allow her to take a shine to you... that way... when you do ask her out... eventually, it won't be such a strained event.

<Fee's for advice charged @ €15 per post>

ferdi

[edit: Ferdi, you are on a warning, either stop posting unhelpful rubbish or be banned. << Fio >>]

dazberry

Relax! the more you think about it and the more you try and envisage different scenerios the worse you'll make yourself

- ok that's rich coming from me who now has the spine of a worm - but that's another story.

Firstly DON'T EMAIL...
In person is best, you may get away with ringing (phone ) but definitely don't email. Firstly - if you email and she doesn't respond you'll be wondering if a) she's not interested, or b) she's interested but wants to be chased or c) she's too shy to reply. It'll probably be a) but you'll need closure.

Of course sending around emails like that might also be frowned upon depending on the organisation, and there could very well be a record of it.

Secondly asking directly is best, but I'm still haunted from 16 years ago by a guy I knew - that went ~flying~ up to a girl on his BMX, pulled a skid and blurted "go with ya". Guess what she said . See Typedef's post (referal fee an extra 10.99).

You could ring her. Not the best solution tho', but hey, if you're going to crumple - its easier (not much - but because you're sitting down you can't fall when your legs go from under you - and she won't see the sweat dripping off your palms ). But you gotta be casual, no marriage proposals or anything. You have been warned.

I've done the phone thing once (long time ago), I was moving department (and building), and had chatted to this girl on a friendly basis quite a bit, so I said to myself - hey nothing to lose. On my last day I rang her. Discovered from the conversation that she had a b/f but we went out on the lock anyway (hint: be casual). The downside to this was not that she had a b/f - but that she actually was a real [expletive] idiot. The next day when I woke up (at home alone - thankfully) was tough. Apart from the apocalyptic hangover - it took a few hours for the heart to catch up with what I'd learned the night before - but that didn't take long.

D.

zenith

Ask her out. Don't matter none how you do it.

Personally, I don't think the phone's a problem. It is the 21st century after all. Make sure that you've got a bit of a rapport going first, tho'.

I mean, there's kids having babies with each other through SMS at the mo, so I think courting standards can be relaxed slightly.

seamus

Yah, completely depends on how much you know her.

There's also the problem that on the phone, body language can't be read, or between-the-lines comments be made.

When I was about 15, there were a big group of us who used to go out bowling, cinema, etc every so often, and this girl and me who always flirted. Both knew eachother was interested, but we were too young to have any balls. So one day I rang her up, asked if she wanted to "go bowling or the cinema or something" that weekend. So she tells me that she's doing x this weekend, maybe free the next weekend, but Mr. x and Ms. y were talking about doing something this weekend so maybe I could give them a ring........and then continued to chat away to me, oblivious.

It took some negotiating between me and her friend and her and her friend to get the message across (we were only young), but it would have much more obvious what I was saying, had I said it face-to-face

So if you must, make it very clear what you mean

I think I've said to someone else before, if you chat to someone often, and have a laugh with them, the easiest thing (IMO) to ask is "Do you fancy heading to X for dinner tonight/after work?". It just seems less "OMG I'm asking her out on a date!!", and more relaxed/get to know you. A movie isn't good IMO. You can hardly chat during it, so if you're more interested in going out with this girl, rather than a quick 'shift' at the back of the UCI, bring her somewhere where you can at least communicate

Pigman II

Forget cowardness and just concentrate on your goal! You'll get better results if you ask her in person. It's much easier to say NO and make excuses over the phone.

trotter_inc

Be a man and just do and it get it over with, you'll feel much better when its over and she says "yes", good luck.....

commuterised

does she use Instant Messenger?
If so ask her out in an IM message, and if she says no, pretend that it wasn't you who typed the message, say the bloke beside you thought it would be funny to say it!!

mooman_00

Originally posted by commuterised
does she use Instant Messenger?
If so ask her out in an IM message, and if she says no, pretend that it wasn't you who typed the message, say the bloke beside you thought it would be funny to say it!!

i wouldnt agree with this theory as you'll end up looking like a knob/looser who makes up stories in the face of rejection

Trojan

It's not just not cowardly, but for a significant fraction of the worlds population it's the norm.

Take the US for example: in their "dating" system a guy normally chats up a girl, gets her number from her, and calls her to make a date a few days later. That's how it works

Don't see why it wouldn't work here, in fact I know that it does.

When you call her, tell her what, where and exactly what time - don't say something crap and generic like "Would you like to meet for a drink, umm, maybe sometime?". Get it?

A quick aside: no offense commuterised, but if you meant that seriously, I'd be very worried about your social life.... IM is pretty damn lame. Get out and meet some real women (or men if I've got your pref/gender wrong).

Al.

The Corinthian

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST ASK HER!

The worst that can happen is she says yes, because she doesn’t have the balls to turn you down, and then stands you up. If that’s the case you’re better off. Otherwise all she can do is say “no” in a variety of other ways (“I have a bf/gf”, “I’m washing my hair”, “I’ll be dead in six months”, etc.) - No harm there.

That’s the price men pay for not having to pass something the size of a melon through something the size of a lemon in the whole reproductive process. So get used to it.

If as you say she likes you, then don’t worry about it - all you are asking her is if she’d like to go for a drink; you’re not asking her whether she’d mind if you put bits of yourself inside her. Not just yet, in any case.

So, ask her - just walk up and start a conversation about the weather, or work, or whatever and just blurt out “fancy going for a drink after work sometime this week?” Or do it using email, or SMS or friggin’ smoke signals - just do it.

Otherwise, that perfect means and opportunity to ask her out will never show up and so time will pass, you’ll both move on and you never will ask her out. And some day when you’re much older and far more bitter, you’ll get to scream the same advice on the Interweb at some 18 - 25 year old tit who’s about to fsck up just like you did.

cournioni

As long as you know her well and text her often enough I can't see why it would be a problem.

Victor

Simple. At lunchtime, ask her to go for a sandwich / lunch with you (is there a work canteen / local café / sandwich bar) - it is quite non-threatening. It is then much easier to do the asking then. If you really, really need an excuse to go for the sandwich, say you want to ask her how to do some work stuff and whats her opinion.

mooman_00

Originally posted by Victor
Simple. At lunchtime, ask her to go for a sandwich / lunch with you (is there a work canteen / local café / sandwich bar) - it is quite non-threatening. It is then much easier to do the asking then. If you really, really need an excuse to go for the sandwich, say you want to ask her how to do some work stuff and whats her opinion.

if you do dont get onions, garlic or tuna

chill

Originally posted by schiele
There is a girl in work who is in different department, and I really like her and I think she likes me. We rarely see each other and if I ask her out in person I will crumble (it's happened before) and I will come across like a total fool and she will be put on the spot. A friend suggested send an e-mail but that seems too impersonal, should I just ring her and ask her out - what should I do!!

Hey you've had some great advice here.

What you MUST do is to tackle these situations early - DON'T let them grow and fester in your mind over time. Things just get out of all proportion and the disappointment multiplies too.

As others have said don't email her, call her, text her. Find a reason to be near here and just start a conversation about some work issue (we can all think of some boss to whinge about or the heating or the freezing office or the **** pay or whatever...).

Make sure you maintain a lot of eye contact and see if she reciprocates.

If you feel she is responding and you think she is being reasonably friendly then say someting like " If you're not attached woudl you like to go for a drink one evening ?" Remember to smile !

Remember even if she's drop dead gorgrous there's no point in going out with someone who doesn't respond positively in a casual conversation.

The advantage of tackling these situations STRAIGHT OFF is that it is WAY WAY WAY easier to get past the disappointment of being turned down. And let's face it getting tuned down is perfectly normal ! it happens all the time, even to the coolest guys !! except they won't admit it !

If you're having trouble in this area it is good advice to 'practice' a little. Ask a few girls out of a drink over a period of a few months. They don't have to be stunners. You'll be surprised how nice it can be to spend some time in a girls company that you don't have the massive hots for it can be really cool to just enjoy a bit of flirting and chat

Best of luck.

cournioni

Originally posted by Victor
Simple. At lunchtime, ask her to go for a sandwich / lunch with you (is there a work canteen / local café / sandwich bar) - it is quite non-threatening. It is then much easier to do the asking then. If you really, really need an excuse to go for the sandwich, say you want to ask her how to do some work stuff and whats her opinion.

Well, to be honest I don't think anyone needs to go through that much trouble to ask someone out. Casual conversations would do the trick.

At the end of the conversation say "Are you doing anything this weekend? Would you like to go out on a date (or whatever) with me?". There is a slight problem with this if you do not know her well, and if she is going out with someone you might end up looking like a complete spanner.

Victor

Originally posted by PORNAPSTER
At the end of the conversation say "Are you doing anything this weekend? Would you like to go out on a date (or whatever) with me?". There is a slight problem with this if you do not know her well, and if she is going out with someone you might end up looking like a complete spanner.

Hence my evasiveness and dislike of the " If you're not attached woudl you like to go for a drink one evening ?" approach. It says:(a) "I want to shag you"(b) "I'm only interested in you if you are unattached" (c) "If you are attached, you're not even worth talking to".

query

Lunch is definitely a better idea. Or a quick drink after work. Or a work night out that you walk her to a taxi. Making an official date puts too much pressure on you both - whereas lunch can simply be a friendly gesture if it all doesn't work out, or a start to something better if it does

And have courage. Most women (myself included) haven't got a clue between when a man is being friendly and when a man is interested in you. I

Nevyn

What ifs are the worsest ,
Better to regret something you tried then something you never had the nerve to do.

Let her know you are intrested and she may give you the opening you need or worse yet ask you out (it does happen)

Trojan

I admit that I agree with Victor and Query.

The "Please can I sit beside you at lunch, if you don't mind terribly?" approach is much safer and will definitely get you a much easier rejection and demonstrates your confidence and courage no end (lit.).

Al.

cournioni

Originally posted by Trojan
I admit that I agree with Victor and Query.

The "Please can I sit beside you at lunch, if you don't mind terribly?" approach is much safer and will definitely get you a much easier rejection and demonstrates your confidence and courage no end (lit.).

Al.

Agreed Trojan, but I was disagreeing with what Victor said about taking her to lunch elsewhere and then asking her out. That seems more like asking her out twice if you know what I mean (not the exact same but similar).

Sitting with her at lunch shouldn't be a problem at all. Unless she hates your guts .

b3t4

hmm lunch at work, don't like the sound of that one. If she isn't a complete loner at work then she will proberally normally sit beside other people in the lunch canteen. I have this picture in my head of him walking over to the table that her and a few of her workmates are sitting at, and just sitting down. Seems damn awkward to me. Also the whole removal of her from said group to sit beside him could seem very forward in a work environment. Also this would kinda indicate to everyone in the work place that he was interested in her, puts a seal on the realationship a bit too early for my liking. Oh yeah and don't forget about the slagging you would get. Therefore I wouldn't suggest this idea.

I am going out with someone I work with but we don't sit together at lunch and try to give each other space in the work place, otherwise we would proberally drive each other crazy.

How I ended up going out with my guy was because of a similar taste in music. A few of my friends and I were going out one night and I said "Hey you want to go with us". It worked for me. Just stop dilly dallying and ask her. My guy could of said no but I wasn't bothered as I was already going out with a few mates as it was. Make it casual, informal and worry about asking out the other person in the office you fancy if she says no

Best wishes,
A.