Stay at home Parents

Eden

Has anyone here given up work to look after their kids?
My daughter is almost 2 and I haven't been back to work since she was born. I had entertained notions of returning to the workforce, but sitting down thinking about it made me break out in a cold sweat.
I belive that ideally, 1 parent should stay with the kids. As it happens, we're lucky enough to be able to get by on my partners wages. If I went back to work, yeah, we'd be that bit better off. But I'd miss her so much, I'd have left the house before she gets up and would only see her for an hour in the evening. And that's not counting late nights. (I was in retail).
Still, I feel somehow inadequate. I don't know any other stay at home mums, and people have even said things like "Grow up" to me when I said I didn't want to leave my little girl! Am I the only one who'd rather be a little bit...poorer... than miss her day?
Is there anyone else out there like me? Or do you all disagree? I'd like everyones opinion here.
Oh, and I know I'm lucky to have the option, and lots of families don't.

Beruthiel

I stayed at home for 6 years with my daughter, I do not regret one minute of it. I believe those are the years when you can really help your child, to instil some sort of beliefs, morals, good behaviour, manners and a relationship with her which will hold for the rest of your life. I do not believe you can give the same if you are both working. You are too tired and busy doing housework, dinner or whatever when you come home. I do not believe you can have the same influence on your child as you can when you are a stay at home mother. Now before any working parents jump down my throat, I did not say you are bad parents, I am saying it is exhausting to be everything and exceedingly hard work! If you are lucky enough to have the means to stay at home, do it and feck everyone else, what business is it of theirs anyway? I hate when other people interfere with your life!

I would like to point out though, for your own good, go back to work when she starts school, or sometime after. I was well glad at that stage to get back into the work force. My mind had gone to mush (some may say it still is ) also I felt unemployable and need a job if only for my self esteem. Anyway it all worked out well in the end.

and btw, you don't need other peoples opinions on this issue, you are doing the right thing for you, that's all you need to know.
Relax, enjoy your time with your daughter, it will never come again.

Nevyn

Hi Eden,

Currently I am a full time stay at home Mother of two, which makes me a domestic engineer, director of lives, moulder of young minds, instigator of insanity and washer of floors

I went back to work after my first and was lucky enough that my mother could mind him, I found once I had two that were very young it was a different ball game and
Was lucky enough to be able to Choose to stay at home,

The very early years are so important and in my opinion the best thing I could do was to rear my children, mine I had them, my resposibitly and I felt that do to the best for them was to be at home for now.

Yes they wear me ragged, and there are days that by 11am all I can think about are 8 pm when I can get them to bed but I would not change it for the world.

IT can be hard esp. if you don’t have friends that have children or aren’t staying at home, you can end up like Shirley valentine talking to the wall or feeling like the only conversation you can carry is about how much better the Fimbles are over the telletubbies

If your little one is now 2 then it is time she learned to play with others and learns the tough lesson how to SHARE .
Play group or toddler group will give her a chance to play and interact (which may include kicking hair pulling and kicking lol all kids do it at some stage) with other children and you a chance to talk with other mothers.

IF you have not heard about a play group/toddler group already in your area the best way to find out may be to get in touch with your local health clinic the place where you see the local nurse and where you had to take your child for developmental check ups they will have a listing off all the groups in your area.

Yes we all love our kids but there are times when you need to vent and only those who have been there can REALLY
Understand how you can love them to bit and yet they drive you mental and all you want to do is scream

Victor

The child also needs a break **from you**. You don't want them crying "Mammy, I don't want to go" as you pack them off to college. It's called "narcisistic wound" - realising the world doesn't revolve around you the two year old.

My sister has had four and worked mostly full time for the first three (maternity leave aside). I think it's good for young children to be able to join a playgroup or Montessorri or whatever, especially if they are only children.

My sister's fourth would only cry when my sister returned to childminder's from work, not having realised that "Maaaaa" was missing all those hours.

I don't know what level of retail you worked at, but would it be possible to work part time either short shifts or 2-3 days a week. If nothing else, it means you can have adult conversation!

Remember a lot of your income (assuming not great wages) will be tax free due to the part individualisation of tax credits.

keeaumoku_tofu

and I am fairly unhappy about it. I am trying to slowly get back into it and time it so I re-enter the workplace full-time when the children start school. (They are 20 months old now.)

I have them in a creche part-time and I think this is important for two reasons. First, it gives me a break to do things without interruption. Secondly, it allows them the opportunity to socialize with other children and adults.

My mother stayed at home and didn't like it. Like me, she finds parts of it nice (no dress code and cuddly moments) and others unbearable (the lack of interaction with other adults and a loss of identity). If you are unhappy with your situation, your children will sense that and as they get older might feel like they are somehow to blame, so it's important to keep yourself happy, too. If you are happy with your situation, don't change it. If you aren't, then do something about it.

Nevyn

I intend to get back to work but I am planning to get some futher college work frist when the children are both in school before that.

niccib

I was thankfully made redundant on the day I was due back from maternity leave. The thought of putting my ds in nursery filled me with dread. He is 2.5 now and I have been working from home for the last 18 months. I know what you mean about feeling inadequate, I needed something to keep my brain active, keep me sane and have something else to think about apart from my little one.

My partner could not understand why I wanted to do anything, we are also lucky that he earns enough to keep us both, but I wanted my own money and some independence. I love what I do, apart from earning extra cash, I have made many friends who also have children. I don't think I could ever go back to work in an office, I will always be there when my son comes home from pre-school, school etc.

I work for a childrens book publishing company advising parents on what books to buy for their children. I really don't know what I am allowed to say on this board, as I haven't got permission from the moderator. I have posted on the work board after receiving permission but don't want to get in trouble on this board.

Just wanted to say, I know exactly where you are coming from and you do have other options. If I can help in anyway e-mail me at nicolajbowden@hotmail.com

niccib

Hi as so many people have e-mailed me asking for further information, I hope it is OK to post here and tell you all what the job is.

I sell children's books to toddler groups, preschools, friends and family. You receive excellent commission, there are no minimum sales targets and no pressure as you are your own boss. A large number of parents do this job and love it and earn lots of extra cash, especially at this time of year.

No-one who does this job is a salesperson, people think that selling is making people buy something they do not want, people love our books and want to buy them. I just recommend books suitable for the child's age and interest. The customer then decides what they like.

This job is not just about money, even though you can earn as much as you like, you also, have fun, meet lots of brilliant people, and are recognised and rewarded for hard work and achievement. I can't stress enough how great it is and how much I love it. I believe I will never have to find another job again, this is definitely the job for me and is for anyone who is willing to give it a go.

If you would like more info please e-mail me at nicolajbowden@hotmail.com You do not need any experience and will receive lots of training and support.

McGinty

I would say to any parent, do what feels right for you. Some parents need to go back to work, be it financial or the need to be back in the workforce, and for some parents, they need to stay at home as the thoughts of leaving their children with someone else is not worth contemplating. Do what feels right for you.

For me I had to go back to work when my son was 3 months old (financial reasons) it near killed me, the schedule was gruelling and I was on the fast track to the asylum. I'm not good with pressure. I left that job and went part time (evenings) then left marraige and job, so was a stay at home mum, didn't like it, so went back to part time working after a year. My son is 6 now, and I am very lucky in that I have a part time job, working from home so I can work around my son, I like to be able to take him and collect him from school and ask how his day is, it feels right for me. I am though, much poorer for this decision, but for me my being with my son is more important than money, but thats my choice. I know quite a few mums who are happy staying at home, others need to work, don't feel guilty, be proud and know that you're doing right by your own standards.

polaris68

Hi Eden,
Go with your gut instinct. You will never get this time back again,so do what you feel is right for you and your child. I have two boys, five years apart. I returned to work after four months after having my first child and while I did feel guilty at times, I knew it was right for me at that time. I was very lucky in that I had a very caring minder to facilitate my return to the workplace. However five years later my eldest child started school and my second baby came into the world. Life changed. I returned to my stresful engineering job and found that I was no longer enjoying it as I used to. Life became more hectic. My husband and I had less time together and more time doing stuff in the same house, but having little contact! We were both tired and stressed.We were building a house at the time and this compounded the stress levels. When we moved, I knew that a change of location,change of minder and change of school/friends would be a big ask for our eldest and so I decided to give up my job and stay at home. I found it a difficult change initially and I do still miss elements of working ourside the home. But lets face it, children are only small for a very short period of very precious time. I missed out on a lot of things with my eldest child, that I was there for with my second. Just little things, that will stay in your mind for ever. Little ways, sayings! I still feel guilty that I was not there more for my eldest. He doesn't remember, but I do. I wished that I had played more with him, as I now do with my second as I have lovely memories of things we did together. My boys are both in school now and my CV is back out there because I am ready to return to the workplace, happy in the knowledge that I made the right decision for me and for our family.
Life is so short....do what is right for you and your family. Whatever makes you happy.............

Nevyn

polaris68 please check the dates on posts, this thread is nearly 6 years old.