Girls and boys advice please.

Divine · 23-09-2003 2:51pm #1

Right ive a little bit of a problem and i need some help and i know i always slag people when they have problems on this thing but if i get some proper advice then i wont do it anymore.

First off im a 20 year old student and she is 17 so read on....

ok i move down to our holiday home in wexford every summer and this was my second summer working down there on the beach as a lifeguard on a beach down there called duncannon for any of you who might know it. Anyway i met up with this chick and we sort of fell for each other a little bit too much. Now i hope this down not sound like im bragging or nothing but ive been with quite an amount of girls but ive never lasted for any length of time with them cause they just get too eager towards me and i hate it.

However this one was real laid back about the whole thing, treated me nice and mean and i did the same to her so we got on great. For example when id go to see her (she lived in a village about 4 miles away) my friends and i would go down drinking cans and smoking and id see her and we'd just ignore each other completly or send in some cutting comments towards each other but we'd always end up completly wrapped around each other by the end of the night.

Now the summer has come to an end, i went back home to Clare and ive started in college now and its gonna be another 8 months before i see her again and im heartbroken over it and i know she is aswell although we havent told each other or anything like that. So now ive no real interest in other girls or anything and im just back from a holiday in Brazil and the women i went off with over there were seriously fine but i just didnt give a care for any of them.

So please will someone tell me is this just a phase, will it pass or is there something seriously wrong with me.

Cheers!!!

IgnatiusJRiley · 23-09-2003 2:56pm

Given the fact that you're from Clare I'd say it's just a phase

Beruthiel · 23-09-2003 2:57pm

Originally posted by Divine
So please will someone tell me is this just a phase

at the age of 20 everything is a phase
move on

Dr. Loon · 23-09-2003 2:57pm

What exactly is your problem? Or was this thread just to brag or something?

23-09-2003 3:31pm

I'd say the thread was to get it off his chest, after all by the sounds of things he's not used to feeling clingy about someone.

Two questions: at 17 what is this girl doing now, college or leaving cert?
Are you in regular contact?

You could try the distance relationship thing for the moment, ie invite her over as often as possible and vice versa.

If you feel , all is impossible in terms of continuing the relationship, then put up with the sting you are feeling now and you will find someone else who makes you feel the same way.
Ask some people ten years older than you who by then have had a few lasting relationships and they will most likely tell you that they have felt like you are feeling now , more than a few times.
It's life and your current heartbreak will be a distant memory at some point soon, (but tackle it head on now).

That last line by the way, has been said to so many so often ,but in ten years time, you'll be using it and saying how true it is, when advising someone yourself.
By then, by the sounds of things, you'll have had a lot of nooky too:D So either come to some workable arrangement with your girl or forget it and off out there into the big bad world with you,theres scoring to be done

mm

Victor · 23-09-2003 3:36pm

Aren't there trains and busses between these two places? Or meet in Waterford or Limerick or dare I say .... Clonmel.

Divine · 23-09-2003 3:36pm

yeah she is doing the Leaving Cert and the long term relationship would'nt work thats for certain but you see the problem with moving on is that when next summer comes il be down there again and il be with her then for a whole 3 months so i just cant wait for that but that is what is also stopping me moving on, oh i dont know i just dont know, ive a pain in my chest and it wont go away :-(

23-09-2003 3:55pm

Originally posted by Divine
yeah she is doing the Leaving Cert and the long term relationship would'nt work thats for certain

Did you mean long distance there instead of long term??
Now regarding:

when next summer comes il be down there again and il be with her then for a whole 3 months so i just cant wait for that but that is what is also stopping me moving on,

My best advice here is to mentally grab a hold of yourself, and look at and take whatever opportunity comes your way in the meantime ( unless you and her have agreed otherwise ).
what I mean by that is,go and ask out someone else you fancy and get on with and see if it blanks out or overpowers your feelings for the other girl.
You don't plan on going to Wexford every summer do you? (assuming you want to break from this girl, but can't as you feel you will see her next summer)
Why not go abroad or get a J1 or summat.
Theres a long time between now and next summer, if she still wants you then well maybe there is a future in this.
You ain't the first, to be in this kind of situation,you're one of millions ...well maybe hundreds of thousands worldwide.
Chill

mm

Beruthiel · 23-09-2003 4:01pm

Originally posted by Divine
ive a pain in my chest and it wont go away

also a phase, you'll be glad to know

JohnnyBravo · 23-09-2003 4:04pm

or else its a heart condition and your going to die either way cuddos to you

Divine · 23-09-2003 5:22pm

Yeah i meant the long distance thing would'nt work. And yeah i will be going to wexford next summer and the summer after that because you see our holiday house is just accross the road from the beach that i work on so its pure handy altogether.

Also im mad to back down there so i can see her again, it was just perfect the whole time i was with her and we didnt over do it or anything so there was not a hope of us getting sick of each other.

She was also the one who said she was in love with me and it was the first time i actually liked hearing it and then i let her know the same a few days later and it was all perfect. As i said i dont know, i just dont know....

Gaffo · 23-09-2003 5:43pm

I can probably nearly guarantee that the only reason it all seemed so great was cos you were on holidays and a laid back and relaxed time. This used to always happen when a few of us went the gaeltacht. One of the lads always fell head over heels over a girl. They tried to keep seeing each other and just ended up nearly killing each other after a week of being home. I'd say its more that good feeling of the summer you're pining for, and of course her.
If the pain isn't gone in 2 weeks then I'm afraid its diagnosis LOVE!!

23-09-2003 7:42pm

Originally posted by Divine

Also im mad to back down there so i can see her again, it was just perfect the whole time i was with her and we didnt over do it or anything so there was not a hope of us getting sick of each other.

She was also the one who said she was in love with me and it was the first time i actually liked hearing it and then i let her know the same a few days later and it was all perfect. As i said i dont know, i just dont know....

Ok you've given us some new information here which I've put in Bold in the quote from you.
You have nothing to lose here at all, at your age.
Take victors advice, and meet up with her as often as ye want to, or are able to.
Time will tell, and you've plenty of that so don't worry.

When you are saying above "As i said i dont know, i just dont know.... " I'm presuming you are just wondering, is there a future in this...
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean future as in wedding bells , at your age and at this stage in this episode:D
What I mean is, you are worried as to whether , someone else will take her in your absense etc .
You are probably also feeling strange and gasping at this whole feeling you're having for her, which from your first post, is a nettle you've not had to grasp before or at least not very often.
As I say chill , take the advice, thats all you can do for now and if either of you in the meantime are bowled over by someone else, then so be it.
Then you move on.

mm

Divine · 23-09-2003 8:09pm

NO no no no no im not afraid of her going off with and meeting someone else, you see when i was almost going home she kind of said she wanted us to still go out so i said grand like. Then she said are we allowed to meet other people in the meantime and i obviously said yeah because waiting the whole year round for one another seemed a little unrealistic, then we decided we would still go out in an open relationship and that any one that we met would not mean anything to us, only someone to "do" to tide us over sort of thing.

Also im not trying to sound big heaed but id say it would actually take a lot for her to go off with someone else cause i knew she really wanted me to say No when she asked could we meet other people.

I know you are all saying just go off with someone and i know it seems to be the most logical thing to do but i just dont wnt to do it, all i want is her and i know i sound pathetic but i cant help it and ive never ever ever been like this over a girl, i dont know what the hell is wrong with me.

I also know what you are saying about the whole relaxed holiday thing but i love that anyway. This was my second summer doing lifeguard and the previous summer i went off with girls but it was just the same old story, this one was completly differant, this one was special.

Truth is i also dont really want to let go because she is just my perfect partner and id be more than happy to just stay with her. When i say i dont know i mean i dont know how il last the next few months, i just wish she was here sitting on my lap right now, id do anything for it....God ive gone ****ed up have'nt i

23-09-2003 8:22pm

Ok you've cleared that up then.

Advice from me stays the same though especially in the light of:

Truth is i also dont really want to let go because she is just my perfect partner and id be more than happy to just stay with her. When i say i dont know i mean i dont know how il last the next few months, i just wish she was here sitting on my lap right now, id do anything for it....God ive gone ****ed up have'nt i

It's in your hands, you've openly admitted to wanting her , madly, so go keep her then, that means no one else in the mean time, unless you are both going to end up swingers when ye are married:D
{nothing wrong with that, it wouldn't be my cup of tea though...}

Oh and chill
mm

Divine · 23-09-2003 8:42pm

well i dont really feel any better but sound for the help anyway, cheers

P.S. swingers? you mean share my lover with some other man while i sit and watch....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

P.P.S. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23-09-2003 9:08pm

Originally posted by Divine

P.S. swingers? you mean share my lover with some other man while i sit and watch....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

P.P.S. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well presumably you wouldn't be watching too much as you'd be busy with the mans wife/GF:D
Thats what an open relationship is really...
But anyhow, looks like it's monogomy you want at the moment.
*edit* by that i mean you are smitten, so give this girl all of your attention for a while and see what happens.
mm

Lump · 23-09-2003 11:50pm

Originally posted by Divine
well i dont really feel any better but sound for the help anyway, cheers

P.S. swingers? you mean share my lover with some other man while i sit and watch....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

P.P.S. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and im just back from a holiday in Brazil and the women i went off with over there were seriously fine but i just didnt give a care for any of them.

You're a bit of a prick really aren't you. Its ok for you to go off with other women and treat her like shít, you say you love her yet you do the above...... Oh grow up......... You tit.

John

Wolf · 24-09-2003 1:39am

Basically you never meet a woman you liked.

Now you have meet one that you like phyisaly and mentally and now when your with women you only like phsicaly your bored get used to it.

commuterised · 24-09-2003 11:55am

it sounds like it's the first time you've ever fallen for someone, so get used to it cos it's gonna keep happening!

I think it's just unfortunate that she lives so far away. Maybe you're so besotted with her because you're not seeing her all the time. If she was around you every day you'd probably be sick of her by now!

Long distance relationships are hard unless you're willing to put the effort in.

Divine · 24-09-2003 3:22pm

No i definately would'nt be into that swinging thing, no way would i share her like that, i mean kinky fun is good but only when its between you and her, not some pervert dying to get up on her...i mean if you could just let another man have her like that then it would mean that you didnt really care much for her, true? And im not really giving much attention to her at the moment, im thinking if i just leave it off the time will pass a lot faster between now and then.

And as for John, no im not a prick and i was'nt treating her like ****. I went on holiday with my parents and my best mate. he was the one mad to go off looking for women and i was'nt going to spoil the whole holiday for him by moping around on a big love buzz, i had to go out with him and make sure he'd a good time aswell and the only way to do that was to be on for whatever he was so shut up cause you dont know nothing about it!!!

And yeah it is the first time i have ever properly fallen for someone and no it wont keep happening, not with me. And it has nothing to do with not being able to see her cause when we were with each other most days, we always both played it cool, none of us went over board but yet we both knew we were both mad about each other. I dont think unless you have been in my position you should really be posting here cause you dont know what you are talking about so some useful advice please!!!!

kaimera · 24-09-2003 3:32pm

phone sex

but be prepared to not hear anything for two weeks in June

just keep in touch with her ffs if you feel this strongly.

I did the same [long distance..think 3500Km

] but fone calls really help the time go by till the hols

Beruthiel · 24-09-2003 3:44pm

no name calling please
and
keep on topic

tman · 24-09-2003 7:24pm

i met this chick when i was about 17, 4 years on & i still can't get over her.
i've had a couple of chances with her, the nights always started off so well, then my drunken lairiness kicked in:(
i've matured now & gotten over that whole "drink to get drunk" phase, unfortunately i've ruined my chances with her in the interim...
met her this weekend & it's seriously ****ed my head up, i was planning on moving to cork (clare man myself aswell) but i can't bring myself to do it now, even if i don't have a chance with her, i can't face moving further away...
so i'm one of the ones who hasn't gotten over this "phase"...
tis a bollox, i don't actually want to be with other women, i rarely even bother trying.

[/rant]
thats prolly **** all use to you divine, just felt like getting it off my chest.
i've decided i'm gonna lay my feelings on the line next time i see her & tell her how i feel

Divine · 24-09-2003 7:56pm

OK Kaimera i would'nt really be into that whole phone sex thing to tell ya the truth, now dont think im some narrow minded prat cause im sure as hell not but that sort of thing would seem a bit wierd to me. Jeez 3500km thats a bit far all right, i think youre way out of your league....

hey T Man your doing it really rough too but im not quite in the same boat as you, in fact i think im a little worse off than ya cause i know she likes me and im just mad about her but nothing is doing until next summer, i just gotta wait but i need to wase the pain, if i were you though id definately tell her how i feel, i love being hnest with girls, even if youre saying something bad to her you always fell better after it....are you going back to college no?

tman · 24-09-2003 8:06pm

Originally posted by Divine
if i were you though id definately tell her how i feel, i love being hnest with girls, even if youre saying something bad to her you always fell better after it....are you going back to college no?

aye, brutal honesty is the only way to go tbh:)
nah, not going back to college, prolly doing a sound engineering type course as a mature student in a couple of years, need to save the old spondoolicks tho.
there was a sweet rave over the weekend actually, didn't think of inviting you, i'll let u know next time theres a good one in the area...

dod · 24-09-2003 8:26pm

Would it be dismissive to say "Grow up" or "Cop on", "Get on with it" or "Get over yourself".

Sorry, I don't mean to be dismissive, so I won't say any of these things.

Shilo · 27-09-2003 9:34pm

Yep, Dod, I think that could be called dismissive, alright! (and possibly a little unkind as well...)

I think if you're that crazy about her, she's worth trying to hold on to. You never know when you're going to meet your 'special someone' (god, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't think of any other way to put it - I know that's a crappy way of putting it tho'.) And, what's worse, sometimes, people really only do fall for one person and that's it. It's a scary thought but it does happen.

If you've got that feeling where it feels like someone scooped out your guts with a spoon and you can feel the hole left behind, then don't kid yourself. It is serious. It may go away but chances are it'll always be there to some degree. You will miss her presence but phone her, mail her (if she has e-mail access) or write to her. If you think she's worth it, put in the effort and I for one will keep my fingers crossed for you both. Good luck!

LegacyUser · 28-09-2003 9:35am

Simple solution to your problem Divine.
Go to your lecturers/head of department and tell them for personal reasons that you have to take a gap year from college.

Go Back to Wexford as you have a house there and get a job there for the year.
Have the time of Rielly with your Girlfriend for that year, you are only young!

Persuade here to look for a course that suits her in or near your college for when she finishes her leaving so she can be either near or with you next year.

Simple and sorted!

If it doesn't work out,you've nothing to lose, you've just had a fun gap year and can go back to your studies.

Now all that is easy to arrange so go do it.

Divine · 29-09-2003 2:01pm

Yep, Dod, I think that could be called dismissive, alright! (and possibly a little unkind as well...)

I think if you're that crazy about her, she's worth trying to hold on to. You never know when you're going to meet your 'special someone' (god, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't think of any other way to put it - I know that's a crappy way of putting it tho'.) And, what's worse, sometimes, people really only do fall for one person and that's it. It's a scary thought but it does happen.

If you've got that feeling where it feels like someone scooped out your guts with a spoon and you can feel the hole left behind, then don't kid yourself. It is serious. It may go away but chances are it'll always be there to some degree. You will miss her presence but phone her, mail her (if she has e-mail access) or write to her. If you think she's worth it, put in the effort and I for one will keep my fingers crossed for you both. Good luck!

Wow man thats the nicest thing anyone has said to me about it, its like you completly understand the way that i am feeling, im afraid i am not going to follow your advice though. I have decided that the best thing is just to try and forget about her for the winter, not talk to her at all etc, just let the time fly by and before i know it June will be here (hopefully).

But thanks for the support anyway man, especially what you said about some people only ever really falling for the one girl cause its definately true in this case. Cheers Bud!!

As for D. intervention, its a good idea but you see the place is wexford where our house is is just a tiny little seaside village that comes alive in the summer but in winter is is honestly one of the worst places on Earth. Just a load of sad locals hanging around looking for any sort of trouble that will help break the routine and on top of that a freezing cold wind that blown around the village endlessly.

Summer time then the place comes alive with holiday makers, the sun is shinning and im sitting out in it all day and getting paid for it. Also the fact that i would not really like to leave college cause id be afraid i would'nt go back, but thanks for the advice anyway i can see where you are coming from. :-0

Girls and boys advice please.

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