a right pair of beauties.. :D

ToxicPaddy · 16-09-2003 12:09pm #1

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He
asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth
has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will
move".

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?

That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his
entire life."

"Where's Liam Lawlors clock?" asked the man.

"Lawlor's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a fan."

****************************************************

A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and
mother-in-law. Then the mother-in-law unexpectedly dies.

They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the
body home but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury
her in the Holy Land for only $150.

The guy says, "We'll ship her home."

The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big
expense and we can do a very nice burial here."

The guy shakes his head slowly and says, "Look, 2000 years ago
they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the
dead. I just can't take that chance."