Windows Source Code

l3rian

/* Source Code Windows 2000 */

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big(16000000);
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();

if (first_time_installation)
{
make_100_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of-OS2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
} //if
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();

if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_31();
do_nothing_loop();
} // if
} //while

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,very_slow);
set_mouse(action,jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,sometimes);
} //if

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");

if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} // while
create_general_protection_fault();

} // main

BenH

You forgot to post all of the BSD networking stuff they stuck in to catch up after the Win95 initial release debacle

Regards,

BenH

Typedef

#include <stdio.h>

void take_over_cuba(){
printf("Die pinko linux user\n");
return;
}

class windows_twaddle{
public:
         virtual void write(char*write){
         printf("%s\n",write);
         return;
         }
};

class windows_way1 : public windows_twaddle{
public:
         virtual void write(char*write){ printf("%s\n",write);
         return;
         };
}

class windows_way2 : public windows_twaddle{
public:
         virtual void write(char*write){printf("%s\n",write);
         return;
         };
}

void long_winded_bloat_write(windows_twaddle & dot_net,char*argument){
 dot_net.write(argument);
return;
}

int main(int argc,char**argv){


      if(argv[1]){
           if(strncmp(argv[1],"Windows sux",strlen(argv[1])==0)){
      take_over_cuba();
      }

      windows_way2 a;
      long_winded_bloat_write(&a,"Windows .NET has detected you have recently used a machine running Linux. Microsoft will now buy a SCO licence and attempt to sue your ass.");
return -1;
}

Capt'n Midnight

[php]
My Fave bit

while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}


Windows 95 Source Code

Warning: do not compile; unpredictable results
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project: Version - Windows 95

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include
#include
#include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_blank_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_blank_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_blank_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows_95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}
[/php]
older version of the install routine from first post.
http://juancholandia.dyndns.org/humor/muestraArticulo.aspx?Articulo=109&Seccion=3

Capt'n Midnight

/* Source Code Windows 2000 */

#include "qdos.h"
#include "dos.h"
#include "posix.h"
#include "msxbasic.h"
#include "bufferNocheck.h"
#include "askforCD later.h"
#include "overwritepatch.h"
#include "sendinfo2bill.h"
#include "elua-decr.h"

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

NeverSayDie

//Common source code for Linux/UNIX:

#include "elitist.h"
#include "geek.h"
#inlcude "legacy.h"

if (user == "beginner" || user == "regular_joe")
{

while (pope==catholic)
{
rtfm();
obfuscate();
confuse();
}

}

if (hell.status = "frozen_over")
{

prioritise_usability();
user_centric = 1;

}

//Sorry kids, someone had to say it...

Typedef

Say what... that your code has no main function or that it has no exports defined?

NeverSayDie

Originally posted by Typedef
Say what... that your code has no main function or that it has no exports defined?

Actually, yeah, that pretty much covers it... Missing the point through excessive focus on technical detail was a significant part of what I was on about...

But hey, it's all in the spirit of fun...:)

BenH

Originally posted by NeverSayDie

But hey, it's all in the spirit of fun...:)

You say that now, but just wait untill SCO sues you for $3E9

Capt'n Midnight

..

Typedef

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
Re: Anyone got SCO's code then ??

BSD, for the last 10 years... apparently.