Bad patches

LegacyUser

What does anyone think about bad patches in relationships?

I've been seeing someone for over two years, and I thought he was the one. We spoke/saw each other every day for two years and were making plans together. We spoke regarding marriage, children etc.

However lately we have been rowing and rowing - we have both gone through some home/work changes and so it wasn't unexpected. This has led to a series of rows over anything and everything - from how I put the milk in the fridge to why he wouldn't pay for the video on Saturday night. Two weeks ago we had a blasting row. And we haven't spoken since. Fault both sides, but who should be the one to call? Normally it's me that tries to make things ok, but if he can't be bothered why should I? And do relationships get out of these patches or are they symptoms of bigger problems?

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

TwoShedsJackson

Originally posted by Confused Female
This has led to a series of rows over anything and everything - from how I put the milk in the fridge to why he wouldn't pay for the video on Saturday night.

Anyone who'd row over how you put the milk in the fridge is obviously a prize fuckwit - I recommend killing him, then eating him to hide the evidence.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

The Sweeper

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Though people who do not cling film wrap cheese and other freshly "opened" products of a similar nature.. eg tuna corndbeef slices etc after use should all be shot. Possibly after a sever beating.

Roffle Roffle Roffle

You know, I live with someone who's 100% guilty of "ham that goes red and hard round the edges" syndrome.

And curly bacon. And grey tuna. And hard cheese. And crispy hotdogs. And half a glass left in the orange juice carton.

Then again, I have the ability to leave socks EVERYWHERE I GO. And shoes in the middle of the floor. And the microwave door open. *EVERY* time I use it.

I think the fact that we don't become hissing spitting balls of fury at any of the above is a reflection of something positive in our relationship.

(Either that or he's doing the same as I am and storing it up as fuel for a stabbing frenzy of furious resentment using a blunt spoon.)

Havelock

Its just tension, all relationships have them. Do you still love him, does he still love you. If these were your first big blow ups, they are long over due, there are no such thing as a perfect relationship. You are both getting small pent up stuff out of the way. You put in your post that the build up was all his fault. Is this true? Ask your self honestly, have you also been a bit off humour with all the changes? Not laying blame, just asking. If you have or haven't it makes no diffrence to who should try to patch things up. Both of you should, but one one will first. It shouldn't be a pride thing. Do you have any mutal friends, from with you can find out how each other are? Find out, then decide what you want to do.

Beruthiel

ok - it’s like this, people do not argue over silly things for no reason – there is a very big reason underneath which has not been addressed, (I’m not saying Mercie is correct on the ‘cheating’ thing, but something major is up somewhere)

Only one way to find out, sit him down and talk to him, something is eating away at him somewhere and he cannot verbalise it, hence the milk thingie
(Mercie – perhaps he is not putting the milk away – hence the problem!)

yes, everyone has bad patches, but once again, there is always a reason for them and sometimes they can be worked out depending on what that reason is
you won't know till you both start talking

LegacyUser

I could not agree less.
Relatsionships go through bad patches all the time.
Sometime you hate them for 2 weekes and then your loved up for a month.
Only you know if its someting more serious.
Getting all worried about it and then sitting him down for 'A TALK' will just make a small issue into a big problem

The Sweeper

Originally posted by dooser7
I could not agree less.
Relatsionships go through bad patches all the time.
Sometime you hate them for 2 weekes and then your loved up for a month.
Only you know if its someting more serious.
Getting all worried about it and then sitting him down for 'A TALK' will just make a small issue into a big problem

Listen genius, you may think it's a-okay to roar at someone like a tinkers dog because you've had a bad day but frankly if someone went for me about something petty it would be the last time they did it. I put up with that shít for years thinking "I'm sure all couples do this" and hey, guess what!! THEY DON'T!!

Some couples are sufficiently well adjusted that they speak to each other in a civil fashion "I'm tired", "I'm not in good form", "sorry if I'm snappish I've had a bad day".

If things have been peachy for two years and now after a few work/home changes they're at each other's throats, that's hardly a good thing. The original poster needs to sort this out quick sharp before the whole thing goes tits up and becomes unsalvageable. She needs to look at how she's feeling - is she pissed off with the new situation she's in, is she stressed with work, what's up etc. When she figures out how she feels, she needs to go to him and ask him what's up.

As they say in the freudian slip joke, "I meant to say 'pass the milk' and it came out 'you bitch you ruined my life".

doozer7

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
Listen genius, you may think it's a-okay to roar at someone like a tinkers dog because you've had a bad day but frankly if someone went for me about something petty it would be the last time they did it. I put up with that shít for years thinking "I'm sure all couples do this" and hey, guess what!! THEY DON'T!!

S

Jesus Christ!!.......angry much?

An arguement about the milk is not the same as raoring hurtful things at each other. The idea that you'd get through life with someone and never get on each others nerves is ridiculous.

By the way Minesajackdaniels maybe your problems stem from the fact that your aggresive and reactionary? I don't doubt those around you have 'bad days'.

LegacyUser

Ok, as the original poster not so much about the milk! ]

The point I was trying to make was from being "loved up" we are arguing incessantly. I know thats not a good sign. However we ha a semi-civil chat last week and we both agreed that it was at leats a sign of a live relationship.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

GuanYin

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Though people who do not cling film wrap cheese and other freshly "opened" products of a similar nature...

You should never wrap cheese in cling film.

Cling film reacts with cheese and turns the flavour slightly.

For best results use tin foil.

Shilo

Call me weird but I honestly don't think a relationship is healthy if you can't argue and get over it afterwards. I'm not suggesting that there should be a constant climate of conflict over every last little thing but neither do I subscribe to the state where everything is discussed and talked about a la I've had a really bad day and I'm a tad snappish. It may be the case when you first get together with someone but after a while, you have to get past that whole tiptoeing round one another thing and be comfortable enough to react ocassionally. Surely, if you know one another, you shouldn't have to explain every last little detail? There are some things you either 'get' or you don't, and if you don't...what are you doing there in the first place?

Back to the topic in hand.

who should be the one to call? Normally it's me that tries to make things ok, but if he can't be bothered why should I? And do relationships get out of these patches or are they symptoms of bigger problems?

This is one whole vicious circle building nicely. You both sit there thinking, "damn it, why should I be the one to do all the hard work AGAIN?" and thus, more and more time passes and it gets harder to rectify the problem. Here in the real world, I'd say that yes, most relationships do go through bad patches. It doesn't automatically mean that that's the end of everything or that anyone is having an affair. There are 101 different reasons why this could be happening but the chances are that unless you develop some kind of telepathic skill, you're going to have to discuss it if you still want to be with this guy. If you've been together 2 years, then there must be something between you, right? You just have to decide if it's worth picking up the phone for...

(Hint: pride seriously gets in the way of relationships. Self-esteem is fine, pride is a no-no.)

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

bloggs

Originally posted by Confused Female
What does anyone think about bad patches in relationships?

I've been seeing someone for over two years, and I thought he was the one. We spoke/saw each other every day for two years and were making plans together. We spoke regarding marriage, children etc.

However lately we have been rowing and rowing - we have both gone through some home/work changes and so it wasn't unexpected. This has led to a series of rows over anything and everything - from how I put the milk in the fridge to why he wouldn't pay for the video on Saturday night. Two weeks ago we had a blasting row. And we haven't spoken since. Fault both sides, but who should be the one to call? Normally it's me that tries to make things ok, but if he can't be bothered why should I? And do relationships get out of these patches or are they symptoms of bigger problems?

I went tought this period with my ex-g/f, it got to the point where i couldn't take it any more so i just kicked her out. If you keep rowing all the time, there is something seriously wrong, and you either need some time apart or to knock it on the head.

GuanYin

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Tin foil lets the air in and rips to easily. If you use the average block of cheese in 2-3 days the clingfilm will have little effect.

Heathen!

2-3 days? What do you do, inhale it?

koneko

Originally posted by doozer7
An arguement about the milk is not the same as raoring hurtful things at each other. The idea that you'd get through life with someone and never get on each others nerves is ridiculous.

Yeah and the fact they didn't speak for 2 weeks? Having a little arguement about milk and then making up is one thing, but this is different.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. If you're not speaking for two weeks, then something isn't right. Either you're both unhappy, he's unhappy, he's cheating or he has something on his mind.

Everyone has little things in their relationship that you don't like. It doesn't make you stop talking for two weeks. Talk to him. Something's up.

The Sweeper

Originally posted by doozer7
Jesus Christ!!.......angry much?

An arguement about the milk is not the same as raoring hurtful things at each other. The idea that you'd get through life with someone and never get on each others nerves is ridiculous.

By the way Minesajackdaniels maybe your problems stem from the fact that your aggresive and reactionary? I don't doubt those around you have 'bad days'.

I'm sure people around me have bad days. My point is that I wont accept those bad days being taken out on me.

It's completely true that you'll get on each other's nerves if you're together a long time.

What makes a difference is whether you keep your temper, or whether you start snapping, being argumentative, perhaps undermining your partner, calling them 'stupid' or implying that they can't even do the simplest things properly... inotherwords, all of the symptoms that you really don't like them that much anymore. You might love them still, because you've been together a long time, you wouldn't want to see anything bad really happen to them, but you're not in love with them anymore.

Mutual respect is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It's linked to love, admiration, trust - all the good stuff. And if you lose it, I think it's the hardest thing in a relationship to get back.

Sarky

Talk to him. Be direct and honest, but polite and listen to what he has to say. You'll work out why this happened, and then you can find a way to deal with it.

If it's not serious, then all well and good, things can be patched up and you can get back to normal. No harm done.

If something IS going on, it'll be better to find out like that, than, say, him accidentally hitting the call button on the mobile while shagging the neighbour.

Trust me, whatever might be wrong, it'll work out better if you go talk to him.

Typedef

I thought you meant sp4 there for a second.

hipchick

In my experience a bad patch that is left always turns into an even worse one!! Either way you have to talk, two years is a long time just to stop talking over something trivial...

If you do contact him you are the better person for doing so...you need to know what the story is, so bite the bullet and simply ask where you go from here???

Its always the most insignificant thing that get on your wick if the love has gone...!

Best of luck!

nuvolari

i find those zip-lock sandwhich bags are good for cheese.

(as for actual topic, talk to him and although it hopefully won't come to it, be prepared to let go of the relationship)

ven0m

The way I see it - relationships HAVE TO have their good & bad patches - it's part of life.

People don't listen to each other & that can't be changed & I don't care WHAT relationship councillors or social psych's say - that's the way of the world.

The only time I see "Bad patches" as unhealthy is when the element of violence comes into play, because at that stage it's not just a "bad patch" - it's a behavioural problem, & not normal or healthy for ANY relationship.......

you should never use your partner as a bashing board for a bad day - by all means talk with them about it or whatever, but don't take it out on them - mind you, if my other half were to do that she'd be well put in her place & told to take it elsewhere cos she wouldn't take that kinda **** from me so why should I take it from her.....

Simple thing is - IF you're constantly rowing with someone, it's time to sit down & have a talk in a neutral environment - don't interupt each other no matter how ****ed off you get with what they say & actually LISTEN. Most arguments in relationships are down to something piddly in the first place all because in a relationship there is ALWAYS the element of "one-ups-manship" -

** class dismissed **

Nevyn

if you love someone you put up with them and the lil thing that they do that periodically drive you mad you live with it.

Once you fall out of love and or loose respect for them then listening to them breath or having them with in 1 foot of you will drive you crazy.

it could be that this has happened and so there is no tolerance for each other.

The talk with him will either go one way and you will talk stuff out and if you really need to both go talk to someone or the other way where you just cant live with each other anymore.

But you cant be expected to live in that type of an enviroment.

Gordon

Thaed, when you say "but" do you mean bust or butter? Sometimes I feel that you intentionally spell words wrong to give an air of amiguity.

/sorry I'll butt* out as I have never worked at a relationship and usually dumped or got dumped after any arguing 'hissy fits'.

Nevyn

Originally posted by Gordon
Thaed, when you say "but" do you mean bust or butter? Sometimes I feel that you intentionally spell words wrong to give an air of amiguity.

really what on earth makes you think i'd feel the need to do that ?

Originally posted by Gordon
/sorry I'll butt* out as I have never worked at a relationship and usually dumped or got dumped after any arguing 'hissy fits'.

my you must throw some Ugleee hissy fits so if you get dumped after them.

realtionships should not be work if they are there is somthing wrong.
Then you work at fixing it or moving on.

Gordon

Originally posted by Thaed

my you must throw some Ugleee hissy fits so if you get dumped after them.

Indeed, and vice versa.

Miguel_Sanchez

Enough with this relationship rubbish.

I want to hear more about the dairy produce.

The Cling-Film/Tinfoil Debate - will it ever be settled?

TinCool

Originally posted by sykeirl
You should never wrap cheese in cling film.

Cling film reacts with cheese and turns the flavour slightly.

For best results use tin foil.

Why not get the cheese that comes in the resealable packets. That way you dont have to use cling film or tin foil.

Barry Aldwell

I find that cling film always leaves an unsavoury taste on food, even if it is only on for a few minutes.

DriftingRain

I say buy the resealable pack with cheese and leave it that way!
As for the other chicka....
I think theres something eating him like all the others sayy. Hope you talk it out and everythings great!