Worst fantasy ever published?

Bosco

I would like to nominate J.V Jones' cunningly titled 'Book of Words' trilogy as the worst thing ever published under the banner of fantasy. Central characters include such gems as a runaway baker's boy/budding sorceror who can rise from the dead, a dangerous but faultlessly honorable knight who's plagued by his past, and the beautiful daughter of a powerful lord who's fleeing an arranged marriage to a murderous lunatic (who is of course the only heir to the throne).

Mix in some uninteresting baddies and two amiable but impossibly predictable castle guards named Bodger and Grift and you get the most formulaic pile of crap I've ever read (and I've read ALL the Famous Five books ).

I made plot twist predictions halfway through book1 and was annoyed in the extreme when my predictions turned out to be 100% accurate 2000 or so pages later.

Do not buy these books unless you intend giving them as gifts to your enemies.

TheSonOfBattles

I vaguely remember reading those books years and years ago, and thinking they were okay, can barerly remember them to be honest. I was like twelve at the time.

But the worst fantasy i've ever read personally has to be the thomas convenant books. I forced my way through them at about 14 or so, and i've got to say, i've never been so bored in all my life by a book. I don't think the main character raping someone shortly into the first book helped either to be honest.

Sarky

Pfft. These people posess fantastic writing skill compared to the unnamed author of The Eye of Argon. So bad, it was never published. Such a rubbish author, he thought it was actually good. So utterly cringeworthy, you'll love it. It's meant to be serious, but it's really just too bad for that!

Many thanks to Naar from www.sine.ie/boards for uncovering this shabby piece of tosh. I couldn't stop laughing for weeks.:)

skittishkitten

Definitely has to be Maureen Birnbaum , Barbarian Swordsperson by George Alec Effinger .........

Scantily clad female swordsperson capable of world and time travel ......and LIKE SOOOOOO Totally Cooooooolllllll :rolleyes:

Manach

The Gor Series by John Norman - truely appalling.

Raz

I read the first of the Shanara series (the elfstones of Shanara?) and it was just so dull and boring and "oh look our hero has become entangled in an impossible situation and ... wait.... he's managed to escape absolutely unharmed!"

But even worse than that was a trilogy of books that I can't recall the names of. I think one was called the diamond throne and the was a saphire rose or ruby rose or something like that. They followed the exploits of our intrepid hero ... "Sparhawk" (That just rolls off the tounge!) I can't remember the other characters but there was the inevitable street urchin who becomes a close companion (I think at least) and

some strange kid who's really a godess or something and who becomes his child at the end or something

Spoiler there just in case somebody accidently started reading the damnable books.
My only regrets about reading them is being able to remember so much about them!!

ixoy

Originally posted by Raz
But even worse than that was a trilogy of books that I can't recall the names of. I think one was called the diamond throne and the was a saphire rose or ruby rose or something like that. They followed the exploits of our intrepid hero ... "Sparhawk" (That just rolls off the tounge!)

Ahhh David Eddings is who you mean The characters are from the Elenium trilogy I think. I also agree with your assesment - the characters were awful. Even worse was that they were way too similiar to the characters he thought up for his Belgariad and Mallorean series. I've always had a soft spot for David Eddings - and by soft, I mean it's because I beat his name into a bloody pulp...

The Shannara books are formulaic... but only because they reinvented the formula. Apparently Brooks kick-started the whole modern fantasy series off in '77 by appearing in the Best-sellets list. So if he's too formulaic, it's only because he invented the formula.

I actually enjoyed J.V. Jone's books. The characters may have seem cutout in terms of role, but she's an excellent writer and gave them life. Also her books are very well researched - The Barbed Coil in particular. Her current series is a lot darker, and colder. I'd recommend it although Robin Hobb has the edge in the femlae-writers-who-write-characters-well categorey.

As for worst fantasy ever published... there was a chap called Oliver Stone. Some ****e about vampires. It was so mind-numblingly awful I threw the book at the wall after fifty pages. The only reason it got anywhere was 'coz his mate - David Gemell - also held a gun to his publisher's heads... Really dreadful crap. Also on the "How the f**k are they doing so well" scale is Terry Goodkind. Jesus, "A Stone of Tears" was bloody rubbish. Very much plodding from Scene A to Scene B. Trying to shock by having sado-masochistic, "adult" elements instead of telling an interesting story with interesting characters......

avatar

The worst ever? um.... it has to be the second Ealdwood book by C.J. Cherryh. What makes it even WORSE is the first Ealdwood book rocks.

Capt'n Midnight

"The Gor Series by John Norman - truely appalling."

Yeah - about the only use anyone could make of it would be as a script for a porn flick..

David Eddings - plot by numbers - you don't feel for any of the characters - don't know which book I read, but it was enough.

For all the SiFi fans - how about the lensmen series by E Doc Smith ?

Terminator

Originally posted by Bosco
I would like to nominate J.V Jones' cunningly titled 'Book of Words' trilogy as the worst thing ever published under the banner of fantasy. Central characters include such gems as a runaway baker's boy/budding sorceror who can rise from the dead, a dangerous but faultlessly honorable knight who's plagued by his past, and the beautiful daughter of a powerful lord who's fleeing an arranged marriage to a murderous lunatic (who is of course the only heir to the throne).

Mix in some uninteresting baddies and two amiable but impossibly predictable castle guards named Bodger and Grift and you get the most formulaic pile of crap I've ever read (and I've read ALL the Famous Five books ).

I made plot twist predictions halfway through book1 and was annoyed in the extreme when my predictions turned out to be 100% accurate 2000 or so pages later.

Do not buy these books unless you intend giving them as gifts to your enemies.

I saw the title of this thread and I immediately thought of Bakers Boy. Utter rubbish.

TheSonOfBattles

I have to re-reply here cause I just thought of something I have to say.

Tolkien's Lord of the Ring's has to be brought to justice. I'm not saying it's the worst fantasy etc. ever. I'm just saying it doesn't deserve the title of best it's somehow managed to garner itself.

It's not that great at all in fact. As I mentioned elsewhere, I haven't been able to force myself to read it or any of the other books in the series in years.

I feel this is primarily because I always start with the Ring's books themselves, since it's the only one I own from when I read it years ago. And I can never push myself past Tom Bombadil. And all the songs, and everyother piece of god damned rubbish he put in it.

I know he wrote it for his kid an all, but I just can't read that stuff. I just have to put down the book and walk away around about that time.

I reckon Ring's is more like a starter pack. Everyone starts out reading it, and remember's it fondly for that reason, same with me and David Edding's.

Now, i'm going away and preparing myself for the stoning I reckon i'm going to receive for posting this.

Just wonder does anyone else feel the same, or am I all alone on this one?

avatar

Just do what I do. Don't read the songs. oh yeah, I almost forgot... *starts throwing big, pointy stones*

TheSonOfBattles

AAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The pain, mommy make it stop." etc, etc, etc. I'd skip the songs, and everything else I don't like, but then the first book would only be about 50 pages long, and i'd have missed half the story. Maybe someday i'll be able to force my way through. Never know.

ixoy

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
I have to re-reply here cause I just thought of something I have to say.

Tolkien's Lord of the Ring's has to be brought to justice. I'm not saying it's the worst fantasy etc. ever. I'm just saying it doesn't deserve the title of best it's somehow managed to garner itself.

Just wonder does anyone else feel the same, or am I all alone on this one?

I agree! It gets there because it's the most-read fantasy book so the majority of people have nothing to compare it against in the genre. Secondly, it's extremely detailed with a lot of work gone into creating background, histories, languages, races, etc. Such level of detail has probably not been repeated and people like such a world. Thirdly, it's the first really of the modernesque fantasy...

Having said all that, it's not all that ibrilliant to read. The style can be stilted, the descriptive paragraphs long-winded, and the songs just sheer irritating. Die Tom die. I've enjoyed reading other fantasy series a lot more (see the Best Fantasy Book series thread) and got much more involved with their characters than I ever did with Frodo and co....

TheSonOfBattles

Oh, thank god, i'm not alone. It's true after all, there is intelligent life out there.
You just need a rather large flashlight, and a bag of insults to find it. Who knew!

Clintons Cat

Ah yes the eye of aragorn has to be the holy grail of bad fantasy literature.

Bad Sci Fi...Try the Perry Rhoden series pre internet fan fiction at its very worst theres over 200 of these titles mostly written by German enthusiasts.

Bad Fantasy... Brak the Barbarian.

Bad Horror...Guy N Smith,here are a few of his efforts i kid you not
Zombies,vampires,giant crabs,locusts,jelly fish,rabid dogs,rabid people,piranah fish,possesed cats

Plasticman

No way, Orson Scott Card's Maker books are incredibly boring. He has the pioneer American style of writing going, which makes me want to gouge out my eyes because I can never stop reading a book I've started. NEVER TOUCH THOSE BOOKS!!!

moridin

The Scavenger Trilogy, by K. J. Parker.

Read the first one in the series (Shadow) and it was the most torturous thing I've ever read fantasy wise... (Actually that's a lie, but I'll get back to that in a sec)... Main character's lost his memory, doesn't know what the hell is going on. It's interesting for a while cos he's pretty lethal, but then it gets so convoluted with stuff that the whole thing just crashes and you dunno what the hell to think.

I've been resisting buying the followups to it because I thought the first was so bad.

The other ones I hate are by Stephen Lawhead. Man, he's probably the worst author I've ever had the misfortune to read. Thank god it was a library book.

ixoy

Originally posted by moridin
The other ones I hate are by Stephen Lawhead. Man, he's probably the worst author I've ever had the misfortune to read. Thank god it was a library book.

Which one did you read? My flat-mate read some of the Celtic stuff, seemed to enjoy it. He doesn't read much fantasy though.
I read some book of his with "Dream" in the title. What pi$$ed me off was he practically bludgeoned me to death with his God-is-good-love-Jesus message, apparently a curse he plagues upon all his works. It wasn't much of a suprise to find out he's a strong Christian.....And based on the one book I read of his, and you also slamming it, it's safe to say I'll never go near him again....

moridin

Jeez I'm not sure... it was something about a smith I think? Perhaps the guy had a silver hand? He had some kinda order magic or something, whatever it was the book really really stank.

Not surprised to hear he's a big church head, there was a lot of filthy piousness in the book iirc.

Shinji

Dunno about worst fantasy stuff (the vast majority of it is disgustingly cliched and dull - I've practically given up on the genre as a whole, with a few very rare exceptions), but the worst Sci-Fi I've ever read is Stephen Baxter. The man can't write characters to save his life - his science is very interesting, but his prose is incredibly dull, his characters are cardboard cut-outs and his dialogue is like something a ten year old would write in a school essay. Avoid.

Stark

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
I have to re-reply here cause I just thought of something I have to say.

Tolkien's Lord of the Ring's has to be brought to justice. I'm not saying it's the worst fantasy etc. ever. I'm just saying it doesn't deserve the title of best it's somehow managed to garner itself.

It's not that great at all in fact. As I mentioned elsewhere, I haven't been able to force myself to read it or any of the other books in the series in years.

I feel this is primarily because I always start with the Ring's books themselves, since it's the only one I own from when I read it years ago. And I can never push myself past Tom Bombadil. And all the songs, and everyother piece of god damned rubbish he put in it.

I know he wrote it for his kid an all, but I just can't read that stuff. I just have to put down the book and walk away around about that time.

I reckon Ring's is more like a starter pack. Everyone starts out reading it, and remember's it fondly for that reason, same with me and David Edding's.

Now, i'm going away and preparing myself for the stoning I reckon i'm going to receive for posting this.

Just wonder does anyone else feel the same, or am I all alone on this one?

Yay!! I hated the lord of the rings books. so boring with endless pointless sequences describing battles. I thought the films were a visual feast but not much more. I enjoyed them first time round but wouldn't watch them again.

The first one was interesting half way through (crap cut out from the books etc.) but during the second half it was a case of it's quiet, wait for more orcs, fight the orcs, hack hack hack. Oh look lovely landscape. Let's move onto another lovely landscape. Oh look it's quiet, oh wait here come orcs, hack hack hack and that was it for the second half repeated ad infinitum.

Same thing with the start of the second film/second book. The only thing that had going for it was the ents.

dudara

Has anyone read Eric Van Lustbader's Pearl Saga. I'm reading the first one right now "The Ring of Five Dragons" and while Ithink it's good in places, it's also fairly cardboard too. Any comments?

ixoy

Originally posted by Shinji
Dunno about worst fantasy stuff (the vast majority of it is disgustingly cliched and dull - I've practically given up on the genre as a whole, with a few very rare exceptions), but the worst Sci-Fi I've ever read is Stephen Baxter. The man can't write characters to save his life - his science is very interesting, but his prose is incredibly dull, his characters are cardboard cut-outs and his dialogue is like something a ten year old would write in a school essay. Avoid.

Oh I kinda enjoyed "Time" although, as you point out, the characterisation is very weak. The speculative science though was interesting, even if I wanted to strangle that stupid squid.
As to good dialogue...that's quite rare in sci-fi. Iain M. Banks manages smart dialogue say, but not necessarily good dialogue.

You say there are a few exceptions to the clichéd fantasy novel... what would you say they were? I agree a lot is drivel but certain ones which are set in the archetypical world (i.e. Robin Hobb) can be very well written (i.e. Robin Hobb) with some great characters (i.e. Robin Hobb). I assume you'll include George R.R. Martin, but is there anyone else?

Im not saying its the worst ever but the Harry Potter books have to be the most over rated books ever. Rowling rips off every fantasy book ever wrote. Its below average rubbish. I could go on rubbishing Harry Potter all night but I've got better things to do.

moridin

I'd disagree actually... the storyline is strangely compelling

Aside from the fact that yes Rowling does borrow heavily from other influences I thin the Potter books are great... it was DragonLance books that started me reading Fantasy, and I'd like to think that the Harry Potter stuff might have a similar effect on some of the youngsters today

Eeek I sound so old.

Stark

Yeah say what you want, they did re-introduce a whole generation of kids to reading. All that remains is to move them onto higher things now (here you go, here's a copy of his dark materials trilogy, don't tell mam I gave them to you).

dudara

The Dark Materials Trilogy is excellent, it would definitely start a teenager into reading more adult material.

Lately I've read a lot of my teenage sisters books (Philip Pullman, JK Rowlings and Eoin Colfer), and some of them are quite good and very imaginative.

ixoy

But will it get kids into fantasy? I remember reading that other non-Rowling books sales have not risen one bit. Some have even dropped. Kids love to read Rowling but it hasn't seemed to gettings kids to love to read....
Still if it has the DragonLance effect on fantasy it can't be too bad. Next up give them something light like George R.R. Martin or Steven Erikson

moridin

mebbie some Eddings would be better to start on... get the crap outta the way early

The Dark Materials books are excellant as are the Artimas Fowl novels. I remember a Neil Gaimen graphic novel from about ten years ago that was all most identical to the Harry Potter books. Anyone know what it was?