Fallin for a younger person - Update

hurleymike54

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=104162


thanks everyone for their contibutions on the above thread,

things are going great at the moment, i've decided not not tell her how I feel......not coz i dont wont to, but i know it's way too soon to land anything like that on her.......there is definitely a mutual attraction between us......

apart from wanting to thank you for all the sound advice, there is something at the moment she said to me thats weighing heavily on my mind......

i've had to bail her out of a debt rising from buying hash,
i knew she smoked, but it wasnt until recently she told me how much smokes........i'll be honest, never really did the whole hash thing, wish i tried it out, so I could be more help to her....

the thing is.........i think shes trapped, everyone she knows, her mates etc, are all in debt coz of drugs.........met one of her "mates" last nite, and it only made me more worried...........he was a scumbag, she knew i wasnt impressed, wasnt supposed to meet him, just bumped into yer man by accident....

she told me in passin that to stop smoking would mean she'd need to find new friends, i know she was only buzzin, but i can see how hard it would be for her to suddenly stop like that.....i've explained that I'm going nowhere, and will be there to help her in anyway, but i've made it clear I want her to kick the habit......
and I dont mean just cuttin back, i want her to kick it altogether....

i know most of the planet have smoked at one time or another, but i'm lookin at her position, and i cant stop thinking that down the road, shes gonna get caught in a far worse position......

if its a case of doing something new with her everyday, just to open her mind to whats out there, apart from the **** surrounding her on her street, i'll do it, but i need some advice......

as i said, i've known her a year now, and i know she didnt smoke when I met her, whats wreckin my head is that the next few years tend to shape you into the kinda person your gonna be,

life is about decisions and you all know yourselves, a decision you make can bring around big changes in your life....(for the good or bad). whats wreckin my head is that now for her she had two choices, one easier for her than the other, but I WANT her to be strong enough to make the break, i know in there somewhere, there is a person strong enough to move on, but i feel that she needs my help.....


any advice, i'd greatly appreciate it,
Rgds
hurleymike

Typedef

Stay away from durggies who have "friends", where the only real connection is the fact they all take drugs together.

Unless of course you subscribe to all the bull that druggies... "really do" enjoy being slaves to substance abuse... and you want to be just like them.

You never know... wasting away years on the other end of a bong, wrap or syringe could be a good "life choice" for you.

Maybe you should ask this girl out, to a club... she could probably score you some yokes too and if the coke and e doesn't make you impotent and crazy... you might even get to sleep with her, after the all night rave to 6 am is finished.

*1984 : Yeah right... that's a typo man.... Orwell is here... he's living large*

jammy_dodger

What makes you think that she'd be happier off with you, than she would be with drugs. I know shes hangin about with, not the most pleasant of folk. But is it really your place, to dictate what friends she has, or what drugs she takes.

To quote you :' the next few years tend to shape you into the kinda person your gonna be,'

Maybe this drugs phase of hers is gonna shape what kinda person she becomes, Could be for better or worse.

Either way, this aint your problem(your not even seeing her yet) Id say let her run her course, and don't go bailing her out if she gets into sh1t. She has to learn she can't just depend on you to bail her out.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by jammy_dodger
don't go bailing her out if she gets into sh1t. She has to learn she can't just depend on you to bail her out.

I couldn't agree more with that!
by giving her money to help her out, you are in fact assisting her habit as you call it.
You cannot tell her what to do on this matter, you can voice your disapproval, tell her you want nothing to do with it, but you have no right telling her how to behave.
Frankly, I have no clue how much hash you would need to smoke to get yourself in debt. I enjoy the odd smoke myself, nobody will tell me what I can or cannot do on this matter, or any other - however your mortgage, bills and family affairs come before any recreational enjoyments, if you can’t get your head around that then you have a problem - leave her to it, if she’s smart, eventually this realization will come to her

-ADREN-

Ok so youve know her for a year now.. The question is do you really want to get into all this.. 1st off there is the age cap.. not saying anything there.. then there is this issue. I know it may break your heart for a few days.. maybe weeks/months after, but would it be possible to forget about her? Move on..

I mean if the only link with her is *you and her*, then there wont be much to move away from. You could also be doing your self a favour. Getting away from two awkward spots at one time. I know it might kill at first, but it does seem a wide option atm.

If that truely isnt an option, the only other thing I can say is talk to her, ask her can she stop, and ask her does she want to stop, and that you would help her. etc etc..


Anyways.. Gluck m8, youve got all of mine on your side.

Wish you the best,
-Coz.

aaasecurity

is it fags or hash that this girl smokes which worries you?

Havelock

I wouldn't have given her the cash. I on occassion smoke a little bit of hash, my g/f on the other hand smokes more than I think is healthy, but its her life and it doesn't impeed us in our life yet, so I'm not going to ask her to make a choice. But there is nothing wrong with it in moderation, from what you said I take she is beyond moderation at this point. Would you consider just talking (not lecturing or giving out) about why she smokes it etc? Anyway nice to get an up date from you.

MojoMaker

99.99% sure this girl is a scumbag. Of course scumbags never recognise that their own peers/friends are scumbags so this may come as a big surprise. In debt because of hash smoking? Do you know how much you'd have to smoke to get in debt over hash? Get the fcuk away from this bird before she does serious damage to you either herself or via her scumbag "friends". Move out of west Dublin, leave the employ of the the UGC cinema get a professional qualification, start taking life seriously and lose those under priviliged acquaintances.

A pretty face she may be (aren't they all), but the world is full of pretty faces. Get some self esteem going and start bringing some good, honest, caring, mature people into your life for a change.

Hard I know, but better you hear this now that in 10 years.

patch

Originally posted by MojoMaker
99.99% sure this girl is a scumbag. Of course scumbags never recognise that their own peers/friends are scumbags so this may come as a big surprise. In debt because of hash smoking? Do you know how much you'd have to smoke to get in debt over hash? Get the fcuk away from this bird before she does serious damage to you either herself or via her scumbag "friends". Move out of west Dublin, leave the employ of the the UGC cinema get a professional qualification, start taking life seriously and lose those under priviliged acquaintances.

A pretty face she may be (aren't they all), but the world is full of pretty faces. Get some self esteem going and start bringing some good, honest, caring, mature people into your life for a change.

Hard I know, but better you hear this now that in 10 years.

Nail.Hammer.Head.

Your getting yourself into trouble. I get the impression most of this chicks good points are seen only by you, waiting to flower, so to speak. See whats there, not what you're hoping for.
People don't change, the basics are always there.

Here's a good question for ya. -How much money did ya give her?

MrNuked

Do you want to be her bf or her dad? (This is rhetorical I know you want to be her bf). Some girls around that age in particular are looking for father figures to some extent or other, so don't become one to her. It does seem that possibly she's becoming someone different to the girl you liked originally. Using drugs to that sort of extent would have altered her personality, and if she's hanging around with scumbags she'll eventually become one if she isn't one already. Don't try to rescue her or be a knight in shining armour because she'll almost certainly take advantage of you and you'll get your feelings hurt. Better off ot of it I reckon.

HJ Simpson

O.K. she owes someone money you give her money. If she still smokes she is going to owe him/her money in the future are you prepared to keep bailing her out. I guess not!!

Run away from this girl as quick as possible explain to her you want nothing to do with her drug habbit. If she wants to stay friends tell her she needs to quit the drugs. Find out how much she owes dont pay it for her.

If you nail her and she still does drugs the people she owes money to may get heavy with her/you.

Your choice!!

jesus_thats_gre

I think you are being a bit hard on the girl. She is not exactly in over her head at the moment.

MojoMaker

the thing is.........i think shes trapped, everyone she knows, her mates etc, are all in debt coz of drugs.........met one of her "mates" last nite, and it only made me more worried...........he was a scumbag, she knew i wasnt impressed, wasnt supposed to meet him, just bumped into yer man by accident....

Did you read the opening post? Everyone might know someone who is a scumbag but the only people that have scumbag friends are scumbags themselves. The original poster is blind because he fancies the a*se off this bird. Fact is, from the information supplied in this thread and the one from which it was drawn, this girl is what we might term a skanger. Our advice to the original poster is to walk away and concentrate on filling his life with honest, respectable people and learn to see the forest instead of simply the trees.

It's a tough one, particularly if you have trouble pulling the birds like the original poster does (even if he didn't mean to let us know that it becomes clear from his first post). Hard to turn down a pretty face if you haven't been getting action for a while but in this instance I think the lad can do better and would be far better off putting some distance between himself and the type of people this girl & her "friends" represent. I'm sure she's lovely, but she's probably too far into her chosen way of life at this point to ever change.

ringzer

I'd say dump her as fast as you possibly can. There are so many more fine women out there. Then again, you've been dilly dallying over this for ages. Chances are if you ask her out, she'll say she doesnt like you that way. And you've wasted a year of your life posting messages here thinking about it. As you like her so much, in spite of her being a scumbag, you're probably suited to her, so just go for it. If you still like a girl if she's a druggie, then go for it. I know I wouldnt touch that girl with a 10 foot barge pole, not only for being a druggie, but also being 17.

Ciaran

RasTa

How much was her hash debt ? it cant be more than 50 quid ? if so shes taking u for a ride