Weird games reviews

KdjaCL

http://www.almenconi.com/topics/games/reviews.html#gamecube

Read these reviews ,they are deadly serious.


kdjac

Rnger

CONCLUSION
Halo is a violent game with impressive special effects and loud, annoying aliens. Violence is glorified, and death, even of the player himself, has little consequence. This game has one redeeming quality, though, and that is the distinct lack of sexual themes and swearing.

Though highly entertaining, Halo (Combat Evolved) receives a 60 (D-) [See Rating Definitions] for being easily addictive, highly violent, and for glorifying violence. This game was one that was played by the DC Sniper as a way to desensitize himself to mass slaughter, and after many hours of game time, I can see that easily happening. Any person who plays Halo needs to be very wary of the violence inherent in the game play.

lol

monument

"Any person who plays Halo needs to be very wary of the violence inherent in the game play."

KdjaCL

Read GTA3 review ,reviewer nearly has a stroke.


kdjac

Sarky

[In Medal of honor]Even though, in this game, you are fighting Germans, nothing can ever justify taking the life of another person.

That's priceless!:rolleyes:

and also:

Clive Barker's Undying is, by far, the worst game I have ever played. I can easily say that there are no redeeming qualities in this entire game. It is a game that I am certain Satan would approve of.

Giblet

I worry about these people.
I'm all for people living by the bible and such n such, but when people start going mad over Zelda having magic hence Occult elements, somethings wrong.

jesus_thats_gre

Genius lol

Mr E

Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast gets a 68% (D+) for much violence and for the subtle implication that the force takes the place of God.

:rolleyes:

- Dave.

Mr E

The Paladin character is considered the most righteous character and many "Christian" gamers like to play him. He is a Knight in shining armor who uses magic to heal him and other players and to create magic protection auras. Even dabbling in the occult is forbidden in the Bible and this character uses occult magic with one hand while cleaving enemies with his sword in the other hand. Christian gamers need to wake up and see the deep level of compromise they make with their faith when they submerge themselves in the virtual world of Diablo 2.

Double :rolleyes::rolleyes:

- Dave.

Sarky

See the reviews of Diablo and DiabloII. Apparently they're complete rubbish because of all the satanic references!:D

BLITZ_Molloy

I read a review of Windwaker on another Christian site that was hilarious. They decided it was a good game. The fact that it featured non-chrisitian gods was a reason to slam it. But the way they saw it was if you destroy the pagan gods then its OK.

A priest taught me all about greek and roman mythology. The content of many of the books was anti-christian but he still taught it. I honestly can't see where the hell these sites are coming from. If you avoid any negative influences on your faith then it isn't ****ing strong enough.

po0k

/me goes in search of a Cannon Fodder review...right after Leisure Suit Larry 6

Ryo Hazuki

Hilarious, GTA3


"Besides all the violence, there are constant sexual references! If your health has been decreased for whatever reason, get in a car and look for a prostitute. When you find one walking down the street, she will get in when you stop the car! Then you can drive to a dark alley for a sexual encounter. You see your health points increase as your car begins to rock! Here is the most disturbing part: When you have sex with a prostitute, your health goes up but your money goes down. Want your money back? Get out of the car and beat her to death and take it back...either that or shoot her, run her over, or set her on fire for extra points. Can you believe it? Also, in the game, people yell constant sexual references like "carpet muncher" and other such things. There are also many homosexual civilians looking for sex. I've also heard people say things (that we are unable to repeat here. Editor) and many, many other offensive words.

"What I have told you is just the tip of the iceberg. You need to go play this game for yourself and see how disgusting it is."

Please note that this is not an official game review by Al Menconi Ministries, but we believe this mother's letter gives a fair evaluation of Grand Theft Auto 3.




Maybe they have a point...., actually no.

I think if parents cant raise their children in such a way that they are unable to distinguish between Reality and Fantasy, then they have no right to moan about games.


Heh, Video Nasties.......

Mark

Magnificent site, simultaneously provoking horror at their fanaticism and many a lude snigger at their sheer gob****ery.

You as the player are on a mission sanctioned by the U.S. government, so the "deadly force" you use is technically lawful but killing is made to be fun. It is obvious that the scientists were unarmed when they were slaughtered. Your crowbar and other weapons you find can destroy glass, soda machines, and other furnishings. The game makes it visually fun to destroy property in each room. Vandalism is part of the "fun" of the game.

Lacking of charge* tbh



*Or, 'Priceless', IF YOU WILL

MrPinK

The Tomb Raider review had me in stitches

When falling down or being hurt, Lara makes a plethora of sexy moans that someone listening in the next room could easily assume that sexual intercourse was taking place

DapperGent

Funniest bit for me:

This is from the Civ 3 review which they otherwise approved of:

ILLEGAL/HARMFUL MATERIAL
Some Christians might be disturbed by the fact that the developers dated the game by Evolutionary standards. It gives you the option to choose how old you want the earth to be (3, 4, or 5 million years old).

sci0x

Are they for real!!?? lmao

"Age of Mythology is a game in which the player must exercise his mind as he tries to take down his opponents. Unfortunately, you can't win scenarios with everyone agreeing to make peace. If this game didn't contain all of the supernatural powers and mythical creatures that it does, it would have received a higher rating."

Stormfox1020

The reviewers are probably in a weird Cult in Utah, Who are way pro-christian and are drugged up to the eyeballs in Ritalin or LSD. And wut the hell is up with there ratings nearly all of them are F's wut the ****! They dont seem to like god games, such as Age of Mythology and the sims

PhillyLFM

I wish I had time to sit around and write about things that I disagree with. Wait... I am! Anyway, it's a parents' job to raise their kids. Not the schools, not MTV, not the Mall, etc. Everything around us plays a part, but it is the parents who must make their children understand what is right and what is wrong. A new movie is out - You see it if you want to. A new book is published - You read it if you want to. Guess what? A new game is out - You play it if you want to. I do not need anybody telling me what to read, watch, or play. It is my decision and mine alone. Here's a thought - Do you think that the people who write reviews would write the same way if they did it for free or as a hobby? I do not. Some write to get attention, some write because they are paid to write, and some write because of both. Sometimes I feel like the writers and/or critics are worse than what they are writing about as most of the time they are pushing their bias's and opinion's on me. Leave me alone! Let me make my own decsions.

Sarky

I'd still recommend the site for sensible individuals, just for sheer comic value though...;)

Shinji

Sometimes I feel like the writers and/or critics are worse than what they are writing about as most of the time they are pushing their bias's and opinion's on me.

There's a difference between a reviewer writing to tell you if you should spend your money on something, and a Christian fundamentalist bending your ear.

passive

wow....really, wow...can't believe this is serious

(okay..damn funny, but kinda sickening too)

does anyone else see the huge "Do you need your Brain washed" banner on the top right?

....its not a piss take!?

Spacedog

They should do one for tetris...

"The game seems to be a simple enough concept, to move falling blocks to form 'lines' across the screen in order to 'score' points. This all sounds fine accoeding to the manufacturers. However upon doing research on the game I have discovered that it was origonally inventer by A Russian Communist!!! In am elabotate plot to eliminate the true light of a Christian enlightnment of the Religious right glory of the Uniter States of America. Upon close inspection of this game, there is one shape that occurs 2% more often than any of the others, it is a long, four square bar which is very useful for filling 'deep gaps' on the playing board. This blaitent falic imagery was purposly inserted into the game to encourage underage sex amoungst our impressionable under thirty yearold children. Also the forming of 'lines' is street for comsumption of an illegal drug known as cocaine, as is the trem 'score' a term used amoungst some of the least white of Americans for an illegal transaction of drugs on the black market. This game also featured a five square formation of gaps within the playing board while I was playing which was clearly an image of satan smoking crack in the middle of a pentagram while listening to Jimmi Hendrix, coinsidence? I thought so at first, buat after a visit to church I was told what to think and am now certain that this is pure evil! 10%"

Sarky

Sounds about par for the course.:)

How about a few more reviews from Boards folk? Could be a larf...:D