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One-Liner Jokes

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    #2042
    Yes_Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭Yes_Man


    Hey babe, wana come round to mine later for a DVD? (Deep Vaginal Drilling)


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    #2043
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    I was in Brisbane waiting for ages for a bus.

    Then what do you know, two float past at once.


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    #2044
    Ah nuts
    Registered Users Posts: 90 ✭✭Ah nuts


    Roy hodgson: the worst pool manager since michael barrymore!!


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    #2045
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken


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    #2046
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    whats pink and hard, and stick out of your pyjamas in the morning ???

    your head


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    #2047
    El_Diablo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭El_Diablo85


    Apparently Gary Glitter is going to be the new Aston Villa manager after he heard the strikers were Young and Bent


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    #2048
    TanG411
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭TanG411


    I have a love for tornadoes.

    They sweep me off my feet!


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    #2049
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,379 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I got an invite to the 'marriage ceremony' for T-Mobile and Orange.

    The reception afterwards was shít. There was only one bar.


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    #2050
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,379 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Campbell's Pea and Ham soup. You can taste the meaty peaness!


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    #2051
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,379 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I just made my wife bubble and squeak.

    It's all in the foreplay.


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    #2052
    _MadRa_
    Registered Users Posts: 81 ✭✭_MadRa_


    Why did the Homeless Man rummage through the bins?
    Because alcohol destroyed his life.


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    #2053
    the varg
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭the varg


    What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

    A wonky


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    #2054
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Apparently the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag.





    So every morning I slap the missus and say "2 sugars, fat arse."

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #2055
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Apparently Gary Glitter's getting rather interested in Aston Villa now he's heard their strikers are Young and Bent.


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    #2056
    eoferrall
    Registered Users Posts: 2,542 ✭✭✭eoferrall


    jc77 wrote: »
    Apparently Gary Glitter's getting rather interested in Aston Villa now he's heard their strikers are Young and Bent.

    Apparently Gary Glitter's getting rather interested in Aston Villa now he's heard their strikers are potentially Young, Bent and Keane


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    #2057
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I opened the front door when the doorbell rang today.

    Standing there was a six foot tall mosquito, who punched me in the mouth and kicked me in the nuts..

    Apparently there’s a nasty bug going around.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #2058
    MalteseBarry
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭MalteseBarry


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I opened the front door when the doorbell rang today.

    Standing there was a six foot tall mosquito, who punched me in the mouth and kicked me in the nuts..

    Apparently there’s a nasty bug going around.

    When did three lines become a "one liner" ?


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    #2059
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    MalteseBarry wrote: »
    When did three lines become a "one liner" ?
    facepalm.gif

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #2060
    Plazaman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,012 ✭✭✭Plazaman


    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs?
    A Wonky Donkey

    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs and 1 eye?
    A Winky Wonky Donkey

    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs, 1 eye and smells?
    A Stinky Winky Wonky Donkey

    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs, 1 eye, smells and wears Blue Suede Shoes?
    A Honky Tonky Stinky Winky Wonky Donkey

    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs, 1 eye, smells, wears Blue Suede Shoes and plays the piano?
    A Plinky Plonky Honky Tonky Stinky Winky Wonky Donkey

    What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs, 1 eye, smells, wears Blue Suede Shoes, plays the piano and drives a Bus?
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    ....
    Fcukin' Talented !!!


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    #2061
    Booms
    Registered Users Posts: 339 ✭✭Booms


    What's the first rule about Dumb Club?


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    #2062
    atellyer
    Registered Users Posts: 62 ✭✭atellyer


    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


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    #2063
    Mike Litoris
    Registered Users Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Mike Litoris


    atellyer wrote: »
    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    Fukk off.:rolleyes:


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    #2064
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 542 ✭✭✭jc77


    Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife again.

    The judge asks "Why do you keep beating her?"

    Paddy says "I think its my weight advantage, longer reach & superior footwork."


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    #2065
    major bill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,421 ✭✭✭major bill


    Two dinosaurs walked on the beach right up to the waters edge looking at the boat sailing off in the distance.

    One said, "fcuk off then Noah you cnut."



    :pac:


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    #2066
    useurename
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭useurename


    Why did the anarchists only drink green tea?







    They were against property...


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    #2067
    DJCR
    Registered Users Posts: 986 ✭✭✭DJCR


    Why did the Cow go to the tanner?

    Because all the others went and she was easily seude! :D


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    #2068
    DJCR
    Registered Users Posts: 986 ✭✭✭DJCR


    Did you hear about the Kerry man who tried to blow up a bus?


    He burnt his lips in the exhaust!


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    #2069
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    China has announced it's team for the Paraplegics Olympics in 2012.

    They are,

    Fu Kin Mong. Sim Pal Twat. Won Key Eye and Gary Neville.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #2070
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users Posts: 20,987 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    China has announced it's team for the Paraplegics Olympics in 2012.

    They are,

    Fu Kin Mong. Sim Pal Twat. Won Key Eye and Gary Neville.

    how does garry neville qualify for China?


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    #2071
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    Irish scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. the more you have, the longer you live


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