One-Liner Jokes

wet-paint

How do you catch a rabbit? Make a sound like a carrot!

huggs2

Two flies playing soccer in a saucer one says to the other," you,l
have to do better than that , we,re playin in the cup tomorrow"

ferdi

NO MORE!!!! NO MORE!!!

Fuhrio

What do you call a bra stretched across a road? A boobie trap!

RobertFoster

Originally posted by BaZmO*
I don't get that!! Am I losing my touch????

In other words they can't spell.... :dunno:

BaZmO*

Originally posted by RobertFoster
In other words they can't spell.... :dunno:

OIC.... I just thought it was a reference to the Square!

It's not very funny is it?

And it's not even One-line!!


B.

honeymonster

How do you know if you are sitting beside a tcd student?

He'll tell you

Fearo

What do northsiders call duct tape?

Chrome.

Fearo

A new law was recently passed for travellers!

When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister.

malico

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea.."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and The Fool's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14 Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

15. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.”

Mac daddy

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea.."

good one

ravenhead

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.”

Excellant!!!!

Ameirgin

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

That had me in stitches - truly brilliant

Flashling

What didi the dyslexic,agnostic, insomniac do?
stay up all night wondering the existence of dog!

why did susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms

Why didnt she get back up again?
because she had no legs

why didnt anyone help her up?
because she had no friends!

Very sorry.

quank

Isn't there a thread for this as a sticky? ¬_¬

Raphael

what did susie get for christmas
cancer

knock knock
whos there
NOT SUSIE!

smoke.me.a.kipper

Originally posted by malico
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

the giggles got the better of me when i read that.

Fuhrio

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

thats my logic

Pugsley

Brilliant

Victor

Originally posted by Flashling
What didi the dyslexic,agnostic, insomniac do?
stay up all night wondering the existence of dog!

It is interesting that a dyslexia joke has a huge number of errors in it.

Flashling

I learnt to spell using a japanese biscit carton....can you blame me?


And i really didnt mean to offened anyone, dyslexic or japanese.....:(

Walter Ego

Best collection I've seen in a long time.

m4cker

My friend is studying medicine in ucd. this week (during exams) the med. people decided to give all their students in foundation year medicine a rabies shot. fine.

however my friend had a bad reaction and started puking all over the library.

i find this hilarious. i am sure some of you won't.

joe_chicken

whats the difference between neil armstrong and michael jackson?

neil armstrong walked on the moon, michael jackson abuses children!!!

BaZmO*

Two dyslexics in a bar, The first says, "Can you smell anything?" The second replies, "Anything? I can't even smell my own name!"

B.

Jabbathegut

Farken farney....

What do you call a woman who can wash up with her left hand, cook with her right, sweep with one leg, dust with the other, give a blow job and open a beer with her arse?

A Swiss Army Wife

billy the squid

heres one or two

Did you hear about the prostitute with wooden legs
her business was burned to the ground

She was later charged with arson

in court she hadnt a leg to stand on

how do you know a kerryman has been using the computer
there is tip ex on the monitor

what do you call a skeleton
a stripper gone too far

Whats the difference between "dublins country" and the titanic
the titanic went under playing music

LDurkins

Why did the scarecrow get a payrise?

Because he was out-standing in his field

(works better told rather than written)




>What were hitlers last words before his men got in their tanks?
>"get in your tanks"

LOL!!:D

filmlaw74

What do you call an Italian football player with a rubber toe?
Roberto

Walter Ego

Odd definitions, some might even say queer.

Vaginatarian = lesbian

Fagnostic = someone who doesn't know if they are gay or not.