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One-Liner Jokes

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    #632
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Folks, get this thread back on topic please. Any more racist crap and bans will be handed out.


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    #633
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Is that directed at me?


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    #634
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #635
    rcaz
    Registered Users Posts: 4,034 ✭✭✭rcaz


    How do you kill a circus?

    Aim for the juggler.


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    #636
    sonic juice
    Closed Accounts Posts: 377 ✭✭sonic juice


    <snip>


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    #637
    tintinr35
    Registered Users Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭tintinr35


    <snip>


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    #638
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Dead baby jokes are against the charter.


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    #639
    meditraitor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?



















    A: A Doberman in a playground


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    #640
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,353 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What is the difference between a Doberman and a tie ?
    A Doberman looks good on a lawyer.

    There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

    Hear about the lawyer that dropped her briefs and became a solicitor ?

    It was so cold one February morning near the four courts that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!

    What's the difference between a Rooster and a Lawyer?
    A rooster clucks defiance.

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?
    Occasionally a duck will stick its bill up its ass.


    Why do researchers use lawyers instead of rats ?
    1. The lab assistants were becoming too attached to their little rats.
    2. Lawyers breed faster.
    3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for.
    4. Animal rights societies won't jump all over you no matter what you do.
    5. Besides, there are some things even a rat won't do.
    However, sometimes it's very hard to extrapolate the test results back to human beings.


    A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. 'Only a shilling?' said the Justice, 'Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them.'


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    #641
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,353 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
    A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

    A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.


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    #642
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #643
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    The Scientist wrote:
    a bra, a battery and a set of jump leads walk into a bar.
    The bra goes up to the barman and asks for a round of beers to which the barman replies no. "but why" says the bra innocently....
    "Why?" says the barman "i'll tell you why!!! for a starters your off your tits and your 2 mates are trying to start something! thats why!

    T.Sc.
    I think you've got the wrong thread mate. The one you're looking for is the "Five-Liner Jokes" Thread and it's situated back in 1982, it was started around the same time that joke was first said!


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    #644
    tintinr35
    Registered Users Posts: 1,437 ✭✭✭tintinr35


    some one call the fire brigade cause he just got burned


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    #645
    sicruise
    Registered Users Posts: 378 ✭✭sicruise


    Two men and a dog in a bar, the dog is licking his balls...

    One man turns to the other and says "I'd love to be able to do that!"

    The other responds... "If you pet him nicely he'll let you"


    ... just thought i'd back up scientist!!


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    #646
    SystemError
    Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭SystemError


    A girl goes into a police station and claims she has been graped.
    The officer says 'sorry love don't you mean raped'.
    'no' replies the girl, 'there was a bunch of them'.


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    #647
    grumpytrousers
    Registered Users Posts: 1,884 ✭✭✭grumpytrousers


    So why is there only one Competiton authority?


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    #648
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #649
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Why aren't parking discs disc shaped?


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    #650
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Why does Ireland's number 1 breakfast show happen to be the only breakfast show?


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    #651
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Why do the bottoms of cake boxes always say "Do not turn upside down"?


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    #652
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


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    #653
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory


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    #654
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.


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    #655
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


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    #656
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    All generalizations are false, including this one.


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    #657
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else


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    #658
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


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    #659
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


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    #660
    superdudeman007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭superdudeman007


    Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


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    #661
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,353 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind.


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