passion and love

energyeoin

Dunno if this has already been done, I am with the same girl for the last 3 years, we are engaged to be married for 2 years and have recently had a child together....a beautiful boy. However over the last year, before, during and after pregnancy her passion for me seems to have diminished........I'm not talking about passion between the sheets, but the feeling of her wanting to be with me, wanting to hold me and kiss me.

For the first 2 years we where very passionate about each other.......running home from work to be together, having a hug and kiss when seeing each other for the first time in a day etc....but during the last year, I can't even remember the last time we curled up together on the couch.....

She still tells me she loves me and I really love her, but I always get the feeling that she is getting bored with me and is feeling stuck with me and that she has no way out seeing we have a child etc.....as if its only a mater of time that she finds someone else

I am wondering is it because we have been together for so long, is this what its like when the "honeymoon period" is over, personally, I have always loved and fancied her and I can't imagine how my passion and love for her could diminish like hers has for me........help, I don't want to loose her....how can I spice it up?

Beruthiel

You say you recently had a baby
Do you have any idea what that takes out of a woman?
To have a baby demand your total attention 24/7 is utterly and totally exhausting both mentally and physically

It can be hard for a man, who has had all the attention to suddenly have to share it with a baby, you are feeling a bit left out.
Best thing you can do, which I am guessing are already doing – is pitch in, help out where ever possible, she will be grateful, she may not say it right off, but if you just give her time to get back to herself she will remember you were there for her. If you start demanding attention from her, she will most likely tell you where you can go. Welcome to family life!
It took me one whole year to totally get back to my old self, eventually things will most likely get back to some sort of passion, but you are gonna have to wait for it.
She would really appreciate a break, get a baby sitter, bring her to a restaurant

Maguined

And dont forget to talk to her about how you are feeling, communication is the key to relationships IMHO. it is probably as described above but it still wont hurt to ask her opinion about the matter, you are probably a bit scared right now but i am sure if you both talk about it you will both be all snuggles again in no time.

energyeoin

The thing is beruthial is that it has all started before she got pregenant......I understand about her and I am not expecting miracils from her or anything like that, I do help whenever I can, he is nearly 3 months old and I have given him every night feed from day 1, without fail....helping her get her sleep and rest....and when she is tired I do understand........but becuase your tired does that mean you can neglect the other person....I mean, I can't even remember the last time she asked me how I am.....every day and every time I talk to her all I want to know is how is she and how is he.......and not that I am comparing to her and what she has gone through, but I am also tired and worn out, but I do make time to enquire about her....

Beruthiel

The thing is beruthial is that it has all started before she got pregenant

ok, well if it started before she got pregnant, then yes have a talk with her, but start each sentence with ‘I feel’ if you use ‘you are..’ trouble will start
Has she seen a doctor? Many women suffer from depression after having a baby, it’s very real and terribly de-habilitating

In a long term relationship it is not unusual for passion to lessen, that’s normal I’m afraid.
Where once the slightest thing would have you all over each other, now you actually have to work at it. Passion is replaced by a love you would normally not have at the start of a relationship. Sex life does tend to slow down.
As I said already, take her out to dinner, see what happens.

Maguined

have you tried snuggling up to her on the couch ? seriously, just talk to the poor woman, if there is no serious problem and its just stress and a change in life then you will feel better and you will both get all snuggles again. if there is something serious well then if you talk to her you are going to find out.

and maybe even if you are helping out with the kid its just plain fact the it will be tougher on her than it willon you, thats no excuse for her to nit want to hold you or talk to you, but i doubt thats the way she is thinking, she is probably a bit stressed, different people handle/deal with stress in different better/worse ways.

just talk to her and things will get sorted out one way or the other.

LegacyUser

Tis hard to know what you have done to date in trying to sort out this problem.

You just need to lay it all out in one good speech. Not keep asking questions here and there.

Let her know were you stand. About how maybe it might just be the kid keeping it to gether. The only thing you can really do to get to the route of the problem.. the only thing you can give her, is an assurance that any thing shes says wont make you fly off the handle.

Can you set the scene so that she could tell you its not working out for her?


Could you handle it?

Do you really want to know that bad?

The only way you are going to be able to try and fix any thing is if you know what the crux of the matter is.

Maybe its just dawned on her were she is and the life she has. Maybe its just hit her all her teenage dreams might never come through. Maybe she is just thinking "is this it?"

Like I said see if you can make her open up in one go. Women hate being "nagged" about issues like this. You know what women are like. Even when you are both fully in love they still wont admit to whats wrong when they are all moody. Until 5 days later when you have forgoten all about it!!

AngelofFire

know whatya been. take her out to dinner or somewhere. or try taking interest in some activity she likes.spend some time alone together. maybe cos you have a child now you dont have much time to spend alone with her. im not implying something dirty here btw.it could be jus a phase shes going through, happens with nearly all relationships. im sure u`ll find a way to re-ignite the passion

daveg

Having a child really does put extreme pressures on a relationship. Your always tired and it can be an effort to do anything. Imo you need to do 2 things. Firstly you need to talk. Try to get family/parents to mind your child while you have this chat so you can be alone and tell her how you feel. Trust me bud if you don't address the situation head on it will not get better. If/when you sort things out you need to have some amout of quality time alone. It is difficult I know... especilly when the child is only 3 months but if your parents can help out and give you an occasional break to spend time together (quality time) to talk and stuff. If babyistters are not an option try to make the effort when the child is asleep. Don't just collapse in front of the TV. Imo and experience this is very important.

Best of luck and I hope things work out for you.

Typedef

To be blut.

You love her too much so she doesn't appreciate you. In fact, it's pushing her away from you.
Though I can't see her having a baby for you if, she was thinking of leaving you.

Perhaps this is where you're being a little bit insecure.

Crunch

bump!

*interested cause I seem stuck in a sorta similar situation, no kid tho*

LegacyUser

You will be fine my friend.. life is full of ups and down. Don't always focus on what is wrong externally (with you or her), just observe the reality as it IS. It will change but it needs time, and you need to be patient and persistent, and very very loving in this relationship. Give love, selflessly, without longing or craving for future things, you are truly commited so who knows what great things may come of it...