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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1982
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,343 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    jc77 wrote: »
    Fifa is less corrupt than the Xfactor Panel.
    jc77 wrote: »
    Mary Byrne.

    The last remaining contestant in the over 28's tone category.

    ????:confused:

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #1983
    Patri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭Patri


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    ????:confused:

    Hahaha oh wait I just got the second one hahaahhahhahahaa


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    #1984
    1mcampo1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭1mcampo1


    Why havn't we sent a woman to the moon yet?

    Cause it doesn't need a cleaning


    ________________________________________________________

    Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

    Fo' Drizzle


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    #1985
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Ever since it started snowing really heavy up our way the wife's done nothing but stare through the window,





    I suppose if it gets any colder I should let her in...

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1986
    Duddy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,134 ✭✭✭Duddy


    Sleipnir wrote: »
    In response to Raz's "what's pink and fluffy" joke

    What's pink and fluffy?
    pink fluff

    what's blue and fluffy?
    blue fluff?

    what's white and fluffy?
    white fluff?
    no, cotten wool.............dumbass.

    What's Pink and hard?!
    Pink fluff with a gun!

    What's Pink and harder?!
    Leaving Cert Honours Maths
    :pac:


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    #1987
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Msg from [url]www.Annsummers.Com:[/url]


    Dear Jordan,

    in relation to the red anal vibrator you ordered on page 16 of our catalogue,

    please could you select another item as this is our fire extinguisher.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1988
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I’m really getting fed up with my job at the Samaritans,

    I rang in sick yesterday and my boss talked me out of it...

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1989
    That_Guy
    Registered Users Posts: 51,342 ✭✭✭✭That_Guy


    Mike Ashley is hiring Alan Pardew as Newcastle manager on the basis of knowing him from a gambling club.

    Mike must have lost a big hand.

    (Funny in a tragic sense)


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    #1990
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    When travelling in extreme weather conditions the government's advised everyone to take with them, a bottle of water, some energy bars, a shovel, a hazard light and a blanket.







    I looked a right twat on the Bus this morning.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1991
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    A Welsh Muslim has been defended his actions after being caught shagging a sheep.







    He said it's Islam and he'll do whatever the fook he wants with it.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1992
    Balfie
    Registered Users Posts: 3,137 ✭✭✭Balfie


    ..Just like Dr.Cox in Scrubs, I know alot of people have one liners.. Whats your funniest ones? Mine are...

    Your About as useful as a pedal powered wheelchair.

    I'm as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.

    Her Boobs are so big ya could use one as a pillow and pull the other over as a duvet.

    What you guys got? :D


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    #1993
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Yer as funny as rabies in an animal shelter...


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    #1994
    alwaysadub
    Registered Users Posts: 11,554 ✭✭✭✭alwaysadub


    Dravokivich wrote: »
    Yer as funny as rabies in an animal shelter...

    He might ban you for that! :p


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    #1995
    Wazdakka
    Registered Users Posts: 4,467 ✭✭✭Wazdakka


    _________________________________________________________________


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    #1996
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    alwaysadub wrote: »
    He might ban you for that! :p

    haha, i said rabies not Rabies ;P


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    #1997
    poppyvalley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 372 ✭✭poppyvalley


    Dravokivich wrote: »
    Yer as funny as rabies in an animal shelter...

    If he was a ghost he wouldint give you a fright


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    #1998
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    My favourites.

    I know you are, but what am I?

    and

    Oh yeah?


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    #1999
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    Balfie wrote: »
    Your One Liners...

    What you guys got? :D

    Gerry Ryan.
    More a four liner though.


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    #2000
    Balfie
    Registered Users Posts: 3,137 ✭✭✭Balfie


    ooooh forgot this one

    If I had a bucket full of mickeys I wouldn't give ya one..


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    #2001
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    poppyvalley wrote: »
    If he was a ghost he wouldint give you a fright

    heh, it's meant to be more of a put down then a joke.


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    #2002
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    mikom wrote: »
    Gerry Ryan.
    More a four liner though.

    or a flat liner.


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    #2003
    af_thefragile
    Registered Users Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    err...


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    #2004
    godscop
    Registered Users Posts: 441 ✭✭godscop


    If ye had pedals i woudnt ride ya !


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    #2005
    petes
    Registered Users Posts: 8,382 ✭✭✭petes


    bonerm wrote: »
    My favourites.

    I know you are, but what am I?

    If I wanted my own come back I'd have wiped if off your mothers chin.


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    #2006
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    As excited as a poof with a bag of dicks

    or

    As excited as a blind poof in a sausage factory


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    #2007
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    Insurgent wrote: »
    If I wanted my own come back I'd have wiped if off your mothers chin.

    I know you are, but what am I?


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    #2008
    Skerries
    Registered Users Posts: 12,419 ✭✭✭✭Skerries


    you're about as much fun as leprosy!
    Untitled Image




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    #2009
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Balfie wrote: »
    Your About as useful as a pedal powered wheelchair.

    About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.


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    #2010
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

    About as useful as tits on a bull


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    #2011
    prinz
    Registered Users Posts: 14,598 ✭✭✭✭prinz


    One liners are always the best when they are off-the-cuff and original tbh.


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