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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1262
    aoifespen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭aoifespen


    Cozpyro wrote: »
    Nah, but I do know Logs Burn
    you mean fat burns


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    #1263
    g-whizz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 148 ✭✭g-whizz


    frankie boyle is the king of one liners!


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    #1264
    Cake Man
    Registered Users Posts: 2,834 ✭✭✭Cake Man


    Hear about the egg walkin down the road?
    He had his yolk hangin out!


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    #1265
    fish fingers
    Registered Users Posts: 1,163 ✭✭✭fish fingers


    What do you call an irishman who breaks up fights?? Liam Malone


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    #1266
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?


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    #1267
    Lushed1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 106 ✭✭Lushed1


    Did you hear the joke about the wall?

    Ah you'll never get over it


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    #1268
    RadioCity
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭RadioCity


    So this cat gets on a plane to hijack it, goes to the pilot and says "take me to the Canaries...."


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    #1269
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    I sent away for a booklet about premature ejaculation.

    It came earlier than expected.


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    #1270
    readytorock
    Registered Users Posts: 118 ✭✭readytorock


    why did nemanja vidic sit in the corner and cry?


    beacause fernando torres showed him up for what he really is, a plank!!


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    #1271
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    marcsignal wrote: »
    whats the noisiest thing in the world?

    a skeleton in a biscuit tin, having a ****


    genius.


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    #1272
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    bloke in a hairdressers....cut and blow dry please.

    hairdresser : with volume?


    CUT AND BLOW DRY PLEASE!!!!!!!


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    #1273
    we'llallhavetea_old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,971 ✭✭✭we'llallhavetea_old


    what do you call a man with no legs, no arms lyin in a pile of leaves?

    russell


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    #1274
    lastlaugh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,382 ✭✭✭lastlaugh


    Bloke goes to see the Doctor.

    "Doctor, Doctor, can you help me? I feel like a Pig"
    "How long have you felt like this?"

    " Ehh, about a WEEEEEEEEEEK"


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    #1275
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    Arsenal's cleaner is being investigated along with MP's. She's been claiming expenses for silver polish for the last 4 years.


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    #1276
    X AcT X EviL
    Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭X AcT X EviL


    There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.

    Whats the cure for swine flu? Oinkment

    Whats black and blue after brown? Rihanna


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    #1277
    Thomasheen
    Registered Users Posts: 571 ✭✭✭Thomasheen


    Two flies on a tiolet seat. One got pissed off


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    #1278
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,339 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    What do you call an Irishman hanging from the ceiling?

    Sean D´olier

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #1279
    madbev90210
    Registered Users Posts: 403 ✭✭madbev90210


    Guess who I saw today? Everyone I looked at!

    Leave a few weeks between this one and it usually gets the same person all the time!


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    #1280
    Porkpie
    Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the sh*t out of their dogs.


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    #1281
    Guill
    Registered Users Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Did you ever hear about the magic tractor? it went down the road and turned into a field!


    why did the boy fall off the roof?
    He was in a wheel chair!

    get your friends to read thus out loud:

    I am so
    I am sofa
    I am sofa king
    I am sofa king we tarded


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    #1282
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    I've decided to enter the porn business.


    It seemed like a good decision after my former employer went tits up!


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    #1283
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    What do you call an Irishman hanging from the ceiling?

    Sean D´olier


    <snip> No more material like that, read the charter consider this a warning - Hagar <snip>


    what do you call a kerryman who spends all summer in the garden?

    patio furniture


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    #1284
    TommyL
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭TommyL


    <snip> No more material like that, read the Charter, consider this a warning - Hagar <snip>


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    #1285
    dilallio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,728 ✭✭✭dilallio


    Why do farts smell?

    For the benefit of the deaf.


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    #1286
    dmacleaderofpak
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭dmacleaderofpak


    Sleipnir wrote: »
    In response to Raz's "what's pink and fluffy" joke

    What's pink and fluffy?
    pink fluff

    what's blue and fluffy?
    blue fluff?.

    whats long and sticky?

    a long stick


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    #1287
    dmacleaderofpak
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭dmacleaderofpak


    HeeBeeGeeBee wrote: »
    Blind man walks past a fish counter.....

    "GOOD MORNING LADIES!!"

    you just robbed that from "crazy rap - afroman" ... thief?!


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    #1288
    aido179
    Registered Users Posts: 431 ✭✭aido179


    ever tried ethiopean food? either have they

    i like to paint...mostly animals, but sometimes i use canvas

    i walked into a pole the last day...he wasn't too happy about it.

    whats the difference between a duck? one of his legs is both the same

    anybody here with any irish in them? any of girls want a little more irish in them? (phil lynott)

    what do you call a bike with one wheel? (unicycle?) broken

    "oh it's chilly out." "well put it back in then"

    went to a restaurant. the menu said "any breakfast at any time" so i ordered french toast during the renaissance (some comedian)


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    #1289
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Thought for the day:-

    What if the the Hokey Kokey is really what it is all about?


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    #1290
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    Hagar wrote: »
    Thought for the day:-

    What if the the Hokey Kokey is really what it is all about?

    ironically the guy who wrote that died on friday.

    his funeral was yesterday,they had awful trouble getting him into the coffin,

    first,
    they put his left leg in ,

    thats when all the trouble started.....:p


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    #1291
    Euro_Kraut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,957 ✭✭✭Euro_Kraut


    Porkpie wrote: »
    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    :) You know I'm dyslexic and the first time I read that I didn't get it. I was thinking 'he walks into a bar.... and??'


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