Grimy boyfriend

melancolique

Problem here.

I've been with a guy for a while, but it turns out that he really doesn't care about being clean much. He would make some effort and take a shower before we get together, but he is just soooo lazy, and wouldn't wash his hair or shave at all, unless it was absolutely necessary.

I can't get him to cut his finger or toenails, and I can't even get him not to wear his clothes 8 times in a row before getting them washed ....ewww

So far I've managed to get him to at least use lip balm (i told him he would get kissed otherwise )

What can I do? It's really not the most pleasant thing, but I really do like him.

....he doesn't even use any deodorant... :eek:

Nevyn

bucket of water over him, warm water if you are not cruel.

or rig up the garden hose the next time he is due over.

Get him a lynx gift pack and tell to but it to good use or he is not getting with in arms reach of you.

Seems he does not have a lot of selfrespect and if that is the case how much respect will he have for you.

seriously you are not his mother and you should not have to teach him to clean and groom himself.

Billy Turdhed

Listen missus.....You gotta learn

Us men Like being dirty...Iused to be like that mesell till i got a touch of knob rot.... You nudge that dude towards the shower and sink and tell him that you like clean men... I was a big slob myself until my mott said ... Billy boy...Clean up or clear out

I cleaned up!



try that one out missus


WPT

Seraphina

drag him into the shower and wash him yourself

melancolique

"drag him into the shower and wash him yourself "



hmm i think i'll try that

Raz

I'd reckon I'm from that strain of manlyness But I'm not so right wing. The thing with shaving is if you only do it when needed it's easy it doesn't hurt and your skin feels like a babys posterier afterward
If you do it, say, 2 days in a row it is complete hell (when you don't regularly shave often) From the previous shave your skin erupts in tiny little spots (of the acne variety) at each hair folicle. When you shave that second day you're cutting the top layer of skin off those little spots and the hair for some reason seems to catch and pull (even with brand new blades). Women who regularly shave their pits may experience something similar.
Next time he shaves twice regularly have a look underneath his chin and you might see.
Showering most likely seems like a chore. Literally. It's like having to hoover the front room or do the dishes. He'd much prefer to be doing something else. Get him to actually smell his armpit.
I'm serious.
He probably doesn't get any smell himself and he'll need a large dose if you want him to wash.
Finger nails I wouldn't worry about too much, it's not really an unsightly thing but maybe try and give him a manicure claiming his nails are perfect for it like that He might try to avoid it happening again (then again he might let yoy do it!!!)
Toenails are another story. A slight bit of lenght is reuired to prevent ingrown toenail but maybe you could refuse to touch his feet as they're manky. Or you could apply the manicure technique again.
As for clothes, after he's been wearing them 2 days claim they're filthy and that you would rather not touch him. Or say he looks like a knacker or something that'll make him think again.

Doodee

Originally posted by Seraphina
drag him into the shower and wash him yourself

SO thats why u did it!

melancolique

"Get him to actually smell his armpit. "

The problem with this is that he has a really bad nose (hayfever and stuff) and most of the time cannot even breathe through his nose.... i suppose maybe that's why he doesn't use any nice smelling things....

"As for clothes, after he's been wearing them 2 days claim they're filthy and that you would rather not touch him. Or say he looks like a knacker or something that'll make him think again."

This one I'll definately be trying

Gordon

I just can't understand how lip balm helped at all. Were his lips smelly??

Doodee

you may wanna watch that he doesn't take any offense to it.

you will just have to do it in a way that he wont be offended by.

alot of guys will often be too lazy to do stuff. just let him know what he may miss. but dont be harsh on him. could turn ugly.

best of luck.

Raz

Originally posted by Doodee
but dont be harsh on him

Nah forget that. Be harsh! Be *Very* harsh. Contemplate a leather whip an a gag

Seraphina

well if his lips were really really dry they were probably very unpleasant to kiss Gordon :P

Typedef

Raz
Nah forget that. Be harsh! Be *Very* harsh. Contemplate a leather whip an a gag

You got girlfriend Vietnam?

Raz

Originally posted by Typedef
You got girlfriend Vietnam?

Slightly confusticated by the vietnam thing but yeah, I've got a beautiful loving girlfriend. (one whom I've stopped being quite so grimy for!:p)

Asok

Just tell the bugger that he smells like week old lovejuice and that you find it a turn off.On use of the word turn (on or off will get a mans attention) he will be soon preening himself more than a cat .....without the fishy smell we hope

LegacyUser

He's not going to change at all. If he does then it's because he knows you want him to, that "novelty" will wear off.
If this is going to happen, then he's going to need to do it by himself.

S.

Kambika

Get a new boyfriend if you cant accept it, he is not going to change, at least not on a permanent base

Clinical Waste

Dump the stinky! (And tell him why.) And so friggin what if he gets offended? Stinky people offend everyone around them, and need to be told it.

If he really likes you he'll clean up, if not then you get a lucky escape.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Thaed
bucket of water over him, warm water if you are not cruel.

or rig up the garden hose the next time he is due over.

Get him a lynx gift pack and tell to but it to good use or he is not getting with in arms reach of you.

Seems he does not have a lot of selfrespect and if that is the case how much respect will he have for you.

seriously you are not his mother and you should not have to teach him to clean and groom himself.

what she said but without the non cruel thing.

seriously, if he isnt making an effort for you, or even god forbid for himself, then leave. if he cant even take care of himself, hes hardly going to be worth going out with is he?

he may be nice like, but there really is nothing more of a turn off than being smelly and living in squaller. i know. ive done it

id like to add that was a very long time ago and now i do lots of cleaning and washing. the only thing i dont do much of is cooking, and that because i can actually burn water. although i do cook a wicked scrambled egg.

anyway, tell him straight up coz you gotta be cruel to be kind, and if he doesnt make an effort then lose him.
or wear a clothes peg on your nose until you embarass him into it...

misswex

Was he like this when you met him and how long are you going out with him???

Beruthiel

I truly donno what all this debate is about, if your bloke stinks tell him to get his smelly ass in the shower
end of story

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Beruthiel
I truly donno what all this debate is about, if your bloke stinks tell him to get his smelly ass in the shower
end of story

what she said, but with more cruelty

Sleipnir

his initials wouldn't be L.S. would they!!??!?!?

Caesar_Bojangle

To be honest I don't know when I cut my toenails last. Its quite possibly the most burdensome aspect to life, cutting your toenails that is.

kaalgat

My boyfriend is really lazy too when it comes to things like that, but I've made sure to let him know that he gets kissed more if he shaves and showers before we get together.

These days he makes an effort to use lip balm (lovely lips..YUM), and wash his hair (smells really nice).

He also knows that I don't mind if he likes to be grimy on days that we don't see each other.

A little bit of talking about it made all the difference

commuterised

sounds like something that most lads grow out of.
Is he 16?

Surely if he has a job he'll have to wash and shave and take care of his personal hygiene.


get rid of the smelly fecker

bloggs

Originally posted by melancolique
Problem here.

I've been with a guy for a while, but it turns out that he really doesn't care about being clean much. He would make some effort and take a shower before we get together, but he is just soooo lazy, and wouldn't wash his hair or shave at all, unless it was absolutely necessary.

I can't get him to cut his finger or toenails, and I can't even get him not to wear his clothes 8 times in a row before getting them washed ....ewww

So far I've managed to get him to at least use lip balm (i told him he would get kissed otherwise )

What can I do? It's really not the most pleasant thing, but I really do like him.

....he doesn't even use any deodorant... :eek:

Bloody hell, why do people stay with people can then try to change them? He is slob, you have a problem with it, so dump him. He isn't going to change (unless he gets the plague or something and is forced to). Stop complaining and get someone cleaner. Frankly i couldn't stay with someone like your b/f, it would do my head in after a few days.:ninja:

passive

Seraphina:.......probably very unpleasant to kiss Gordon :P

i'm sorry...i missed the rest of that sentence...

anyway...on the plus side dumping him will be fun!

"i'm breaking up with you because you smell"

Nevyn

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
what she said but without the non cruel thing.

Who's She the cats mother ?

ColinM

Not all guys are adverse to washing themselves. Get yourself one of them.
For a man to keep himself clean is not effeminate, however, wearing lipbalm is. So is moisturising. There is a middle ground here guys - have a shower every day, but leave the make-up for the girls. Mmmk?

Sleipnir

Originally posted by ColinM
For a man to keep himself clean is not effeminate, however, wearing lipbalm is.

whoa, whoa whoa! Some people's lips just dry out quicker than others and need to be protected. Anyone who's ever been skiing knows that it can be a lifesaver.
I need to use it sometimes in the winter to prevent my lips from cracking and bleeding.
Having said that, a guy can only use the sticks, not the little tubs from The Body Shop!

hedgetrimmer

That is just gross....with-hold all physical contact until he smells like roses!!

Either that, or get a firehose to him

sunbeam

Originally posted by ColinM
For a man to keep himself clean is not effeminate, however, wearing lipbalm is. So is moisturising. There is a middle ground here guys - have a shower every day, but leave the make-up for the girls. Mmmk?

Moisturiser is not 'makeup' and using it is one of the basics of skincare and grooming, especially if your skin is dry. There are always mens ranges for those who feel their manliness is threatened by it....

ColinM

Originally posted by sunbeam
Moisturiser is not 'makeup'

Yes it is. However, I accept what Kananga says to a certain extent in that items that would ordinarily belong to the realm of femininity can sometimes be used in the case of medical necessity.

There are always mens ranges for those who feel their manliness is threatened by it....

The only reason there are men's "versions" of moisturiser is because the makeup companies wanted to increase their profits, and having saturated the market for women, decided that they would need to increasingly target the men's toiletries market, and subtly expand the notion of what constitutes grooming for a man. Sure their marketing departments will try to fool you into thinking that it is something it is not by calling it "aftershave balm" and the graphic design team will try to fool you into thinking that you are not treading a very thin line between being "comfortable with your sexuality" and complete emasculation by putting it in a more "rugged" container. You should know though, that regardless of how little your manliness is threatened, you're still slapping on the Oil of Olay.

Are men the new women? I'm not, but these guys are.

sunbeam

No it is not makeup. 'Face paint' such as foundation, mascara, eye shadow etc. is 'makeup’, moisturiser is not (unless it is tinted).

I'm not suggesting that anyone succumbs to the nonsense perpetrated by the cosmetics industry, but most people need to moisturise their skin to some degree to keep it in good condition. Any dermatologist will tell you that. This varies of course depending on skin type, weather etc.

ColinM

If you accept that a cosmetic is an item of makeup, then yes, moisturiser is makeup.

From dictionary.com: A cosmetic lotion or cream applied to the skin to counter dryness.

However, it's largely irrelevant whether you decide to term "aftershave balm" or moisturiser an item of makeup. The fact is that it is traditionally an item of feminine apparel, and thus effeminate for a man to use it.

It is not, however, effeminate for a man to wash himself.

sunbeam

Well I suppose it depends on how you define 'cosmetic', but I don't consider basic moisturiser to be one. It's purpose is to improve the condition of the skin by replacing moisture or oils rather than just make it look pretty.

Really any man who feels his masculinity is threatened by using moisturiser is very insecure to say the least.

/me butts out after having dragged this far enough off topic...

ColinM

I might try to protest that I feel unthreatened, but you may not believe me. I'm really just pointing out to you the thin edge of the wedge, my friend!

If you have the sense to leave him melancolique, and feel like leaving him a note, here are some lines you may feel like including:

Dear Smelly,
it's not me - it's you.
You smell like your feet, and your feet smell like your ass.
I've left the immersion on.
Smell you later baby!

Kalina

Lip balm can be seen as feminine, expecially if it's strawberry flavoured or something like that. Guys should use Carmex, it doesn't have any particular flavour and it's excellent for dry lips.
Back to the original topic, a guy should keep himself clean. One shower a day and some decent deoderant and aftershave would make a world of difference to melancolique and it wouldn't be a huge effort for the guy in question. He would find that people would react much more positively to him.

DapperGent

Originally posted by ColinM
However, it's largely irrelevant whether you decide to term "aftershave balm" or moisturiser an item of makeup. The fact is that it is traditionally an item of feminine apparel, and thus effeminate for a man to use it.

Gobshite.

ColinM

Originally posted by DapperGent
Gobshite.

Yeah, you're right - that is a good term for lipbalm.

catspring

it's very easy to get a man into the shower, all you gotta do is jump in yourself (naked wet girlfriend is hard to refuse )

also, tell him he wont get any action til he's cleaned himself up (scumy naked body is not fun or sexy....)

if neither of these work, then, imho, he might not be entirely worth it

Big Chief

why are you bending over backwards to satisfy a guy that obviously has nothing going for him?

let me see here, we'll do a brief rundown

1) he stinks
2) not only does he stink, he refuses to wash
3) wears stinky clothes
4) refuses to change clothes (unless worn atleast to a 'almost cant be washed threshold)
5) black fingernails which are over grown
6) needed lip balm he was that bad a kisser?
7) has greasy hair and refuses to shave


that about everything then?

he must be doing something right if you can put up with all that...

fact is though, why dont, lets say, instead of changing everything about him and bending over backwards, that you look for someone who does do this stuff and who will treat you with respect....

If he cant respect himself, how on earth do you expect him to respect you?

am i making sense here atall?

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Big Chief
why are you bending over backwards to satisfy a guy that obviously has nothing going for him?

let me see here, we'll do a brief rundown

1) he stinks
2) not only does he stink, he refuses to wash
3) wears stinky clothes
4) refuses to change clothes (unless worn atleast to a 'almost cant be washed threshold)
5) black fingernails which are over grown
6) needed lip balm he was that bad a kisser?
7) has greasy hair and refuses to shave


that about everything then?

he must be doing something right if you can put up with all that...

fact is though, why dont, lets say, instead of changing everything about him and bending over backwards, that you look for someone who does do this stuff and who will treat you with respect....

If he cant respect himself, how on earth do you expect him to respect you?

am i making sense here atall?

yes.
good sense too.

why would anyone spend time with someone who lives in their own filth?

HOT

Why on earth are you with this guy???? It cant be for his looks as from what I can gather you can't really make them out under all that grim.

Get rid quick!!!!!!!

ColinM

So anyway melancolique, are you still slumming it with your teenage dirtbag?

How about an update?