One-Liner Jokes

Pj!

mad dave wrote: »

sorry if it's been said before


what did the magic tractor do?


it turned into a field.

10th time I believe.

What is it about that joke????

tfitzgerald

what did the pig say on a hot day at the beach? i cant stay here i'm bacon:rolleyes:

Rufus.T.Firefly

Our cats dead, we found it in the washing machine:(






At least it died in comfort.

admiralofthefleet

My bank told me I have payments on my account which are outstanding

That was nice of them

Rufus.T.Firefly

Saw two blind men fighting last night...I shouted,

"MY MONEY'S on the one with the KNIFE"




....YOU SHOULD OF SEEN THEM RUN..:p

jc7

BREAKING NEWS!

Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to tell everyone that Michael Jackson's was one of the best funerals of ALL TIME.

marcsignal

I'm going in for an MRI scan to see whether I'm Claustrophobic.....

dunnomede?

My pschologist says im obsessed with taking revenge... Yeah we'll see about that

jc7

What has the carling cup and a cordless drill got in common?

No Leeds.

major bill

first thing this morning there was a tap on my door
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funny guy my plumber:o

patrick swayze and micheal jackson are up in heaven arguing over who gets to put baby in the corner:o

byrner88

major bill wrote: »

first thing this morning there was a tap on my door
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funny guy my plumber:o o

must have been kev

Red Crow

Why did the woman cross the road?






Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen?!

Annel349

Rufus.T.Firefly wrote: »

Our cats dead, we found it in the washing machine:(






At least it died in comfort.

thats crewl! but serously funny!!

major bill

Man goes into a library and asks for a book on seance

librarian gives it to him on the condition he tells the lad who took the book on suicide to bring it back:o

Jay D

Anyone here hear about Jonathan Ross arrested last week in London for shoplifting? He was caught stealing kitchen utensils but when police asked him why he did it an adamant Jonathan Ross replied, "it was worth the whisk".

browner85

Shockin!!!!!!!!!!!

patmac

What's white and zig zags across the floor with a whip?





Strictly come dancing!

Sorry I just made that up, needs work.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

How many people work in the HSE?
About one third of them...

admiralofthefleet

Whats red and bad for your teeth ?

A brick!

PaddyBomb

Ive made a new foundation for battered wives. Its really thick to cover up the bruises!

Reginald P. DuM

What do you call epileptic lettuce?

A Seizure Salad.



Did you hear about the closure of the Pedigree Chum Factory?

It went into retrievership.

byrner88

robbed a calender last week . the judge gave me 12 months

Fabritzo

How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

My wife's left me due to my gambling.
How can I win her back?

GiftofGab

Any Stephen Gately jokes yet?

I know..........nice guy and R.I.P, im just looking for a joke

browner85

Stephen Gately dead eh?

What a bummer.

jc7

Today's post mortem is expected to confirm that Stephen Gately died in much the same way as Ayrton Senna - with skidmarks on his helmet!

jc7

With all the news about Stephen Gately's death it reminds me about when the news came out that he was gay, I couldn't believe it I was deeply shocked and a bit confused.

You mean some boy band members are straight?

admiralofthefleet

A mate of mine called me posh.

Needless to say, I had the butler show him the door.

woggas

Stephen Gately died?
I guess sometimes the mediocre die young too...

Heisenberg.

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