CTYI-Based Stupid Story Thread

Raphael

Someone posted an amaturely photoshopped picture of a hung-over panda



Meanwhile in the discworld, Willie was...

Plasticman

...waylaid by the infamous C.M.O.T. Dibbler, who convinced him, against all common sense, to eat a whole sausageinabun (TM). Willie then run off screaming, to find...

s0l

He was back in the real world and it was all a dream, that was caused by a gas released by the little auto fellatio thingy,and now back to his own self he looked around and saw...

Raphael

That everyone on campus was wandering around upside down.

On closer examination he discovered that...

Havelock

that he was not upside down (like some of you may have suspected), but rather looking throught a lens. But thats the last we'll ever her of the device or willie. As neil's storm troopers exicuted both for being in so many posts on this thread, so they were no longer funny. But then since they had been summonded to this post they realised that they them selves were no longer funny, so they shot them selves. All this time the annoying people who had only played the beginning of songs in res looked onas behind them....

tibilt

and the man, said to be the late brother of mr.ryan, was found feet up in a sock. authorities say it was related to the anti-tree terrorism he was running from his seaplane.

Green Hand Guy

The very seaplane that had been known as the "Science Seaplane" until it was stolen by a samurai dressed as a small side salad with no tomato and had to be replaced with a bus. Little did anybody know that this seaplane was armed with the one device that could make an anti-tree terrorism campaign go wrong, a....

tibilt

...green handed tree monkey, who, when introduced to a wooded area, could bring about the destruction of all trees within a two bus radius using his deadly...

Liquorice

...Banana Gun, that uses walnuts as bullets. Many do not know that walnuts are effective bullets because...

Green Hand Guy

...skills in napkin folding which allowed him to fold a napkin into such a complex pattern that he could replicate a small tomohawk missile. He had learned this skill during his travels though the outer reaches of...

tibilt

(in response to scarlett)...many people are ignorant buffons who do not attend enough court cases to know that the judicial system does not allow walnut pellets to be carried by monkeys due to their exteme umbrellas. but a falling monkey...

(in response to green hand guy)...inner city dublin, where he also learned the trade of selling chocolate to kids and telling them it was marijuana grown in kuala lumpor, a country known for its...

Green Hand Guy

(let's keep up scarletts one)
...will generally travel faster than a falling walnut when aimed at...

tibilt

now its getting confusing. should we start again?

tibilt

or better still...a circus performer taking a amoke break behind a truck, due to the cigarettes inherent...

Havelock

(ignoring tibilt)....the ground from a higher place. But none of this is importaant to the central story of who the anti-tree terrorism where funded by, where they had gotten the highly trained monkey and which trees in paticular they wished to destroy....and why?.....

stevanavich

the anti tree terrorism establishment was funded and controlled by the "FBI" - Foliage. Based. Infrastructure. who obtained the highly trained monkey as the outcome of a series of gambling sprees at local clown run casinos in the deep underground layers of Jimmy Carter- who had a specific hatred for trees of the decidious variety, but only those with nuts... for squirrels grow fat on nuts, thus...

Liquorice

...making an inedible meal. Squirrel fat is semi-impossible to digest. The monkey failed in his mission, due to unforeseen complications. His mission was...

tibilt

...to identify and stike-mark the related deciduos trees for the terrorists secret weapon, spoons.while no one was killed in the ensuing onslaught, many were wounded by the spoon-shrapnel flying through the air.one victim, a clown from surrey said that the monkeys seemd to be...

Green Hand Guy

...taking note of which pieces of spoon shrapnel did the most damage, possibly so they could use this information to build the Ultimate Spoon, a spoon so powerful it would make really really really good spoons look just really good. The one thing they needed to finish this weapon was...

tibilt

...a whale.a bloody great big whale that could only be obtained from a secret underground scientific laboratory in mexico.all they needed to gain accees was...

Liquorice

...to sleep with the guards. Of course, this would be quite difficult because...

On I side note I AM THE GREATEST SPAMMER EVER! Over 130 posts in one month, plus most of the posts were on-topic.

Green Hand Guy

the guards were unfortunately born with no sex organs due to...

tibilt

...their blood being infected with a rare substance known only as rory. it's been known to be fatal to cats and can cause brief bouts of annoyance in humans, but the monkeys were invulnerable to its charms because of...

Green Hand Guy

... every third sunday they went through a cleansing ritual involving eating three lord of the rings promotional calendars before spinning seven times while wearing a bowler hat and replacing their shoes with...

ll=llannah

...dirty socks to further scare the disease away. (But this is unnecessary, seeing as they are monkeys and brilliant and dominant and therefore don't need the cleansing ritual because they are immune, but do it for superstition's sake.) So the monkeys, immune to the disease, infected the guards with the disease, (killing them instantly and very painfully- like listening to its a small world over and over and over and over again.) Now with the guards dead, the path was clear to the great big whale was clear . . . UNTIL . . .

So-on

...the Northern Line train from Paddington to Finchley tore through walls of the complex, at exactly 5:06 in the afternoon. The resulting bouts of insanity interrupted the monkeys disease spreading ritual. In the utter dismay and confusion, the distraught monkeys proceeded to hijack the train, and....

ll=llannah

. . . plow at full speed through the whale. causing even more mayhem because the whale cracked open as the train cut it in half. To the suprise of the gathering crowd, the whale was not a whale but only a trojan horse of sorts. Exactly 789,457,237,347.2 (the monkeys are quick with math) clowns jumped out of the whale, making the monkeys stop the train spattered with fake whale blood and get out to go see what the clowns were doing. To the monkeys' shock and horror, the clowns-while frolicking and juggling and doing the clownish sort of things clowns do- began to perform the monkeys' copyrighted disease-preventing dance!
The monkeys promtly sued the clowns (although they are immune to the disease, they are not immune to the spreading let's-sue-people-craze.) Eventually the case was taken from the small courtrooms of mexico, to another small courtroom in Texas, to another court where a trashy news show did a story on it, causing mass media coverage of the case. After many interviews of the clowns and monkeys with Barbara Walters and other such interviewers, it got the publicity it needed to get to the supreme court. When it got there, the Supreme court justice promptly decided that the clowns . . .

Green Hand Guy

...were actually his long lost family who he had become separated from as a baby while lost in the jungle. He would have died was it not for a friendly pack of Supreme Court Justice's who found him and brought him up to live like one of them. He cleared the clowns of all charges and decided to...

Havelock

Award the FBI several big shiny medals and through his contacts in the Jungle (of the pentagon) he increased the funding into the utimate spoon, with off shoot into the develoment of the stealth spoon (you never knew you ate), the smart spoon (knows excatly what to feed you) and using back enginnered Alien technology the Aurora Spoon Project (so secret and powerfula spoon that even when the Utimate Spoon tests where completed and it was in service, the government still denided the existance of the Aurora Spoon). And now we return to the main character in this whole fiasco the one, the only, terry the midget germ (who as everyone remembers was the only witness who didn't have his memory of the alien landings at session one whipped by the MIB), he is at this very moment.....

Green Hand Guy

... in a public toilet seeing that Mr. Brown and friends make it to the coast. Unfortunately while he was in there a local scientist went on a mad killing spree after being driven insane by...