Where to start.....

LegacyUser

Im a girl. I have terrible issues with the way I look. Im about 15 stone. Tall though, and broad. I have an ugly face, a deep voice, terrible hair, gross teeth and I generally detest how I look. My boyfriend tells me he thinks Im beautiful but he has to say that. Im sure he doesnt actually tink it. He says I shouldnt worry about it but I cry a lot about it and it gets me down. Im constantly looking at other women and comparing myself to them and I dont compare. I hate going out to a club with him because I feel like an ugly fat lump beside all of the other girls there. Ive been like this since I can remember. And please, dont tell me to go on a diet etc. Ive tried. That makes me miserable. I dont overeat. I dont go to the gym or get any exercise though, at least not proper exercise. I geniunely dont have a single feature that I like. I never look in mirrors unless totally neccessary, and when I do I feel physically ill.

It is merely a physical thing though. In relation to my personality, relationships, friendships and life in general I dont feel I have particularly low self esteem. I am an outgoing person but this one thing depresses me something rotten.

This is a rant more than anything else.... feel free to comment though if you have ever felt this way.

jesus_thats_gre

My boyfriend tells me he thinks Im beautiful but he has to say that. Im sure he doesnt actually tink it.

I feel for him. The poor fella just cant win can he, I used to have a similar problem with my ex. No matter what I said or done, she was constantly obsessed with how she looked. Whether or not you fella thinks your pretty, he is still with you and loves you for what you are. Take this advise, at least stop obsessing over it with him around, as it will drive him crazy eventually.

At that, some people are pretty and some are not. I personally am overweight and wish I was more appealing to the opposite sex. No point dwelling on it though, you will just torture yourself and those around you. You said you have tried to change how you look and have had no luck, I would just accept how you look and get on with everything else in your life that makes you happy.

I probably could have been more subtle, but I have a feeling ya might be better of with a bit of brutal honesty.

Nevyn

dear gods get a grip, get a bike or get laid else where it will do wonders for ur lack of self esteme.

doctor evil

Get some excerise you dont have to join a gym, you can walk or what ever it can improve your appearance and you feel happier because excerise releases endorphins, which make you feel happy and good about your self.Do or find something that you enjoy, for instance I do horse riding and I absolutely love it and its fantastic exercise and you get out in the fesh air.

jesus_thats_gre

Seems like the blunt honest approach is being used by everyone.........

I think a get over yourself is needed. Combine that with a get on with the rest of your life and you should be ok

Nevyn

Well either that or it is a badly played lampooning of someone, sad tbh.

Kell

I was about to say something and thought "Damn she's fifteen". I was about to ask if you and your BF are having sex, so I will re phrase and ask if he goes down on you. If the answer is yes, then there must be something attractive about you. I dont care what anyone says, men just draw the line at going down on ugly women (save perhaps for Merc through his own admission LOL).

I agree with Doctor Evil. You dont need a gym to exercise. Theres loads of pools, hundreds of miles of footpath and endless kilometres of hills to pound off the bulge.

Or you could drum. Evil will agree with me here (methinks). Go buy yourself a Djembe and get drumming. Lots of research has gone into the uplifting effect playing a percussion instrument has on a persons psychy. Something to do with your bio-rhythms etc. Anyways, dont just take it from me. Go and buy something that you can hit (musically) and see what happens.

K-

bugler

Nowhere does she say how old she is.

Not much I can say about the way you look...if you want to change that badly in terms of losing weight then you can. Could be bastard hard work, and you might not think it's worth it, but it could be done.

On the issue of your boyfriend thinking you're good-looking..well if he's going out with you and your relationship is going reasonably well then he has to be attracted to you..

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

TwoShedsJackson

Originally posted by HorribleWitch
blah blah blah

Have you got big tits? If so, that's probably what's keeping your boyfriend hanging around.

Trojan

Basic psychology: calling yourself something like "Horrible Witch" isn't going to help your situation.

Here's a couple of tips: you don't need to become a supermodel all at once. Break things down into things you can change about yourself to feel better - start jogging or cycling a few times a week (invite the bf along). Change your posture so you're sitting up straight and not slouched. Get one or two nice, expensive outfits for yourself. Go get a new hair cut/colour/whatever.

Finally, learn how to take compliments from people - they'll feel better about giving them and appreciate you even more.

Noone can help you, but you. And it's not so hard once you get started.

Like the Nike ads say, Just do it.

Typedef

I agree with Kell.

Make your lover munch the rug.... you'll feel 'so' much better..

no... umm, pun intended

Boston

what is it wth you people are oral sex, its your answer to everything

claire h

Originally posted by HorribleWitch
My boyfriend tells me he thinks Im beautiful but he has to say that. Im sure he doesnt actually tink it.

You know... boys are basically a very shallow sex. So if he's telling you you're beautiful, he more than likely thinks you are.

Most girls compare themselves to other women - know how you feel about the mirrors thing, too, I avoid them. But do give exercising a go - endorphins are fun and happy-making. *grin*

Sarky

Originally posted by claire h
You know... boys are basically a very shallow sex.

We prefer the phrase "to the point"...

simu

My boyfriend tells me he thinks Im beautiful but he has to say that. Im sure he doesnt actually tink it.

If somebody gives u a compliment, give them the benefit of the doubt, believe them.

There's nothing more tiresome than someone with constant low self-esteem.

Oriel

Originally posted by HorribleWitch
My boyfriend tells me he thinks Im beautiful but he has to say that. Im sure he doesnt actually tink it.

I'm pretty sure he does think it. Just because you don't find yourself attractive, doesn't mean that other people don't.

When he says you shouldn't worry about it he's wrong - if it's getting you down, then you should worry about it. You need figure out what you want/need to do to make yourself feel better about things. Yourself, not for anybody else.
I also feel sorry for your boyfriend, you're telling him that this person that he finds beautiful is ugly, but there's no way of him assuring you that he means it. Trust him.

Also, bear in mind that hardly anybody is happy with how they look.

bloggs

Originally posted by Sinecure


Also, bear in mind that hardly anybody is happy with how they look.

I am

But to the point in question, Witch, if your b/f is still with you, he likes you. Us fellas don't hang around long if we aren't to interested. BTW have you told him everything about how you feel?

mr_angry

I think sometimes people have to come to a point where they accept who they are. Unfortunately, we can't all have model good looks, or be fabulously talented at something we want to be. But the most important thing to know is that you can still feel good without these things.

This might sound stupid, but try FORCING yourself to feel good for a day. No matter what. What you really need to do is break your cycle of negative thinking (I sound like a complete loser here, but it's true). Give it one day, and if you can manage that, you'll never want to go back. And you'll still be the person you are today, exept you'll feel good. After all, that's what you want, isn't it?

Agent Smith

here's my 2 cents.....

a question to the men here.


would you not go out with a woman if she was (shall we say "husky")


god yeah i would, love is not whats on the outside, love is whats on the inside.

love is the heart,soul,cournerstone of human exsistance. without love we are lesser then ****,


love is everything.
looks only last so long, look at sophie ellis bextor... i doubt she would look as attractive when she is 70.


i bet he loves you. why else would he go out with you.....



thats my 2 cents

Mac daddy

Originally posted by agent smith
looks only last so long, look at sophie ellis bextor... i doubt she would look as attractive when she is 70.
/B]

She looks like a alien with that big forehead:rolleyes:

As for HorribleWitch stop the moaning he has some kind of feelings for you otherwise why is he still sticking around.
You ,might look like a dog what you think he might think the sun shines from your arse:)
And your only 15 you have'nt fully developed yet give yourself time, you might be one of those ugly ducks that turns into a swan

Walls

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
I may not have found the answer to life with her but I had a fair Idea of an answer to that eternal question..."who ate all the pies?"

Now that's funny.

Kid, your bf doesn't have to do or say anything he doesn't want to. If he says he thinks you're pretty its because he thinks you are.

This isn't to do with being pretty or being ulgy or any of it. It has to do with the fact that you don't feel up to being an adult just yet and undermine yourself to express that fact. Give yourself a break from the question, just for a while. How you look now will differ in six months or a year anyway, so the question is mute. Stop worrying about your looks and start thinking about the rest of you, you'll find yourself and life a lot more interesting because of it.

Nevyn

i think you are all getting the use of the number 15 wrong. the orginal poster
stated

Originally posted by HorribleWitch
I Im about 15 stone.

some people are simple a bigger build then others what matters most is that you are fit and healthy.

so stop looking at twiggy as a role model and think wonderwoman or xena
nothing wrong with being of amzonian proportions. infact there are a lot of men out there that prefer that build of women as they have a lot more curves.

but get yourself healthy and trim.
you will fell a hell of a lot better and stop going into daft shops like topshop that dont cater for a fuller figure and learn to dress to make the most of yourself.

WhiteWashMan

you are only overweight when you feel you are, not when current fashion dictates you should be 7 stone lighter.

you are only ugly if you feel ugly.

if you dont like who you are, change yourself.

DUX

Nowadays everything can be done, work out in the gym and a strict diet for the body, and plastic surgery for the rest (yes, I am pro plastic surgery... we are in the year 2003!!).

But if you are not willing to put some effort and prefer to spend your time and money doing something else then is your choice.....

Never mind what other people think, if you see yourself ugly and the others see you as a very attractive girl this wouldn't make you change your mind and you will keep feeling the same way.....

Kell

Originally posted by Thaed
i think you are all getting the use of the number 15 wrong.

Oops. Sorry, my mistake.

Merc, I only read from your posts in that nefarious private forum.

Tall and big is good. I remember watching this programme about some artist who does castings of naked women in bondage positions. His model was *HUGE but, boy was she a turn on.

*huge in the large but well proportioned sense. No blubber or anything else besides.

Kell coughs and exits feeling he has already opened his mouth too far.

Anyway, as myself and Typie said, if he has been with you for a while and eats box and gets with the beast with two backs, what are you worrying about?

K-

the_syco

WTF are ye moaning about? Ye gotta b/f!

ME, I'm 6foot 6", pot-bellied, and I used to moan about me weight (dam office job), but now I go walkies. Walkies is great fun. Walkies last anything from 30 minutes to 3 hours. My view of walkies, is "wots down this lane...?", and a while l8r I trun back.
The great thing about walkies is, rather than the gym(ar as HS says, the gime), is that there's nobody with a 6-pack, tree trunkin' muscles, goin walkies.

Also, you may think we all compare women to the models on TV, but we think youse do the same, 'cos the door swings both ways.

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If yer b/f likes ye, and asks him the qualities that he likes about you. Then improve those qualities, and yer sorted.

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Thats my 57 cents.
Chillin'

Dakeyras

Originally posted by Boston
what is it wth you people are oral sex, its your answer to everything

and its usually a pretty good answer to any problem i think.

feeling a bit low oral sex solved
Football team lost oral sex forgotten
stressed oral sex no more stress
work getting on top of you oral sex that aint whats on top of you now


the list goes on and on, its a damn good answer or at least a way to start solving. and if that fails you should think "what would the lone ranger do?"

Walls

Shag Tonto, by your reckoning.

Dakeyras

Originally posted by Walls
Shag Tonto, by your reckoning.

lol
if thats your take on it, but only think of the lone ranger after the oral sex fails. And i never really took the lone ranger and tonto for a gay couple. Damn i must have missed that episode.

smiles

Original Poster, as hard as this is for me from a personal point of view I think I'll throw some personal experience in here.

I am probably in and around the same weight as you are, a little less I think, but that's probably because I've given up weighting myself. I'm damn tall, almost 6' and broad top.

I have a deep voice, hair that's too thick and frizzes at the slightly thought let alone touch, my teeth aren't grade A and I used to hate myself more than words can say.

What's changed? Well being tall is a good thing, it means that you can carry more weight more evenly distributed, imagine what someone who is "normal" height - ie. 5'4" would be like if she weighed what you weighted. Plus one for the tall girls.

Also being bigger and taller probably means that you have (to be terribly blunt) tits. I do, and not the kind of tits that you need a wonderbra to see. Seriously, I learned to appreciate my "assets"! You should too.

As for the hair, to a hairdresser and ask for an assesment and see how it could be cut to be more glossy / managable, etc, you never know it might help! (ok, so mine's still a disaster most of the time, but sure i need one flaw, right?)

As for a deep voice, my god, trust me, it's an asset, for some reason an awful lot of guys I know comment on the fact that my voice can be terrible husky at times.... and in their eyes they seem to equate husky with sexy.

Teeth, go to the dentist, if you need braces then see what can be done about it, it'll be a good thing in the long run and most braces are practially invisible these days. If it's just that you _think_ they're discoloured and look manky... well get them cleaned, buy yourself some McCleans Whittening, or whatever it is called and see if it makes a difference!

But overall what made the biggest difference to me was just starting to believe in myself, if you slouch (like I used to do all the time and was the first thing a friend of mine who hadn't seen me in a year pointed out "OMG, you don't slouch any more!) -- it does help, both in backache and in feel good terms, people respect confidence.

Do not compare yourself to other girls, you are yourself, you obviously have a loving boyfriend and you should concentrate on having a good time, if he's happy to go out with you then just let it be, enjoy the moment and try dancing and staring into his eyes rather than into the figure of the girls beside you!!!

Try to get some exercise, I started Karate and while it killed me initially (I was actually ill and had to stop half way through my first session, but i waited until I had got my breath again and went back in - hardest thing ever tbh!) it got easier and it made me feel far better about myself.

Try swimming if you can, get your boyfriend involved, go swimming together and just mess about in the pool, don't go into the lanes to start off with, instead slowly swim from one side to the other -- relaxing and talking in between.

I would also suggest that you go to your doctor for an overall checkup, tell her how unhappy you're feeling and ask her if she thinks that swimming/walking/some positive change would help, they're there to help and you never know what could happen.

Best wishes and good luck, I'm always available by PM if you need someone to talk to.

Fionnuala