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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1142
    Loomis
    Registered Users Posts: 2,692 ✭✭✭Loomis


    Two ladies are reading a menu in a restaurant. One suggests trying the chicken in white wine.
    The other says she'd prefer the chef's tongue in cider!


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    #1143
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    ..
    .
    .


    A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!


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    #1144
    Persiancowboy
    Registered Users Posts: 354 ✭✭Persiancowboy


    what do you say to a jockey with one leg?

    ....how're you getting on....


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    #1145
    Queen-Mise
    Registered Users Posts: 7,461 ✭✭✭Queen-Mise


    What do you call an old snowman?

    Water


    My 7 yr old son, i take no responsibility;)


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    #1146
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    Got some bad news.........I've caught bird flu.

    I know its bird flu because i've started talking rubbish, wearing make-up and i can't park the ****ing car!!!


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    #1147
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    Q. If a farmer plants a field of vibrators, What will be his biggest problem?

    A. Squatters.


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    #1148
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    Q. What's the worst thing about growing unemployment?

    A. It gets harder to have sex with your girlfriend with her husband home!


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    #1149
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy


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    #1150
    phoebe100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭phoebe100


    Roses are red,violets are blue,I'm schitsophrenic,so am I!



    2 snowmen in a field,one says to the other "can you smell carrots?"


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    #1151
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    what's the difference between Love and Herpes ??

    Herpes lasts forever


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    #1152
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    I just found out we have a local library, they kept that quiet


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    #1153
    gaz38979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 52 ✭✭gaz38979


    What do you call a fly with no wings??

    A Walk :pac:


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    #1154
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Urologists don't have to advertise. They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in.


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    #1155
    crocadile dunde
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭crocadile dunde


    What do ye call a woman out of the kitchen?

    A fugitive :D:D:D:D:D:D


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    #1156
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    What did one math book say to the other math book?

    "I don't know about you man, but I got a lot of problems!"


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    #1157
    tommmy1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 420 ✭✭tommmy1979


    Q How do you know that a person's been to Trinity.

    A They usually tell you within 5 minutes of meeting them :pac::pac:


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    #1158
    kronsington
    Registered Users Posts: 2,009 ✭✭✭kronsington


    Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are vanishing into thin air.

    Police say they have several leads.;)


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    #1159
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #1160
    D'Agger
    Registered Users Posts: 13,385 ✭✭✭✭D'Agger


    What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?


    Gang Rape!!


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    #1161
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    I went in to town the other day to buy a pair of camaflouge trousers........


    Couldnt find any:D


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    #1162
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,353 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    er9y0x.jpg


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    #1163
    Kieo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 441 ✭✭Kieo


    two blondes walk into a building...think one of them would have seen it.:D


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    #1164
    joes girls
    Registered Users Posts: 20,448 ✭✭✭✭joes girls


    does that come in black..........


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    #1165
    bigeasyeah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭bigeasyeah


    Teacher-You got a fairy godmother?
    Child-No but we an uncle we keep a close eye on.


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    #1166
    AntoSRFC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 395 ✭✭AntoSRFC


    Whats black and white and read all over?

    A self harming nun with a masheti.


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    #1167
    you*ess*bee
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭you*ess*bee


    Whats the difference between a piano and a fish?

    You can tune a piano, but you cant tuna fish!!

    Love that one!


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    #1168
    CreepingDeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,015 ✭✭✭CreepingDeath


    2 days in heaven and Jade Goody has already been nominated for eviction...


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    #1169
    ciaranmul
    Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭ciaranmul


    What time does Pete Sampras go to bed?

    Around tennish.
    :D


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    #1170
    tfitzgerald
    Registered Users Posts: 2,285 ✭✭✭tfitzgerald


    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?!


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    #1171
    hunter164
    Registered Users Posts: 2,076 ✭✭✭hunter164


    What do you call en epileptic in a wheelchair?


    Transformer


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