One-Liner Jokes

Bootup

Considering we've had a footballer, a marathon runner and now an Olympic swimmer suffer from heart attacks...... being a fat f*cker is starting to look like the healthy option for me.

efb

I was going to make a gay joke, butt fcuk it

jester77

How do you drown a hipster? ..... in the mainstream

rusty_racer94

I crashed my bike yesterday and it started bleeding.

It must have been a menstrual cycle..

Bootup

The phone rings, and the wife answers.A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair." Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"

Bootup

Have you heard about the gay bloke who put a nicotine patch on his penis? He's down to three butts a day.

Bootup

What's the difference between a bong for breakfast and anal sex? One makes your whole day, but the other makes your hole weak.

Ash.J.Williams

Bootup wrote: »

What's the difference between a bong for breakfast and anal sex? One makes your whole day, but the other makes your hole weak.

ah man....the fr brendan smith vs clint eastwood original version made much more sense!

EdgarAllenPoo

Whenever a bird ****s on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.

Bootup

What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Bootup

Do you know the difference between "meat" and "fish"? If you beat your "fish" they'll die.

Bootup

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? They already have boyfriends.

Hilly Bill

This is not the Last post wins thread Bootup You are trying too hard at least make them funny.

Bootup

Hilly Bill wrote: »

This is not the Last post wins thread Bootup You are trying too hard at least make them funny.

Bootup

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout "Air in the hands motherstickers! this is a fu*kup"

pullandbang

A man walked into a bar. Ouch! It was an iron bar...

Hilly Bill

Bootup wrote: »

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout "Air in the hands motherstickers! this is a fu*kup"

Like i said earlier

patmac

Just found out my friend overdosed on indigestion tablets--
I can't believe Gav is gone.

Bootup

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

marcsignal

where do you send a jewish kid with adhd

to the concentration camp

Bootup

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Warper

I like my jews like i like my orange-juice - concentrated

marcsignal

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and Acne ?

Acne usually waits until you're 13 or 14 before it comes all over your face.

Bootup

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? You call them up and tell them you can't come.

Bootup

What's the name of the new Catholic sperm bank? "Kingdom Come."

chucknorris

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his living room.

The bears not dead or anything, it's just afraid to move

Nothingbetter2d

Bootup wrote: »

What's the name of the new Catholic sperm bank? "Kingdom Come."

what do you call their second sperm bank outlet?

the second cumming of the lord

MonkieSocks

So Michael Owen said on Twitter he'd rather sit on the bench for a top club then play for a struggling team?

A Scouser who isn't willing to work for his money, what's new there?:rolleyes:

MonkieSocks

Alex Ferguson asked his wife to rent a DVD Last Sunday night because he didnt want to watch Match Of The Day.

He went Fookin beserk when she came home with GONE IN 60 SECONDS

Bootup

A birth control pill The other thing a woman can put in her mouth to keep
from becoming pregnant.