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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1682
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Q. Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
    A. She can't find the eleven


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    #1683
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!


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    #1684
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
    A: Nacho cheese!


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    #1685
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Q: What's got four legs and no ears?
    A: Mike Tyson's dog.


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    #1686
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Do you believe in love at first sight or do
    I have to walk by you again?


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    #1687
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    A: Right where you left him.


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    #1688
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late


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    #1689
    MrDub84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭MrDub84


    Q. What did baby corn say to mama corn?
    A. Where's popcorn?


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    #1690
    bently
    Closed Accounts Posts: 60 ✭✭bently


    How To Catch a Rabbit,?


    Sit In a Field And Make a Noise like a Lettuce.....


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    #1691
    Gneez
    Registered Users Posts: 522 ✭✭✭Gneez


    How was copper wiring first invented?

    two jews grabbed the same penny


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    #1692
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    how much are tickets to the next eminem concert?

    50 cent


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    #1693
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    I love it when the clocks go forward, it means I can last longer than my usual 3 minutes.


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    #1694
    Penn
    Registered Users Posts: 33,610 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    I read a book on glue last week. It was great. Then again, every book is great when you've been sniffing glue.

    I bought a Muhammed Ali Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine last week. It's better than the George Foreman one, but it shakes a lot more.

    I watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon last night. Those dragons are well hidden


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    #1695
    DundalkDuffman
    Registered Users Posts: 734 ✭✭✭DundalkDuffman


    Got crashed into by a rental car last week. Bloomin Hertz.


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    #1696
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    I think it would have been bigger news if Ricky Martin announced that he was straight.


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    #1697
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there's only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan.


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    #1698
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Apparently, women can save 40% on their car insurance if they have the reverse gear removed from their car.


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    #1699
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    High flying Manchester United crash and burn against Munich


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    #1700
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    admiralofthefleet wrote: »
    High flying Manchester United crash and burn...


    Deja-vu


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    #1701
    SchweppesUTD
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭SchweppesUTD


    What did the left nut say to the right nut?
    The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!


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    #1702
    SchweppesUTD
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭SchweppesUTD


    admiralofthefleet wrote: »
    High flying Manchester United crash and burn against Munich

    Lulz :D


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    #1703
    SchweppesUTD
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭SchweppesUTD


    jc77 wrote: »
    I think it would have been bigger news if Ricky Martin announced that he was straight.

    He is as straight as a bannana!


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    #1704
    SchweppesUTD
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭SchweppesUTD


    What do you call a woman with one leg?
    Ilene


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    #1705
    clarke1991
    Registered Users Posts: 232 ✭✭clarke1991


    why did the bird fly into the window?
    because it was closed


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    #1706
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    Written on a condom machine in a Dublin bar

    "Insert baby for refund"


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    #1707
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Stephen Hawking had a hot date last night.

    She stood him up...

    And he immediately fell on the floor.


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    #1708
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    fobster wrote: »
    Written on a condom machine in a Dublin bar

    "Insert baby for refund"

    Oh i remember seeing that in Pravda around 3 years ago, is that still there or is it gone further? :D


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    #1709
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    Jay D wrote: »
    Oh i remember seeing that in Pravda around 3 years ago, is that still there or is it gone further? :D

    Still there!


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    #1710
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Q: How do you get God to laugh?



    A: Tell him your plans


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    #1711
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    People say smoking weed makes you unmotivated, lazy and unable concentrate at work.

    Lies! You can do everything you can normally do whilst under the effects of weed; it just makes you realise that it's not worth the effort.


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