Answer me this....

LegacyUser

ive been with my bf for almost a yr now.

everything is gr8 and we get along really well and i think he could be the person i marry. That might sound weird but i feel that way. I know he does love me, but he very rarely says it. he makes fun of me sumtimes. he doesnt rlly compliment me and if he does he will always act sarcastic after wards. when i ask him to tell me how he feels he changes the subject and jsut wont talk about it to me. we joke about being married but when i asked him straightout if he could ever see himself doin that with me he said no. he does love me cos he told me so, and i love him more than life itself. how do i get him to open up to me tho?
i dont feel like he trusts me. he has been burned by women in the past and i feel that is affectin our relationship badly.
And should i bother persuing this if he isnt as serious about me as i am about him?

JohnnyBravo

hes a man of course he is not going to say it all the time if you know he loves you why do you want him to say it i think that it is a huge step for a guy to say the words i love you and i know its thrown around a lot but if he is any thing like me that when he does say it it will be worth more than just frivolously saying it to you all the time
i know that mighten make much sense but im just trying to give it to you from a guys (ie me) point of view




Il probably get slaughtered for this

LegacyUser

i want him to say it cos i need to hear it to know it. he is not very affectionate towards me, and only rlly kisses me before sex.
if he feels it and it is so great, then why can he not share it with me? i say it to him all the time

JohnnyBravo

im Not trying to tell you what to do here but for some guys its a huge thing to say those words and by trying to make him say the words its like your trying to tie him down or make him yours now i might be talking pure ****e because he might be a good few years older but just ask him if he loves you tell him you want to hear it without any sarcastic remarks and if that doesnt work with hold sex (that last one was a joke just in ase you think im being insensitive to your problem)

Miguel_Sanchez

Originally posted by Cordee
i want him to say it cos i need to hear it to know it. he is not very affectionate towards me, and only rlly kisses me before sex.
if he feels it and it is so great, then why can he not share it with me? i say it to him all the time

Just because he says those 3 words doesn't mean he really does love you. He may do - but if you're pushing for him to say it he may just say it to appease you.

He's not very affectionate, he only really kisses you before sex and he never compliments you without being sarcastic. Warning bells should be going off in your head - I wouldn't put too much thought into marrying this guy.

bugler

I don't know how old you are...but I know that for some asking their partner if they could see them marrying them and being given the straight answer "No", would be cause for reflection. Doesn't look like he sees a future in it...so why do you?

LegacyUser

i am 19... i amnt that worried cos he loves me - he told me so...
i think he just says no about marraige cos hes afraid of the commitment or something.... i would marry him in the mornin if he asked me 2

JohnnyBravo

wow wow wow wow your nineteen are you insane my god woman no man wants to marry at 19 20 or 21 or anything up to 29 relax a bit slow down stop expecting something enjoy it now cos it might not last

skipn_easy

Originally posted by Cordee
. I know he does love me, but he very rarely says it. he makes fun of me sumtimes. he doesnt rlly compliment me and if he does he will always act sarcastic after wards. when i ask him to tell me how he feels he changes the subject and jsut wont talk about it to me. we joke about being married but when i asked him straightout if he could ever see himself doin that with me he said no.

It sounds like he's really not interested in a permanent relationship. If you're happy together then stick with it and enjoy it while it lasts. If he's not treating you well, he's only affectionate when he wants sex and says mean stuff to you then get out and find someone who feels the same way about you as you do about him.

Everyone's relationships are different and only you can decide if it really is what you say its cracked up to be. At your age (i'm also 19) i would be very wary of getting too serious with one guy.... I'm not saying that it'll go horribly wrong, I just think its good to have fun, meet different people and be independant while you can.

Hobbes

Originally posted by Cordee
i am 19... i amnt that worried cos he loves me - he told me so...
i think he just says no about marraige cos hes afraid of the commitment or something.... i would marry him in the mornin if he asked me 2

Your only 19. Marriage should be a long way away from your head for the moment.

He may or may not be serious, but I wouldn't push him on it. Certainly not now.

Just because at that age someone tells you they love you, doesn't mean they do. There are ways to determine if he does or not, however reality can sometimes be a harsh wake up call. Best to enjoy the moment for now.

embee

He sounds like a spa.

LoneGunM@n

A quick question .... what is it with women & needing to hear I Love You all the time!!

My Gurl always gives out to me about not saying I love you when I'm hanging up the phone [we're on the phone 10 times a day practically]!!

Before any1 uses the, she just wants to know if you love her line ... I proposed to her on Valentines day & have committed myself to her forever!! ... yet she still does it!!

hmmmmm

LoneGunM@n

Sorry about that rant!!

Cordee>> You've already said that you know he loves you:

i amnt that worried cos he loves me - he told me so..

yet you asked the question:

should i bother persuing this if he isnt as serious about me as i am about him?

IMO The question to ask yourself is am I enjoying myself in this relationship?

If the answer is yes!! keep on enjoying

If not, time to start thinking about getting out!!

seamus

It may be harsh reality time dear.......

Originally posted by Cordee
he makes fun of me sumtimes. he doesnt rlly compliment me and if he does he will always act sarcastic after wards. when i ask him to tell me how he feels he changes the subject and jsut wont talk about it to me. we joke about being married but when i asked him straightout if he could ever see himself doin that with me he said no. he does love me cos he told me so, and i love him more than life itself. how do i get him to open up to me tho?
i dont feel like he trusts me. he has been burned by women in the past and i feel that is affectin our relationship badly.
And should i bother persuing this if he isnt as serious about me as i am about him?

Right, the important thing here is has anything changed?. Was he always this distant and non-affectionate? Or was he all happy and kissy-coo and snuggly and crap at the beginning of the relationship?

If it's the latter, then it's over. He sees no future in the relationship, and is still with you because you don't cause him any hassle, and you supply him with sex. The relationship is easy and comfortable, but he has no plans to settle down with you.

If he's always been this distant, then it may well be a symptom of previous girlfriends. He doesn't want to get deep into a relationship because he's afraid he'll be hurt again. No amount of reassurance or marriage proposals will change his mind. This is something he has to get over himself. But quite frankly.......

he is not very affectionate towards me, and only rlly kisses me before sex.

This sounds like a man who's not interested in any kind of relationship. If you want to know what's going on, you'll have to corner him, and tell him exactly what you're saying to us. Maybe he'll bolt, then it wasn't meant to be. Move on and forget him, he was using you. Maybe he'll realise that what you say is true.

Either way you'll take a chance. Relationships are a game of chance. He who dares wins, etc.

Don't treat him like **** though or say "Tell me or it's over". If he's been so badly treated by women in the past, then you'll only confirm what he suspects and he can write you off as another self-centered bitch.

Hobbes

You could always say "What would you do if I said I was pregnant?"... that's guaranteed to provoke a response.

Or the tried and trusted is to see if he will get it on with your best friend/sister. As long as you don't mind loosing a best friend as well.

bugler

They're awful ideas, Hobbes

To be honest Cordee, and maybe I'm wrong, but the more I read your posts the more my gut reaction is that you're way more into him than he is into you, showing it notwithstanding. You keep insisting "I know he loves me", like you need to make yourself believe it. Seems to me someone is in the course of getting a lesson (perhaps the first serious one?) in how simple this old love business is not...first of many.

You're quite young. And if he's been hurt by girls before..well how old is he?

The_Conductor

While it would be very easy to say dump the guy- there are plenty of other blokes who'd love to be in his position, I know thats not the right answer. If you're both operating on two fundamentally different wavelengths- you are only going to get hurt in the long run. It'll hurt you to break it up with him- but it'll hurt you more if you leave it until such a stage that it boils over into a seething resentment of him- which may take years, but it will happen. My own personal advice is- you're young, you'll recover. Thank God there are no children involved. Make the break and make sure that you learn a lesson for again.

Just because you love someone, does not make them love you. Guys hate to say "I love you", and they hate it even more when pressed into saying it. He is taking you for granted because he knows you love him- if he was not on such steady ground he might be a different person?

S.

JohnnyBravo

But if you do or dont do any of this let us know what happens cos we are noisy well i am

LegacyUser

well i decided 2 confront him and ask him why he was actin the way he was. he was very honest which i was v glad about. i wasnt so glad to be told he has been cheatin on me with someone else for the past three months. i broke it off with him ... but i regret it now.. i love him so much... i want it to work.... i thik i can forgive him... am i being stupid?

bugler

In a word, yes :P How sorry did he sound? I don't think he's too remorseful to be honest, but then that is me speaking from the other end of the web...

Don't turn into one of those girls that let themselves be serially laughed at by men. Three months is a very long time, not exactly a momentary lapse was it? He doesn't give a toss about you, is unfortunately my interpretation. Sorry :-/

Gordon

Originally posted by Cordee
well i decided 2 confront him and ask him why he was actin the way he was. he was very honest which i was v glad about. i wasnt so glad to be told he has been cheatin on me with someone else for the past three months. i broke it off with him ... but i regret it now.. i love him so much... i want it to work.... i thik i can forgive him... am i being stupid?

Cordee, have you posted something similarly unregistered on the PI board before?

Anyway, let it go, end of story. Don't regret, don't look back.

ColinM

Originally posted by JohnnyBravo
let us know what happens cos we are noisy well i am

Yeah - keep it down, will ya?

Originally posted by Cordee
i thik i can forgive him... am i being stupid?

Well - duh - like, yes, you are being stupid. The very fact that you are asking this makes me sure you will go back with him, and be a doormat for the rest of your life. Sorry for the talking down, but this just makes me despair.
You're at a life-lesson crossroads here. Prove me wrong and do the right thing. Be strong and stay away. When you learn from this and add it to your well of inner-strength, you will look back on this in time and wonder how you could ever have been so naive.

patch

People don't change, if you go back with him you're just letting him know that he can walk all over you. And he will.
You need to wake up and move on with your life. The dick decieved you for three months!!! What the hell is wrong with you?