One-Liner Jokes

cazzzzz

I failed Maths so many times I can't even count

psychward

cazzzzz wrote: »

I failed Maths so many times I can't even count

Calculus ? I had one of those once but the wheels fell off


I'll get my coat

Peejesius

What did the bus driver say to the man with no legs?

How are you getting on?

Lallz

Why wouldnt the crab share?
he was shellfish!.

why was 6 afraid of 7?
cos 7 8 9!

What did the big phone say to the little phone?
I'm engaged!

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
Your too young to smoke!

What's an arts students favourite phrase?
D'you want fries with that??:D

Trampas

poor bob holness
no sooner is he through the pearly gates and amy winehouse is asking for an `e`

EdgarAllenPoo

I bought a dog whistle, but it's bull****.Whenever I put it in his mouth, he just starts dribbling.

keltoms05

Relationships are like fat people - most of them don't work out

EdgarAllenPoo

I saw two blind men fighting the other day. You should have seen them run when I said my moneys on the one with the knife.

Trampas

jamie oliver can feed a family of 4 for a fiver at sainsburys

anthony worrall thompson can do the same for fook all at tescos

purehoor

whats the difference between a cow and a tragedy?
a scouser wouldnt know how to milk a cow

Sonics2k

I bet some girls would fart as much as guys if they shut up long enough to build up pressure.

hiscan

Not seen scousers this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney married Heather Mills.......

Xenophile

Original sin.

Nothing to do with the apple on the tree...........it was the pair on the ground!

MonkieSocks

A Northside Woman was admitted to hospital after havin phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 nokias 3 motorolas and a samsung.

No siemen was found..

EdgarAllenPoo

My phone kept trying to sell me useless duty free watches, perfume and Toblerone. Turns out I had it on airplane mode.

EdgarAllenPoo

Statistics say one in twenty of us live next to a paedophile. Not me - I live next door to a stunning fourteen year old !

MonkieSocks

I have just entered the Cruise Ship Lottery for a chance to go on a 2 week cruise.




Last weeks was a rollover

MonkieSocks

Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Glaswegians in the Bar.

They told the divers to Fook off they were all inclusive
__________________________________________

Apparently, Lionel Ritchie has cancelled all of his acts on cruise liners...

Dancing on the ceiling doesn't have the same appeal anymore
__________________________________________

A man phones an Airfix model shop and asks,

"Do you have a model of an Italian Cruise Liner?”

The shop owner replies “yes we have just one left"

The man says "Can you put it on one side for me?”

EdgarAllenPoo

I joined the Tourettes society today. It only took a minute to swear me in.

MonkieSocks

Just been to the barbers and asked for a Liverpool FC.

A mess at the back, nothing on the sides and fook all up front.... he charged me £130 million

____________________________________

Why does Harry Redknapp use a staple gun to lay his carpet..?

He likes to avoid the tacks..!!

patmac

Kenny Dalglish has rubbished rumours that Andy Carroll will be shown the door this month. KD said: "We have shown him the goal for months now and he hasn't managed to hit it, so its a complete waste of time showing him the door".

MitchKoobski

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered sex offender.

ZENER

. . . I don't get it . . .

chucknorris

My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.

marcsignal

my missus told me that her gynecologist said she couldn't have sex for three weeks, so I asked her what the dentist said :pac:

Xenophile

de Hea, the Man.United goalkeeper is just like Dracula he hates crosses.

EdgarAllenPoo

I've learnt morse code recently, so I can tell the annoying woodpecker outside my house to f**k off.

icjzfmq7ewon1t

Liverpool FC have announced a new sponsership deal with fairy liquid due to their amazing ability to remove scum from cups

EdgarAllenPoo

I am thinking of opening a new religious gym in town called.....Jehovahs fitness.

EdgarAllenPoo

I'm really jealous that my dog can lick it's own balls. I wish I could do that. But he growls everytime I try.