dont want to hurt anyone

LegacyUser

hi i'm looking for a bit of advice

i recently started dating a guy in college its nothing too serious just going out every now and then and kissing, i haven't slept with him yet.

he's started hinting that maybe we should get a bit more serious and i really like the guy. more than i've liked anyone in ages.

the only thing is that one of my best friends is away travelling at the moment and will prob be home again in september. i'm very close to this guy and we've been together on and off but never quite got the timing right. he's planning on moving back to where i'm living and we had said that we'd see how things went when he came home. he would back off if i'm with someone else but i really want to give things a chance with him

i'm just afraid that i could hurt the guy i'm with now if i start going out with him and ditch him when the other guy comes home

any thoughts?

LegacyUser

Originally posted by decisions
hi i'm looking for a bit of advice

i recently started dating a guy in college its nothing too serious just going out every now and then and kissing, i haven't slept with him yet.

he's started hinting that maybe we should get a bit more serious and i really like the guy. more than i've liked anyone in ages.

the only thing is that one of my best friends is away travelling at the moment and will prob be home again in september. i'm very close to this guy and we've been together on and off but never quite got the timing right. he's planning on moving back to where i'm living and we had said that we'd see how things went when he came home. he would back off if i'm with someone else but i really want to give things a chance with him

i'm just afraid that i could hurt the guy i'm with now if i start going out with him and ditch him when the other guy comes home

any thoughts?

Well does the new guy know all this? Probably not. You would have no reason to tell him.

Just dont go the whole hog with the new guy till you see the old guy.

For all you know there may be no spark between you and Mr Old. Time changes things.

For all you know Mr. Old is sitting somwhere wondering how the bloody hell to tell you he's moved on.

Unless of course hes been in contact with you and has suggested stuff. And if so you knew this was coming....

LegacyUser

the new guy does know him but doesn't know what went on between us. i'm still in touch with the old guy, emails a coupla times a week.

the new thing only started as a bit of fun nothing serious, and i do really like him, but i just think it would be unfair to start something more serious with him because it would be him getting hurt and not me so much.

but its over two months before the other guy is back

mooman_00

Originally posted by decisions
but its over two months before the other guy is back

kinda sounds to me like you want something fun to do while you wait for the other guy to come back.......in which case do it, go have your fun then dump him over something trivial. Who says you have to get serious with the first guy anyway.

Whatever you do be carefull while your doing it.

Maguined

woman are bad enough without you encouraging them mooman.

its a simple answer girl. pick one, stop messing these guys around and decide which one you like more and there you go, problem solved.

ceewa

what would the harm be in going out with the new guy for a while??? it could be all over naturally before the other one shows up!!!!

she could end up with neither, so why not go for the two. it woulnd't be overlapping or cheating on either

Maguined

yeah she could end up with the new guy and stay with him and all would be happy, except for when the other guy comes back expecting to see her because she told him he would and the he gets hurt.

or she could stop seeing the new guy and wait for the old guy to come back and maybe they will work out, in which case new guy gets hurt.

or she could stay with new guy untill the old guy comes back and then dump the new guy. in which case new guy gets hurt bad.

or she could feck off and leave them both hanging in which case both of them getting hurt.

whichever way people are going to get hurt she just has to figure out which one/s she wants to hurt, as many as possible or the least?

Maguined

woops,

being the total noob ****head i am i posted a new thread instead of replying to the "dont want to hurt anyone " thread.

my bad

Sparks

why not go for the two. it woulnd't be overlapping or cheating on either

Because it would be disingenous to be with one while thinking of another.

decisions, pick one and talk to him. Simple enough in concept, if difficult in execution.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

or maybe she could think it through herself a bit and decide what she wants instead of posting silly and useless threads on PI

's worth a shot like..

LegacyUser

Originally posted by decisions
the new guy does know him but doesn't know what went on between us. i'm still in touch with the old guy, emails a coupla times a week.

the new thing only started as a bit of fun nothing serious, and i do really like him, but i just think it would be unfair to start something more serious with him because it would be him getting hurt and not me so much.

but its over two months before the other guy is back

Well if you are just after close contact with a male in the friendship and hugs terms.. work away with your Mr New. Whos to say your Mr. New might turn out to be the new Mr old?

Dont sleep with him though. Not until you are sure. Dont worry about how much he wants it!

LegacyUser

Life is short.

Shag em.

Any one of em.

Whichever is closest
(which unless they have a fifteen thousand mile willy is going to be easier)

you're only going to learn which one is for you or which one is the right one when you've tried them all out...

Maguined

yeah she could do that, but the name of the thread is "i dont want to hurt anyone" which means she is trying to cause as least pain as possible, although its kind of hard as she has already led new guy on a bit too far. but she can still minimise the damage to a certain extent.

DriftingRain

If you really like the guy you are kinda with now, go for him. It seems to me this "Mr. Long Distance" has had many chances to persue a relationship with you. You never know if you let the guy go for the other one you may be letting go "The One". If he don't work out. Then you haven't lost anything becuase you'll know you have tried. I would tell "Mr. Long Distance" that you are liking this guy and gonna give things a go with him, this way he will not be expecting you to run and jump into his boots the minute he arrives. If he really likes you anyways he will wait for you.
I hope that made sence
Good Luck
DR

Wolf

What I would say is that if you continuse on with this new guy and then flick him when far away guy gets back the you will more than likly hurt him and thats not fair to do that.

If you wait for new guy he could come back with a girl friend or come back and then decide that he wants to go back for a girl and then your hurt.

TBH what you should do as far as the whole guy thing goes is your descision and its a gamble that you have to make and live with at the end of the day.

But as far as hurting people goes, that something that you have a clear choice in. You can carry on with this guy and the hurt him later OR you wait for this guy to come back. But make a choice now otherwise you could end up leaving someone with alot of pain.

jammy_dodger

Id say go with the new guy, The old guy has missed his chance(his loss im sure)
You can't wait around forever you know.

hipchick

It is very simple, take time to think about each guy individually and see their good and bad points, who makes you laugh the most, when you hear each guys name which one makes you smile that little cheeky smile......

If you wait.........is he really worth waiting for.....?
If you go with the new guy......is it going to be worth the loss of the old guy.....?

Just trust your gut feeling ........intuition never lies!

Maguined

Originally posted by hipchick

Just trust your gut feeling ........intuition never lies!

intuition always lies in the affairs of the opposite gender

Typedef

Originally posted by decisions
the only thing is that one of my best friends is away travelling at the moment and will prob be home again in september. i'm very close to this guy and we've been together on and off but never quite got the timing right. he's planning on moving back to where i'm living and we had said that we'd see how things went when he came home. he would back off if i'm with someone else but i really want to give things a chance with him

i'm just afraid that i could hurt the guy i'm with now if i start going out with him and ditch him when the other guy comes home

any thoughts?

Hello reality check.

What do you think this 'friend of yours' is doing whilst he is away.

Pining after you?

Victor

Stick with what you have for the moment, tell the other guy that you are seeing him. Keep talking / e-mailing the other guy as if nothing has changed.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the opinions. deep down i know that i want the far away guy and that he's the one for me, it just gets lonely sometimes and i guess i got too close to the other guy who is great and we've been friends for a few years now but its nothing special really.


i know that he's not saving himself for me or anything i've been with other people and he's been with other people its just never gotten this serious with anyone else and i know he'll be home in two months.

the reason things have never worked out before was that we got together once while he was with someone else big mistake and we left it at that. when they broke up he was on the rebound and i didn't want to be the rebound person for him. he wasn't looking for another relationship at the time.

we moved to different cities after that, i'm in cork still in college and he was working in dublin and we rarely saw each other. we talked almost everyday and emailed but i wasn't up for a long distance commitment thing so we tended to hook up every now and then but nothing serious.

the travelling thing had been something we planned to do together but when his contract was up in work i got offered a phd opportunity that i couldn't refuse but told him he should go anyway.

he's my best friend and we talk about everything. his plan still is to move to cork when he gets home and get a job or possibly do a postgrad i know he's applied for a few and is waiting to hear back about them. i guess i'm waiting for him then

thanks guys

mooman_00

Originally posted by Mikaboshi
woman are bad enough without you encouraging them mooman.

its a simple answer girl. pick one, stop messing these guys around and decide which one you like more and there you go, problem solved.

/off topic
if a mate told you he had two birds lined up for a shagging what would you say to him: "males have a bad enough reputation withou you adding to it" or "i really think you should pick one so as not to harm either in the long run" ?

I doubt it.........

Maguined

Originally posted by mooman_00
/off topic
if a mate told you he had two birds lined up for a shagging what would you say to him: "males have a bad enough reputation withou you adding to it" or "i really think you should pick one so as not to harm either in the long run" ?

I doubt it.........

yup, been there, done it and took the abuse i got in return but then later on he told me i was right.

mooman_00

fair play......me im a prick, i don't aspire to be one......i just am one.

Typedef

Originally posted by Victor
Stick with what you have for the moment, tell the other guy that you are seeing him. Keep talking / e-mailing the other guy as if nothing has changed.

Bloody right burn the candle at both ends, less of this honesty $hite.

Be honest... most men would do it to you... so... you might as well get the pre-emptive strike in while the iron's hot!

LegacyUser

Originally posted by mooman_00
fair play......me im a prick, i don't aspire to be one......i just am one.

You're a lurvely fella tbh.