CTYI, friendships and the longevity thereof.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

I haven't talked to some of you in quite some time... and others I have never talked to before -- although these details are both irrelevant and majorly relevant. Basically, I want to start a semi-feckin'-decent discussion on how friendships (not intimate relationships) operate within CTYI as a 3/6 week period and also within CTYI as a lifetime "club". Why do I care?

I care because some of the best friends, and indeed people, I have ever known I met in CTYI. Some I disliked at first, others I loved instantly. I dislike some now, I love others I originally disliked. When discussing and reflecting upon this subject it is important to remember that ages 12 -> 14 and especially 15 -> 18 are some of the most turbulent years in our life that can completely transform an individual. We are going to try and leave aside hormones, peer pressure and such and take things at face value. Agreed?

Now, my first session at "real" CTYI was S1;2001 and those three weeks were some of the greatest of my life. I met the coolest guy on earth there and for a year and a half of my life he was my best, and at times, only, friend. My situation changed and he is no longer that primary confidant but that is normal and is to be expected and accepted.

However, Dermo is still one of the greatest people ever and I would not like to live without him. I also met Teapot and Happy who I had very little interaction with outside of annoying each other constantly... and their position has stayed the same over the last 2.5 years because of the fact they are not heavily involved in my life.

What intrigues me most about that session was the fact that the Ecommerce class / RA group were one of the most tightly bonded of all the groups however almost instantaenously after CTYI ended the group disbanded. It was almost as if we all gelled for our own survival. Obviously, Neil, Mark, Hugh and Ronan stayed together because they knew each other either personally or by association before the session started (as far as I know).

Rob, Dermo and I, Cat and others all just went back to their own lives and as far as I know not many of the fellas kept in contact with each other (except: Neil, Mark etc. and Dermo and I).° Now, the part where you reply.

Basically, my theory is that to an extent, friendships are formed within CTYI as a sort of survival technique. I am not insinuating this technique is employed because CTYI'ers are social retards or they are all two faced... it is merely basic human instinct (in my opinion). In essence, I want you to give me your opinion on CTYI friendships... lifelong bonds or a convenient temporary coming together or a group of people. This is not for a project, or an essay, or anything like that... it's merely me throwing something out there to be discussed and debated.

°Something to keep in mind is that I do not mean they all rejected each other, they merely no longer made an effort to contact anyone (outside of their "group", if they were part of one). They did not all tell each other to feck off but merely made no more effort. On a couple of chance meetings I had with people (specifically, Rob) he was friendly, like always, we swapped numbers again but almost as if it was a formality... I doubt either of us really intended to keep in conact.

Barry Aldwell

I found that in my first 2 (ie commuting) years I hardly kept in touch with anyone. I might have talked to them on MSN once or twice, or met at a reunion, but nothing more. This year, however, I found that I have kept in touch with almost everyone that I got along with (only two people in my class, but that's another issue) This might be something to do with the fact that I either knew a lot of those people from this little spamhole of ones and zeroes, or they joined boards after CTYI. Which means that I keep in touch with them on the internet, through here.



Social life? Where may I download one of those?


BTW Bob, nice job getting kicked outta Irish yesterday

smiles

A girl who was in my class in 2000 who I never talked to is now one of my best friends in the world, we live togethera t college and are in the same course (happy conincide of last year when I moved into my house and she looked vaguely familiar).

One of my best friends from 2001 (SOL) is still one of my best friends, whenever we can we meet up and enbd up having a laugh, I went to his pre-debs and he's fantastic.

Someone I met at CTYI and then went out with, well it lasted for almost a year and a half and to be honest it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, we talk periodically and we're friends.

People I've met at CTYI over the years, we call each other, chat, have a laugh and remember good times and enjoy time together.

I meet people from CTYI other than that and we chat and say hello and maybe we're not the best of friends, but I don't think that that is the point, maybe it's just survivial, but I do know that I made some of the best friend's I have every made there and that I got to know people who brought me out of myself and me a happier and a better person, if it's survival technique then fair play, I'm delighted that it is.

<< Fio >>

article6

Bah, humbug. I went to CTYI for three things:
1 Dissing Southsiders
2 Filling in the little blue books with signatures
3 Four-way Magic: The Gathering battles

I suppose they're not all anti-social. Heck, the Magic was nearly friendly. (Until I won.) However, after the fact, I haven't kept in as good contact as I'd have liked with all of you, despite the fact that I have nothing else to do with my time now. Write!

Incidentally, if there's anyone I don't talk to on MSN Messenger, it's not cold shoulder. I just don't want to freak out any parents. It happened to me before, I should know

Fio, who did you meet at college? I probably won't remember her, but regardless...

To sum up? For me, CTYI friendships have always been convenient and temporary; but that's because I live in a bog.

Awaywthdfaeries

After my first year i kept in contact with no 1 afterwards i didnt even no that there were such things as reunions (i was naive and had no net) but in my second year last year i met so of the best people ive ever known, i was able to tell people for the first time what my life was like behind the safe 'south-sider' blackrock exterior.Though we wernt as close this year the friendship still remains and ive met more people determined to drag me futher otta my shell r in a few cases vice-versa.Ctyi friendships are the best in the world (no scoffing plz) you make them when people r being themselves and there for they last (r when they have somewerid obsession)

s0l

(Dammit, I had a big reply typed out but then it buggered up so now i have to type it again but I'm lazy so this one will be shorter)

In 2001 I only had two or 3 people in my circle of friends, I kept in touch with none of them and one of them was at the same session as me this year and I hardly said 3 words to him =/

2002 was a major turning point in my life, it brought me out of a shell, it's my first really good memory and the cause of all other really good memories since then. I met the best people I know and I have remained close to them ever since, refusing to let 100 miles seperation get in the way too much.

2003 I made more friends but none of the same caliber because the situation was differant.

So now I have a pretty decent catalog of people I'd call great friends, good friends and friends. I can see myself slipping away from some of them but I also see myself getting closer to others as well, I don't know which is which yet and there's only one way to find out and that's to see how things go.

But in my opinion there are two types of friends you make in CTYI, they all mean something to you, but some you just let slip away because what they meant to you wasnt really that kind of long lasting stuff, and those that mean so much to you that you'll never let them go.

But then, that's me, what it is for you is most likely very different and please share

Shoeless Ailbhe

well i think initially, with me, the friendships i made were merely for survival, but i get to like people quite easily and ended up staying in touch with a lot of people I met at CTYI. One of what I would regard my best friends I met in 2001, and in 2002 I met lots of people I talk to very regularly ( 2 in particular), and then there's the ones I contact when in Dublin and goin to reunions to meet up and have a laugh, but what I think is great about these friendships is that they aren't high maintenance, like my friends are here. I mean, I could not talk to my closest and not so close CTYI friends for weeks and weeks, and then when I finally do, its like nothing has changed, and there's no awkwardness. The thing is living in Galway isn't the greatest as I can't make it up that often and get to know a lot of people I think could become great friends better. I've a terrible habit of only realy getting to know people in the last week! Then there's others that out of convenience I ended up hanging around with in 2001 especially, who now I don't talk to at all. The idea just isn't appealing! But in fact, I think at home the friendships are more for survival than at CTYI, cos there isn't as much choice! Ya kind of have to make do with whats here.

Nyopallo

It's a bit harder for me to keep any sort of relationship with people from CTYI. The whole distance thing is prohibitive to in-the-flesh meetings, and due to timezones the only time I can talk to people online is either when I get home from school and it's midnight over there, or when I'm up 'till midnight and it's 8 in the morning over there.

There is one person who I talk to a lot, but I met him in a CTY program in the 'States, so he's kinda not counting in this.

Then again, my bad habit of not seeing things through does this. I've got my book full of e-mails, yet I've not sent one to anyone who hasn't sent one to me, excepting Seamus, but I owed him money, so that's kinda different.

The distance and timezone thing may change if I do, in fact, come to good ol' Eire to study, but if not, snail mail and e-mail will have to do. It's hard only being able to see text from someone when you wish to see them and hear them, sometimes it's easier to just forget about them.

ll=llannah

It's hard only being able to see text from someone when you wish to see them and hear them

a-men my friend.

sometimes it's easier to just forget about them.

easier, yes. but in several cases i've just simply refused to let that happen. (...now all i need to do is shift the space-time continuum.....)

But, in a really strange way, the distance has actually helped me keep in touch with people (especially from my first year) who I normally wouldn't have. One person I didn't get to know until the last couple of days and I've talked to him ever since pretty much weekly for the past year- and I don't think I'd have ended up keeping in touch as much as I do now were it not for the distance, which is a strange thought... And then there's someone who I rarely get a chance to talk to, but somehow we manage to stay incredibly close considering she only comes over here once, and I only go over there once a year (if I'm lucky.) and I also ended up talking to other people who I thought I probably wouldn't ever see again. So, in a really backwards way, the space helped in certain ways, and is majorly annoying in others.
But in terms of post-ctyi, it almost seems easier in a way to go home and not have to deal with the awkward exchanging of phone numbers with people you know you'll never call and the like. But then again, there are people I DO want to see I can't, so its a toss-up.

and as to the whole friendships for survival thing, I really don't understand that. I could have easily gone off by myself and been completely antisocial- but what's the fun in that? i mean, i didn't have to make friends with people I detested in order to have friends. I made friends with who I did because I enjoyed their company, not because I was afraid of being alone.

nosmo

I MISS MY BOB

Barry Aldwell

Originally posted by Nyopallo
It's hard only being able to see text from someone when you wish to see them and hear them, sometimes it's easier to just forget about them.

I DO have a webcam, y'know. And if you're going to be in Ireland, loike ever, tell meh or Hugh or y'know, one of us. For teh meetingage. Or something.

Originally posted by nosmo
I MISS MY BOB

Are you talking about Bob Burke? if so, I see him every day. And he owes me €2. I must start collecting my debts.

Miss-Misery

I think it really depends on the person whether or not they are a survival technique friend or a permanent one. Some of my best friends are people o met in CTYI. When my parents organised a surprise 18th for me, at least half the people there were from CTYI. Even last night i was out with two friends i met there, one in my first session, a good 4 years ago now, and one in my last session. That said, i haven't seen or spoken to any of my roomates, all of whom i was friends with, in a year or so, and most of my friends from the first year i barely even speak to. I don't think its any differant from any other friendships you make in school, at work, with random people you meet on the street or at a party or under the sea or whatever. Some friendships last, some don't. Fairly basic fact of human existence

Spenguin

Originally posted by article6

1 Dissing Southsiders

I have decided about three months ago that I'm from the west side. No one else is though. This way no one judges me. HOORAY!

Barry Aldwell

Originally posted by Spenguin
I have decided about three months ago that I'm from the west side.

Dave Brennan (singer in the About A Girl group at the "variety show" in S1, originator of the "DUBES!" shouts, brother of Ronan Brennan the RA, guy I sit beside in maths) maintains that he doesn't live on the Northside, he lives on the seaside. He lives in Clontarf, for the record.

Spenguin

Originally posted by Barry Aldwell
Dave Brennan (singer in the About A Girl group at the "variety show" in S1, originator of the "DUBES!" shouts, brother of Ronan Brennan the RA, guy I sit beside in maths) maintains that he doesn't live on the Northside, he lives on the seaside. He lives in Clontarf, for the record.

I like what I said better. you and your invisible friend butchered it.

Aliminator

what is your obsessions with ur hoodside? D4 obviously is the best.
(saw hilarious ad today. north cider or south cider?)

Plasticman

To get back on topic, when i look back on my time in '01, I realise that i knew almost no-one, didn't make many friends, and kept less. Probably cos I was an asshole.

But in '02 that all changed. I met loads of new people, strengthened ties with old friends/acquaintences, and for the most part these friendships are still going strong, and getting stronger as time goes on.

And since I left, I've ended up having more friends who I first met in CTYI, and never really knew them then, others who were in different sessions, and all their friends to boot (I just wanted to use that term).

So overall, I think that in my case, the majority of the relationships i had with CTYIers are holding, and will hold over time. I talk with most of them on a regular basis, whether over the internet or in person. I've even started talking to my old RA from '01, the great James Bell, over ICQ again.

And I don't feel it's a survival technique, it's more the fact that you can feel affinities between people, and the short time and closeness of it all makes them develop faster. The level of contact after is all a matter of how much upkeep you put in. At least in my opinion.

Of all the friends I miss the most, the E-Commerce/James Bellians would probably be the formost. We should all get up to Dublin at some point and meet up.

:D mags :D

Most of my best friends ever are CTYIers. Most of my favourite people are CTYIers. I dont know what it is that so many of the soundest people get concentrated in one specific area for three/six weeks of the year, but in my opinion thats exactly what happens. The only problem I have with it is that some of the best people I know are currently on the other side of the country. Or the Atlantic. You live with people for three weeks, do everything with them, eat, sleep, learn/attend class, everything, and at CTYI things are sorta speeded up and relationships seem to develop faster because you know you only have three weeks. You don't necessarily have to make friends to survive, though it would be pretty crappy if you didnt. But you definitely dont have to keep those friends after the three weeks. When you work so hard to keep in touch and remain close, the friendships become stronger.

SOL

well I only did one session but I am still friends with an immense number of ctyiers, really good friends with some too, spent this summer bumming round europe with some of them, twas great fun, and hello bob long time no see, but I did see dermo, he is in my college :>

purplepolkadot

Dave Brennan maintains that he doesn't live on the Northside, he lives on the seaside.

i'd say his reasoning is shame, he wouldn't be able to hold his collar up high among the boys otherwise.

I've got my book full of e-mails, yet I've not sent one to anyone who hasn't sent one to me

*bitchslap*
and don't we all know it alex!!

yeah, so friendships.
2002, session one: i was basically a ****e person and far inferior to me now. anyone who met me then will clarify this. the first day i stayed 'unpacking' in my room til jane (the oul roommate) came buzzin in wit her oul pair and a guitar. and lord, was i ****e. i felt far too intimidated to make friends that i felt i could keep, cos i assumed they wouldn't want to know me after ctyi. cos i was ****e. i half-arsed kept in contact with people. i was all friendly during it with a few people who were just.... crap, one girl for example who treated me AWFULLY. slut. being friendly for the sake of having a 'friend' like.

2003, session one: COMPLETELY different. first day i ef-see-you-kay-ed my bags into my room and went down and started talking. and i didn't stop talking til the session ended. jane was my roommate again, and she's deadly, so i always had like a base to run back to if i was talking to ****e people.*
and i've made more effort to stay in contact with people, cos i know i can't just breeze back into casual friendship next year, nevermore that i am. and it's easier because i'm so confident in myself now it's not even funny. and i figure if people don't want to keep in contact with me then they're probably ****e and not worth it anyway. (and therefore, see*)

in 2002 i was kinda faceless and completely unmemorable. which i detest. which i shouldn't, cos it's awful. i think maybe that's why this year i just talked and talked, and sang and sang, and laughed and laughed, and groped and groped, and was loud, and did the air guitarring and what have you, and contributed so much in debate/discussion. and i felt like a much better me, and it's more or less the way i am outside of ctyi, and i hope that the people who got to know me in my true form liked it, and i'll still be talking to the reasonable ones in times to come.
even though i was so bloody loud and insistant and obnoxious and pushy this year, i STILL didn't make proper bond friends with all the people i wanted to. and then i felt i did with some people who proceeded to practically disown me. which is awful.

msn and the like is dead handy and well, cheaper than texting. and ringing can be awkward. mini-reunioning it is the best.

i'm glad i went to ctyi, because i feel i've learned a lot socially, friends or no friends. and all my non-ctyi friends tell me that in the last two years my self-confidence has soared, and i act more like i don't need people but i'm happy to let them along for the ride as long as they don't disrespect me and treat me well. and that's a quote. oh and i'm far more positive about people i think. cos i used to be a bit 'i need you to like me, cos if you don't...nobody loves me...etc.' but i'm over that. thank fu~ck. i was SUCH a teenager.

just thought i'd pour my heart out there.

[*one of my new year's resolutions was not to make time for ****e people. a resolution i've upheld with all my might.]

malecO

Yeah I see what you mean. When I came to ctyi in 2000 and 2001 I was kind of like that too, like you said, 'I need someone to like me cos if they won't, then nobody will'. I didn't really get to know a lot of people at all.

I suppose I am still a shy person but it was so much better and different this year (I wasn't there in 2002) . It felt so cool when people would come up to me and say things like "hey you're alex aren't you? guy who plays the bongos", when I didn't have a clue who the hell they were. It feels great. I also had the same roommate as 2 years before which helped a bit. Thanks Hugh.

vikki

the best friends i have ever made ive first met in CTYI because

(a)they are intelligent so you dont have to explain words to them
(b)they are not judgemental as usual people are
(c)they know all of your other cool friends
(d)you dont know how you lived without them and vice-versa
(e)they have usually the same intrests as you
(f)they like you for who you are rather than what you are

so in summary they are the best friends ever:p

Vikki*

Dont Worry
Be Hippy:)

PurplePainter

Hello cest Moi (Ya Ya Roisin of course you have something to say. You never shut up. Hehe)

Well My opinion of all of this is that it depends where you live. that seems to be the principal point so far As I can see it. All the people living in Dublin (Grr argh u lucky folk) can all meet up every week, and do dubliny things, and re-youn All the time. the rest of us scattered over Ireland and America are not always so fortunate and so more unlucky.

A little personal anecdote (Change channels if u like. Go on, reach for the remote) sums up my experience of Ctyi. In 2000 I did Literature Drama and Writing With Nell Something... anyway Emma Dore Horgan was in my class. You all know her. Wonderful Emma with her wonderful dancing. Emma had been im my classes in the Junior Ctyi as well for about 3 years. And we knew eachother, and we talked, but I think we thought we had nothing in common. We were never close friends, and mixed in different circles.
In 2002 a friend of Mine re-introduced us (Chris Kearney) And now we are best friends, and were roommates this year, and see eachother all the time down here in cork. So I guess even if CTYI doesn't directly do it for you, having the contacts does. I think people make an effort with ctyiers because they associate them with one of the happiest times of their lives, even if it wasnt 10 or 20 people that did it for you.

So thanks for Emma. LOVE YOU! hehe. And for all the other relationships I formed in Ctyi over my years there *sniff sniff* *leaves the stage all emotional*

beach babe

I luv my friends from ctyi, I remember them all!!!:)

beach babe

btw, just wundrin, do ne of y'all have any good pictures from ctyi??? I dont have that many good onew of people thanks:cool: :rolleyes:

the_only_Ali

In my first year I was a commuter so I only really made friends with people in my class. Unfortunately half of them live America so I've lost touch with most of them and I only talk to a few people from my class now. I was in archaeology session 2, 2002 if anyone remembers me. (I'm the weird girl). This year I made WAY maore friends but its weird, I havent really kept in contact with them that well. I've emailed them, but haven't gotten many replies, and a lot of my friends live far away, so they can't make reunions. I msn people quite a bit. Two of my bestest best friends are ctyiers but theyre both in my school anyway so I'd be friends with them withoput ctyi anyway. Oh I don't know. I'm just antisocial or something. I love ctyi though. Its is the best place ever, but I won';t go as far as to say I only have ctyier friends because I have loads who aren't in ctyi and I love them too and I keep in better touch with them. Oh. Confusing. And feel free to diss southsiders all you like. I'm one of them and I do it. And we deserve it all.

strawberry

Speaking of Bob debts, dude, you owe me a bit of paper. It's Christmas, come on, where's your generous spirit?

But to return to the topic (only decent one in months) i've met the best people in CTYI. Met my other half (Mark) in CTYI, couldn't get rid of him now if I wanted to Cormac, Sven,Fio et al. Some of my best friends are people who I know through CTYIers, some of my best friends are CTYIers, hell my crazy ass sport loving law buddy roomie is a CTYIer. CTYI is an experience which can bind people together, but more than anything it's just a great place to get to know great people. It doesn't mean there aren't wonderful people out there who haven't done CTYI-in fact CTYI is often the place where people gain confidence to go and meet new people out in the 'real world' as such. Sniff. Getting way to waffley. Going to bed, Grace.

Happy CTYI guy

Originally posted by OrangeRhino
I also met Teapot and Happy who I had very little interaction with outside of annoying each other constantly.

I miss being annoyed by bob.
I miss the friends i made.
I miss everything.

Stephen Forde

Grrr im getting so sick of all this sntiment. Grrr. my story is pretty much like all the others. sob sob. oooh the memories. Dcu is the best. I cant read nemore of these sad sad stories of all u guys. Its not that im not sentimental its just ive been reading stuff like this all the last few days and its sooooo sad. It just reminds me of al the same stuff i did that u guys have done also. I have decided this year to not be shy and keep in contact with people i barely even knew. So watch out if ur 1 of those lucky people ill probably get around to writing u an email sumtime soon (hopefully~) kkkkkk.

GL


Corky da sentimental bastard.


Keep it real

americanCat

i miss everyone soooo much!!! this year was my last year..i've made so many friends since '01 that i just haven't been able to keep in touch with...hell i don't even know if the friend who gave me my nickname is still alive..i wish that i lived near enough to everyone to at least go to a reunion and see some familiar faces, but, alas, 'tis a cruel world..

Raphael

Stephen, STOP DRAGGING UP OLD POSTS!

If its not on the first page, you leave it the **** alone