Pregnancy Scare = Dumped?

LegacyUser

Here goes.

My girlfriend of some time believes that she could be pregnant. I won't go into the details except to say that she's not the type that scares easily so there is a possibility that she is due to what she has told me.

When talking on the phone today I was trying to reassure her, telling her that I love her and would be there for her no matter what happened. She was, understandable, very quiet and hardly spoke a word.

This evening she told me that she wants to be left alone for a while.

She is going to find out tomorrow I believe whether she is pregnant or not but she told me that she wasn't sure whether she would tell me or not if she was.

This is bad.

A friend of mine a few years ago had a pregnancy scare and when thinking through the possibilities realised that her boyfriend wasn't the person she would ever want to have a child with and dumped him. I'm scared that this is going to happen with me whether she is actually pregnant or not.

I don't know what to do or say.

Any advice?

LoneGunM@n

I'm sure you are up to 90 over the pregnancy scare .... I know I was .... but the worry over your relationship must be so much worse!!

The only bit of advice I can offer is to try and sit down with her & discuss your fears .... but I'd give her the space she wants for a while first, because you could end up pushing her away!!

bugler

Any number of things could make your girlfriend decide that you're not the one for her. It's not worth worrying about. What are you going to do, change yourself into someone different in an effort to hold on to her? You just have to let things take their course. You don't really seem to have any basis for the fear that the same thing will happen you as did in your friends case, do you? What I will say is how you handle this could make her re-evaluate you as a person. And seeing as how you seem to have conducted yourself very well up to now and said all the right things, I'd say there is every chance this episode may enhance your standing in her eyes rather than diminish it. Good luck either way..

LegacyUser

Originally posted by YourUserName
My girlfriend of some time believes that she could be pregnant. I won't go into the details except to say that she's not the type that scares easily so there is a possibility that she is due to what she has told me.

Could be, might not be. Periods do get delayed at the most inconvenient of times (usually when you think you might be pregnant - or perhaps that's just when they get noticed most). I'll tell you, GF thought there was a possibility she might be recently. She's a nurse and has a good calm head on her so she doesn't panic easily. Just late. Three weeks late. She was 100% sure she was pregnant.

(and if she reads that (and she might) she'll shoot me as she's not so bluntly honest as I am so I'm posting unregged)

Any advice?

Yeah. Be yourself. I'm not one of those "if it's meant to be it's meant to be" types (because frankly that's horse**** propagated by lazy people) BUT as bugler said, what are you going to do: change into someone else just to keep her? I got dumped once, years ago. It hit me rather hard at the time but eventually I realised that 1) she was a fruitbasket, 2) she didn't deserve me and 3) she later got replaced with the person that she'd been a substitute for (who is also better looking and comes with her own personality) (these weren't things that I just told myself, they're actually quite true). All worked out in the end.

If she doesn't intend to dump you (you'll probably find out tomorrow), give her time to calm down.

It's funny really - post unregged and most people can probably still figure out who you are through posting style:D

tribble

If it's your baby (and it is subsequently born) you have the right to know and the right to legal access.
Not to mention the obligation to support them both should the gf wish.

tribble

koneko

Your girlfriend is in a state rate now. She probably doesn't mean half of what she says.

Yes, this possible baby and all the stuff that goes with it may have triggered something in her that made her realise she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with you. Or maybe she's just really really scared right now. You'll have to wait and talk to her.

Either way, let her know you'll be there for her and for the baby. If she is having the child, you should have access, and if she's a reasonable person she won't deny you that, whether you break up or not. Her emotions will be all over the place right now so she'll have to find out if she is pregnant, and then you two should sit down and have a serious talk about what you want to do.

dod

Difficult times. Hope everything works out for you.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by YourUserName
Here goes.

My girlfriend of some time believes that she could be pregnant.
Any advice?

simple bit of advice.

put both of yourselves out of misery, just do a pregnancy test.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I suppose there is nothing I can do at the moment but wait.

If she hasn't contacted me by this evening I know I'm going to be fearing the worst. If she gets a negative test result I'd say she'll be on the phone to me straight away but if it's positive there is a chance she won't tell me.

I suspect that if she is pregnant she will have an abortion - I don't know if I will ever know about this which I have to admit is quite unnerving. I hope she lets me know either way. I'll let ye all know how it turns out.

Victor

I think work out the next few days first. I suspect she is unlikely to uncerimoniously dump you.

What you should do is make sure there is someone there for her if she needs someone (sister / best friend / etc.). Don't tell that person, but tell your girlfriend to talk to someone (a short ambiguous text message is probably the best).

LegacyUser

Ok well she hasn't taken a test yet so we're both left worried. She has a close friend nearby who she can contact but I don't think she'll tell him about it.

I think at the moment she's so scared that she is actually pregnant that she's too afraid to take a test.

I'm starting to think that the chances of her being pregnant are quite slim (although that may just be me trying to reassure myself) - we never had unprotected sex and I'm always very careful with contraception. Doctors have told her that it may be very hard for her to conceive so that's going to lessen the odds again.

Even is she's not pregnant I know that this sort of situation has to make your re-evaluate your current situation so I know any doubts she's ever had about me are currently resurfacing in her mind. I know she's unlikely to unceremoniously dump me but I feel that this may be the catalyst that could make us grow apart. We're going to be living in different places for the next year so it would be hard going even without something like this.

I know people post these sorts of things all the time but the whole thing is a huge worry for me. People aren't that interested I'm sure but surprisingly it's good to even type this anonymously, kind of getting it all off my chest.

Hopefully by this time tomorrow it'll be sorted.

koneko

Absolutely, and you should have posted aswell. When you work things out in your head it's still abstract. Having everything written down and people supporting or confirming what you think will just make you feel more secure, or at least a bit calmer.

jesus_thats_gre

Without being insensitive, if I only have a buck for everytime I had one of those scares. And to think, I was a very careful little fella, damn girls

Sleepy

So, was she or wasn't she?

Best of luck, either way!

LegacyUser

Well she isn't pregnant. So that's a relief. Things are still somewhat distant between us though but I'm hoping we'll be able work through it back to waht we were before.

dod

If I have any strengths, being good at relationships is not one of them, but fwiw, I think that once the immediate stormclouds have passed, this will either drive you both indivisibly together and make for a rock strong relationship, or this will irreconcilably finish you as an item.

Hope it all works out for the best whatever happens. At least you can now look beyond the immediate issues that were causing recent difficulties.