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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1712
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    David Blaine is peed off that his world record of staying in a box for 42 days without doing anything has been beaten by Dimitar Berbatov.


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    #1713
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    What's the difference between the Iceland volcano and Cheryl Cole?

    The volcano is still blowing ash.


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    #1714
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Royal Ascot have declared that ladies day on 17th June 2010 will only be for Ladies with Panash !


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    #1715
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    I went to the sex shop today to return an inflatable doll I purchased because it kept going down on me.

    The shopkeeper said, "If I knew that I would've charged you more!"


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    #1716
    pphheerroonn
    Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭pphheerroonn


    Two dyslexics walk into a bra...


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    #1717
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    I went into my local newsagents and I saw that he had put up a big sign saying, "NO READING IN THIS SHOP"

    I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, "Which of these is the Dairymilk?"


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    #1718
    GopErthike
    Registered Users Posts: 251 ✭✭GopErthike


    bently wrote: »
    How To Catch a Rabbit,?


    Sit In a Field And Make a Noise like a Lettuce.....

    How do ye catch a 'unique' rabbit?

    u-nique up on him!


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    #1719
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    my mate called me a retard earlier i nearly choked on my window


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    #1720
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .






    A: She was afraid someone would caesar!


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    #1721
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    My wife's just like Heather Mills.

    She only wears half the feckin' shoes she buys.


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    #1722
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    The definition of irony.

    When Autorecovery runs it crashes Windows...


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    #1723
    Splainc
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 498 ✭✭Splainc


    fobster wrote: »
    The definition of irony.

    When Autorecovery runs it crashes Windows...

    Also works as The definition of geekdom


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    #1724
    CrashBandicoot Girl
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭CrashBandicoot Girl


    Why was the mushroom invited to the party??
    Cus he's a fungi!!!!:D

    I got more blonde jokes then one liners!


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    #1725
    GiftofGab
    Registered Users Posts: 2,386 ✭✭✭GiftofGab


    CrashBandicoot Girl wrote: »
    Why was the mushroom invited to the party??
    Cus he's a fungi!!!!:D

    I got more blonde jokes then one liners!

    why didn't he get in?

    Because there wasn't mush room


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    #1726
    bubbaloo
    Registered Users Posts: 758 ✭✭✭bubbaloo


    A guy walks into a bar and asks for a packet of helicopter crisps.
    "Sorry", says the barman, "we only serve plane!"


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    #1727
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    John Higgins has said if he is banned from snooker he would really miss it...

    It's not yet known if he'd miss it on purpose.


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    #1728
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    I told my girlfriend not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob but she never listens, it went in one ear and out the other.


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    #1729
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    After years of threatening to leave, last night my wife finally broke my heart.

    She's staying.


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    #1730
    RichieO
    Registered Users Posts: 320 ✭✭RichieO


    I think I was dyslexic when I was 12...........or was I... 21


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    #1731
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Gordon Brown's resignation has made a significant impact on the British public and beyond.

    Eastenders was cancelled.


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    #1732
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    Did you hear about the gay midget?


    He just came out of the cupboard...


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    #1733
    waffleman
    Registered Users Posts: 580 ✭✭✭waffleman


    First day in office and David Cameron has already put a Scottish family man out of a job!


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    #1734
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    Did you hear about the Irish Exorcism ?

    A woman had to call in the Devil to get the Catholic Priest out of her son...

    .


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    #1735
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    How do you know ET is a Pro-Life Non-Smoker ??

    Because he looks like one...


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    #1736
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    The Irish Aviation Authority issued an Ash Cloud warning after Gerry Ryans Cremation


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    #1737
    askU
    Registered Users Posts: 466 ✭✭askU


    What's the difference between Gerry Ryan & Private Ryan?
    They could save Private Ryan.


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    #1738
    willyg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭willyg


    Doctor doctor I feel like a snooker ball

    Doctor; get to the end of the cue :D


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    #1739
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    whats worse than a lobster on your piano ?

    crabs on your organ.......

    .


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    #1740
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    Tiger Woods is on the lookout for a new coach. preferably one with tinted windows and a water bed


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    #1741
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    last saturday night a mate of mine got locked up because of his beliefs :eek:


    ...he believed he could have a **** on the bus :pac:

    .


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