One-Liner Jokes

Kieo

What do you call a fish with no eye



fsh

Kieo

What do you call a fly with no wings?


A walk

mossysheehan

Why's there no disprin in the jungle?

Because the Parrots-eat-em-all.

Excellent!

Splainc

Redpunto wrote: »

I went in to town the other day to buy a pair of camaflouge trousers........


Couldnt find any:D

(round of applause)

brilliant

tfitzgerald

what do you call a black man flying a plane

---

the pilot of course!

byrner88

you go to bed with an itchy arse and wake up with a smelly finger

johnny_doyle

granny died on her 100th birthday; very sad as we'd only got to 50 bumps.

tfitzgerald

I've just been fired by Pepsi.

I tested positive for Coke:)

MBC

3 Dwarfs in a Bath and they were all feeling happy.... So happy got out!

Capt'n Midnight

MBC wrote: »

3 Dwarfs in a Bath and they were all feeling happy.... So happy got out!

What's up Doc ?
Hearing that made me feel sleepy and a little grumpy, hope you feel bashful about such a dopey joke

Sneezy

marcsignal

Q: What do you call a Black Man flying a Jumbo Jet ?






A: A PILOT you fucking Racist !!


.

fobster

Growing the auld hair is tough in a recession....









...I keep on getting attacked by razor-wielding barbers who've been laid off

jc7

How do you tell if a valentines card is from a leper?


The tongue is still in the envelope!

jc7

NEWSFLASH:
Police say That the sudoku Killer will either kill 1, 4, or 9 victims next.

jc7

I've just bought a Cruise Ship on eBay. It only cost me €20.00 & €33,000 in postage from Somalia though.

Thankfully, they have thrown in the Ship's Captain.

marcsignal

Q:what's the difference between PMT and BSE ?


A: lipstick

jc7

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."

jc7

Apparently Al Qaeda were targeting Old Trafford and Anfield. Change of approach from the sneaky bastards, trying to win everybody else over like that.

jc7

They say that pessimists will see the cup as half empty, and optimists will see the cup as half full, but scousers wont get to see the cup at all!

tfitzgerald

First line in a Liverpool cookbook

---

First steal a chicken:)

getz

i can say this because i am english

---

the english are of four great races two of which are the oakes and the derby

byrner88

typoon rips through cemetry , Hundreds Dead

Jay D

"if you force sex on a prostitute... is it rape or shoplifting?"

crocadile dunde

how do ye kill a million flys?


slap a somalian across the face:D:D:D:D:D

jc7

Why are synagogues round?

So no-one can hide in the corner when it comes to collection time.

jc7

Be careful using predictive text whilst driving in bad weather.

I sent my boss a text the other day saying "Sorry I'm late, stuck in dog."

jc7

Annual premature ejaculation society dinner and dance tomorrow,

No dress code, just come in your pants.

jc7

The girls swim team has a new coach who acts like she knows everything.

Her name is Claire Buoyant

MBC

While we are liverpool bashing:

Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 of 4 Scouse Islamic Terrorists: Bin Snortin, Bin Dealin, Bin Thievin, but there was no sign of Bin Workin!!

MBC

Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style - the husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead