Merits/demerits for men (old classic)

TheWolf

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing
with women.
Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it
works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the Woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she
expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed .............................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-2

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2



You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5

in the rain...................................................+8

But return with beer..........................................-1

And no panty liners...........................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5

You pummel it with a six iron.................................+10

It's her cat..................................................-40



AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party........................ 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
school Drinking Buddy........................................-2

Named Tiffany................................................-5

Tiffany is a dancer..........................................-10

With breast implants.........................................-20



HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday...................................+1

You buy a card and flowers..................................+2

You take her out to dinner..................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........+10

Okay, it is a sports bar....................................-10

And it's all-you-can-eat night..............................-20

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colours of your favourite team...............-30



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal....................................... 0

The pal is happily married..........................+1

The pal is single...................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).........-30



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie...................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes.........................+5

You take her to a movie you hate..........................+8

You take her to a movie you like..........................-5

It's called Death Cop III.................................-10

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................-20

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-30



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly............................-5

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise 2 get rid of it.+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............-100



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding......................-10

You reply, "Where?".............................-35

You reply, "No, I think it's your rear end".....-100



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression....................+1

You listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.........+50

You have fallen asleep...........................................-200




IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......

You talk.........................................-100

You don't talk...................................-100

You spend time with her..........................-100

You don't spend time with her....................-100

You are seen enjoying yourself...................-100

Havelock

lol

Posting that........-1,000
and exculsion from the games, you forgot that men aren't allowed know the rules. Tut-tut, now we'll all have to be brain washed.

Pugsley

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly............................-5

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise 2 get rid of it.+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............-100

I dont think you'd lose 100 points for the last one, prolly end up losing a limb or two, if its that time of the month, make that all 4 limbs and your head, and be buried in the backyard in a bin liner.

Capt'n Midnight

It's called Death Cop III.................................-10  
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................-20 
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-30 

]

Number6

Originally posted by Havelock
Tut-tut, now we'll all have to be brain washed.

I'll get the amnesia ray aka the revolver

Vader

The female always makes the rules.


The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.


No male can possibly know all the rules.


If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.


The female is never wrong.


If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.


If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.


The female can change her mind at any given point in time for any reason.


The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.


The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.


The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.


The female must not, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.


Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm.


If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void