coming into adolesence

chill

Originally posted by Thaed Right you two no need to get so snotty with each other. This forum is lightly moderated cos it hasn’t needed anything else until now.

Words of pearly wisdom

There are many styles of parenting and no two sets of parents do it the same it is one thing to do it differently and quiet another to condemn some one for handling the situation in a manner that was not your own.

Not true. It is perfectly valid to criticise another person's views of how to raise child. You imply that every variation of rearing method is equally valid, which is rediculous.

Yes children need to know that their bodies will be changing but there is no need to burdened them with information they don’t need yet.

Not true at all. But then experience cannot be bought or found in a book.

When should you talk to children about sex, and how much should you say to them? Are they not getting too much information already? At what age should they be allowed to go to discos? What limits should there be on television and video viewing? What do you do when your three year old puts her hands down the front of her pants in public? What do you say to your teenagers about dating? What can parents do to support their children in the face of powerful pressures and influences today? These are just a few of the questions tackled in this simply-written book. You will find it down to earth and practical.

All very interesting but best read and applied before the fact and not after it.

A book is a good starting point

I suggest that a book is NEVER a good starting point. A book is a good support tool after and during the process of informing and rearing.

With a book to refer to the child knows that this is real information and facts and that it is open knowledge and
not something that is hidden or that needs to be embarassed or a shamed to talk about.

If you think that all that can be delivered by a book you are sadly mistaken. A child should learn that information depends on the deliverer. Morality comes not from a book but from a parent, ideally. Expecting a book to deliver these things to a child without prior context is mistaken and a dereliction of parenting in my opinion.

It is so easy to rationalise the substitution of books for parenting - after all why suffer embarrassment when you can hand a kid a book to do your job for you, painlessly. It is so easy to explain away the importance of parents stepping up and overcoming their own embarrassment so that their own children will not repeat the same narrowminded problems.
We've been through the fifties, the sixties and the aids epidemic. Irish parents need to get over this obsession with embarrassment so that we can produce a generation of children and then adults who can see sex and their bodies as things to celebrate and not to be ahsamed about.

You clearly have your opinion, but that is mine.

Nevyn

Originally posted by chill

All very interesting but best read and applied before the fact and not after it.

Yes but unfortunatly parenting classes and parenting books are not the norm
in our society. parents esp new parents are left stuggling trying to cope or do things the same or a lot differently to the way they were reared.

Parents arent as supported as they should be, and with people having children later and not living closer to thier own parents and famlies getting smaller of the last few decades there is not the large family network to call on as there was once.

I suggest that a book is NEVER a good starting point. A book is a good support tool after and during the process of informing and rearing.

that is what I ment , but the book can the starting point for th parent, who will
dears gods I hope read it first before giving it to or reading it a child.

A child should learn that information depends on the deliverer.

that depends on the child some will happily believe and trust what thier parents say others feel the need to
find out for themsleves indendently.
I know I did.

IT is important to realise that we are dealing not only with our children today but the adult they will become in later life and the impact that adult will have on others lives.

This can be seen everyday with children that are not taught respect for anything at home.

Yes over coming our own short failings and hang ups is very important so that we dont pass them on to our children but we are not perfect and neither will our children be but we can love them and oursleves as if we are and do our utmost for them.

Victor

Originally posted by chill
There is more to rearing a child than 'informing' them. Communication takes many forms and one of them isn't tossing textbooks at them to save one's own embarrassment.

However, not every parent themselves knows everything about sex, in fact quite a few of them are as ignorant as teenagers. Providing the book is a good **start**. My parents could never talk to me about sex. For me, if I had an 11 year old now, it would be difficult for me to talk to them about sex. That said, it is something I'm planning on, but might wait for the third trimester before going heavy on the parenting courses.

I'm not sure, but I don't think many 11 year olds (whatever about 15 year olds) are going out to "cider and blowjobs" parties. I think hipchick is doing her bit concurrent with her sons experiences, at least it isn't afterwards.

Originally posted by majd
He's at that stage where he gets a hard-on staring at lino

It's OK, we're not that bad, close, but ....

The Sweeper

Chill

I'm not going to bother going through your post line by line, I'm tired and it has been a long day.

The point you don't seem to understand in this thread is that, however valid you believe your opinion to be, there are more diplomatic ways of criticising other people's methods than using the tone and approach you have used so far.

You are being patronising, you are being supercilious and you are being rude. You have completely belittled Hipchick in her approach and in her choice of which suggestion, supplied here, she would take.

It appears to me that you're probably quite used to getting your own way. Just because you shout loudly and are confrontationally blunt that doesn't mean we all have to accept your opinion. As with most unpleasant medicines, it is sometimes a good idea to sweeten the dose before delivery. Perhaps if your first post had been a little less obnoxious Hipchick would have added your suggestion to the list of those she should consider. It's your manner that has made your opinion so offputting, not your content.

And you are right, I don't have a child. However, at 27 years old it's a while since I've seen adolescence. And I don't have a child because I don't want children, and I take the practice of knowing my own reproductive cycle very seriously.

And do you know how I started to learn about that?

...from a book.

Dr. Loon

I would not have liked chill as a parent. Chill - you sound scary. I would have liked hip chick - encouraging.

That is all.

hipchick

Chill - Although what you said is true and children do need support, i as a RESPONSIBLE parent am supporting my child through his adolesence and i am providing him with an atmosphere where he can feel comfortable discussing whatever he wishes...

I think that we as a nation have moved on from the terrible fifties...people are less ashamed of there bodies and do recognise that sex is good and not dirty as many have been lead to believe, but there are still lots out there who continue to believe what the church has taught them.

I hope that you have given your son all the information and support he needs to grow to be a fulfilled adult but i feel sorry for him as i would not like to learn anything from you, i think you are very harsh....Give love and reap the rewards!!!!!!

Thanks everyone!!!!:)