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One-Liner Jokes

JackKelly · 2003-07-30 11:39:05

Well, in my opinion, one line jokes are the funniest of most jokes,so i was thinking, maybe i should try make a list. As you can never really find funny jokes on webpages, i thought that there would be more sucess on boards.ie! So anyone got any? You know the type im talking about.From ridiculos ones, to the tommy cooper…

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#1652 26-02-2010 10:14pm
[Deleted User]
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Whats worse than having a dog chew your trainer?......having a killer whale chew your trainer.

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#1653 02-03-2010 3:32am
markfla

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Posts: 326

What do you do when there's an epileptic person having a fit in the bath?

Throw in the washing.

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#1654 02-03-2010 3:34am
markfla

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What has Paula Radcliffe and Hitler got in common?

Neither can finish off a race.

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#1655 02-03-2010 10:59pm
admiralofthefleet

Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭

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Posts: 15167

My friend was saying how he thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever.

He obviously hasn't bit straight into a fresh McDonald's apple pie.

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#1656 02-03-2010 11:07pm
quirkey35

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Posts: 13

Guy working in helium factory goes to his boss and says he's leaving. Boss says why? Guy says 'I don't like the way you talk to me' :rolleyes:

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#1657 02-03-2010 11:22pm
D'Agger

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Posts: 13178

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

My friend was saying how he thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever.

He obviously hasn't bit straight into a fresh McDonald's apple pie.

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#1658 04-03-2010 2:47pm
fobster

Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭

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Posts: 870

quirkey35 wrote: »

Guy working in helium factory goes to his boss and says he's leaving. Boss says why? Guy says 'I don't like the way you talk me' :rolleyes:

And the Boss says your says you're having a laugh! :pac:

I went for an interview for McDonalds yesterday, I asked what opportunities existed for working from home. They said they'd let me know.

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#1659 04-03-2010 9:10pm
quirkey35

Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭

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Posts: 13

Why do squirrels swim on there backs? To keep there nuts dry

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#1660 05-03-2010 8:17pm
Delta_Raven1

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Posts: 149

Q: Why was the washing machine laughing?

A: It was taking the p1ss out of the underpants

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#1661 05-03-2010 8:23pm
jc77

Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭

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Just failed my theory test.

Apparently female drivers aren't a hazard.

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#1662 06-03-2010 10:15pm
jc77

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Apple will be releasing a new gadget exclusively for women later this year.

It's called the iRon.

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#1663 08-03-2010 8:19pm
kildare9

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Posts: 171

A boxer goes to the doctor's and tells the doctor he is having problems sleeping.

The doctor says, "Have you tried counting sheep?"

"Yes," replies the boxer, "but every time I get to nine, I get up."

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#1664 09-03-2010 11:35am
jc77

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I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273ºC.

My wife thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K

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#1665 09-03-2010 11:35am
jc77

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Steven Gerrard could be in trouble with the FA after appearing to verbally abuse and stick 2 fingers up at the referee during Liverpool's defeat at Wigan.

Don't think he'll be too worried, he'll just get half a dozen of his friends to take the blame.

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#1666 09-03-2010 11:50am
BaZmO*

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jc77 wrote: »

I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273ºC.

My wife thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K

One for the nerds!

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#1667 09-03-2010 7:42pm
jc77

Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭

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Handy to have someone to explain the one-liners.

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#1668 10-03-2010 8:38pm
jc77

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Posts: 498

Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight.
It's an absolute mystery as to why though?

The plot thickens...

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#1669 10-03-2010 9:20pm
Princess Consuela Bananahammock

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A lawyer I know is facing an ethical problem: a client overpaid and gave me 300 euro instead of 200 euro. Question is, should the lawyer tell his parter?

Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.

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#1670 11-03-2010 12:12am
admiralofthefleet

Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭

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why was the computer so cold?

it forgot to shut its windows

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#1671 11-03-2010 12:37pm
jc77

Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭

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Posts: 498

I ran over an old guy's guide dog today.
Lucky for me there were no witnesses.

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#1672 12-03-2010 8:37pm
BaZmO*

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Posts: 18268

Two parrots on a perch, one says: 'Can you smell fish?

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#1673 13-03-2010 12:27pm
Terry79

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You know you're really drunk if you can't lie on the floor without holding on.:D

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#1674 13-03-2010 2:13pm
Terry79

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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.;)

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#1675 16-03-2010 12:14am
jc77

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If toyota are sponsoring all these films on TV, does that mean there's no breaks?

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#1676 16-03-2010 10:07pm
rogers4815

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1....

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#1677 17-03-2010 3:42am
marcsignal

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why does a dog lick his balls?

because he can :pac:

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#1678 17-03-2010 1:21pm
Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Registered Users Posts: 33,340 ✭✭✭✭

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Posts: 33001

marcsignal wrote: »

why does a dog lick his balls?

Well he´s not licking mine!! :pac:

FYP:D

Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.

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#1679 18-03-2010 8:33pm
MrDub84

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“How are you getting on with your exams?” “Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”

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#1680 18-03-2010 8:33pm
MrDub84

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Guidance Counselor: " Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Student: " In a mirror...duh."

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#1681 18-03-2010 8:35pm
MrDub84

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Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

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