One-Liner Jokes

Bootup

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

Sunnyisland

What has the titanic and the sixth sence got in common...






Icy dead people...

Bootup

An Indian junkie accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.He's in hospital in a korma.....

TCG

This one i love it will always piss people off


Why did the chicken cross the road

To get to the other side

Bootup

A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental courtesan. "Is it true Asian women's vaginas are slit sideways?" he asks. "Why?" she responds, "Are you a harmonica player?"

Mongarra

Hope this hasn't appeared already.

Conversation between 2 gay cowboys.
"Yup?" "Yep!"

Worztron

A guy walks into an AA meeting. He says 'You're gonna have to help me, I cant stop gambling.' He was told he's in the wrong place. The guy says 'Your probably right, I'm so pissed I don't where I am'.

Worztron

A guy gets into a taxi. He says to the driver 'How long are you doing this?' The taxi driver replies 'For a long while, I like the job as I'm my own boss.' The passenger says 'Ah that's good. Ok now turn left here.'

Xenophile

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful things that money can buy"..Tom Clancy.

RichieO

I don't have an iphone, ipod or ipad but ip and ifart....

RichieO

I was at the doc's, trouble breathing, he said, "give up the fags" I said, "you smoke!" he replied, "it's ok for me, I took the hypocritic oath!"

Bootup

I woke up last week to find a West Indian shoved through my letter box,the next day it was a Nigerian followed the day after by a Jamaican,I think I'm being Black Mailed!

RichieO

Bootup wrote: »

I woke up last week to find a West Indian shoved through my letter box,the next day it was a Nigerian followed the day after by a Jamaican,I think I'm being Black Mailed!

I Like it but then I am a racist, I hate those black looks!!!

patmac

I was a reading a book about an immortal dog, I couldn't put it down!

Mongarra

I f*rted in the office lift. That was wrong on so many levels.

Bootup

Girl: "If my right leg was the afternoon meal & my left leg the evening meal, what would you prefer?" Boy: "Eating between meals."

Krispie

Hagar the Nice. wrote: »

Wife said she is leaving me
If I don’t get help for my Neil Diamond obsession……. I am I said.

Wife said she is leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees.
I thought she was joking...... Then I Saw Her Face.......

Achtung Maybe

I see that the US President and a Swedish pop group have created a new musical : Obama Mia

Xenophile

Achtung Maybe wrote: »

I see that the US President and a Swedish pop group have created a new musical : Obama Mia

"Yes we can can" in Swedish of course.

Bootup

With all the staff on holiday, the cemetery was able to manage with a skeleton crew. But it was quite an undertaking.

brugmand

spelling is dificoult...........chalinjing.................hard:(

brugmand

dyslexics are teople poo !

Cornetto

Where's the best place to hide money from a knacker?
Under a bar of soap!

RichieO

Long toilet jokes are usually shoite, so stand much closer, it's shorter than you think!

Xenophile

brugmand wrote: »

spelling is dificoult...........chalinjing.................hard:(

I agree I have lots of speln eros here.

HansHolzel

With all the hospitals west of the Shannon, what Indian fears a Wounded Knee?

Xenophile

Cornetto wrote: »

Where's the best place to hide money from a knacker?
Under a bar of soap!

If you are referring to the thief who tried to rob the itinerants tent!........I believe he was pulled out by the knackers.

Nutgrover

How to politely tell a friend that he's dating a silly bird?

You're f****ing stupid!

Bootup

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

Mariasofia

I used to be really indecisive; now Im not so sure.