Embarrassing problem - please help!

LegacyUser

This sounds sick but I really need help.

Was pissed off my head this week and ended up pissing myself in bed. The mattress is destroyed. Staying with relatives (first yera in college) and can't let them find out! Sheets etc are all washed and aired etc but the mattress stinks, is damp and stained.

Any advice please?

Littletinyman

azezil

huggies pull-ups, "i'm a big kid now"

LegacyUser

I know how stoopid/funny this seems... but I really am desperate!

Doodee

err, very simple, get some warm water with some kind of detergent in it, or else bleech afaik (not sure though) and washt eh area u soiled, then stand it up to dry in a breeze.

should sort itself out that way.

heh, someone can give you better advice, especially if u hit your keyboard

jesus_thats_gre

Its funny that when the mods think a problem is a piss take or the work of a troll, they close the thread. Yet when its a real problem ye take the piss..


Febreze may do the job.. Or, have they any pets.. Let on it was the pet.

Littletinyman

Originally posted by jesus_thats_gre
Yet when its a real problem ye take the piss..

LOEL

Sangre

Wash with detergent, dry out with a hairdryer, and spray area with febreeze if possible or something nice smelling, then flip over mattress.

LegacyUser

Will try detergent, but God knows how I'll dry the damn thing.

Flipping over too late was a mistake, both sides ended up drenched

Is this Febreeze stuff really as powerful as you all make it out to be?

LegacyUser

"but God knows how I'll dry the damn thing"

Hairdryer.

Really, you can dry clothes if you put them close enough and for long enough, i dont see why a matress would be any different

LegacyUser

Mattress is very thick and would be soaked through 5 inches after detergent. Might make thigns even worse.

Typedef

Burn the house down to hide the evidence!

Paddy20

HELP,

Just tell your relatives!, and the sooner the better for heavens sake. If that is the the only "Embarrassing problem" Life ever throws at you. You will be lucky.

A quiet word in the ear!, of her who must be obeyed in most Irish homes, should suffice. Now, get on with it.

P.:)

vac

Sorry but thats just stupid paddy. Try that frebreeze ****e, if that doesn't work simply wait till people have left the house and switch your matress with some one elses.

But what ever you ****ing do, don't tell anyone - you'll look like such a tit.

Littletinyman

Stop taking the piss Philly LOL

Pigman II

1) Turn mattress upside down leaving the clean side on top.

2) Plan another night out on the beer in order to invite a mate of yours round to stay afterwards (stay out drinking too late or pick a victim from the other side of town, whatever, as long as they generally end up stranded and have no choice but to kip at your place.).

3) Give your mate the bed whilst you 'generously' offer to sleep on the floor/couch/(toilet) etc.

4) Next day after mate has gone home turn the mattress back to the original piss-stain-on-top orientation.

5) Show mess to relatives and blame it on your mate.

6) Start following azezils advise chum....p

vac

Don't listen to these lamers, you'll only end up in a puddle of your own piss.

Like i said, simply switch the matress with one of your cousins or some ****, you can even be the one to spot it "nan! jimmy wet his bed".

Fun and ****ing functional!

Littletinyman

Stop taking the piss lads

echomadman

buy some chemical dessicant, you get it in hardware shops for getting rid of damp in caravans and ****, put newspaper on the mattress and spread the dessicant on top, put another bit of newspaper on top of that.

repeat proces till dry, then febreeze it up.

So, by waking up a little early and having some extra sheets
handy, no one's the wiser. Tomorrow, "Destroying The Evidence".
-- Milhouse's news report,

embraer170

Sorry but this just takes the cake. Best of luck, however you sort you way out of that mess.

jammy_dodger

The only sure fire way to avoid this problem is replace it with a new matteress.
If your not willing 2 fork out the bills, just invite a 'witness' friend or relitive up to your room for a cup of coffe or tea. and then accidently spill the whole lot over the matteress. And they'll be none the wiser.

KilOit

get a cup of tea or something that stains pretend that you tripped on a shoe and it went all over the matress then you can tell your relatives it was an accident and pissy stain will be hidden and you'll get away with scot free

doctor evil

Rubber sheet over your mattress from now on my lad.

jammy_dodger

Originally posted by KilOit
get a cup of tea or something that stains pretend that you tripped on a shoe and it went all over the matress then you can tell your relatives it was an accident and pissy stain will be hidden and you'll get away with scot free

Jeeze, wish i thought of that idea.

LegacyUser

me seconds paddy20, no big deal mate go tell em, so you pissed the bed, just be something to laugh about later on, nothing to get flustered about

Billy Turdhed

Try not to post drivel here again Turdhed

Beruthiel

Crucifix

Well, when I was at a party and a guy wet a bed, we used febreze. I dunno if it worked in the end, but it's probably your best bet.

DeadBankClerk

Originally posted by Billy Turdhed
I went to Enland once to hook up with a bitch and took on a skin of beer..... not only did i fail to perform i pissed the cot big time...

Arts in UCD? Really?

Heresy

How about taking more draconian measures and giving up the beer.

catspring

you could always check in the parenting section.
toddlers wet the bed all the time when they're being toilet trained and i'm sure their parents don't make them sleep in damp beds that smell of pee......

Divine

just wash it with detergent and really hot water and loads of suds. True you will end up soaking the matress but at least it will be a nice smell and when you get into bed at night you know you wont be lying in your own filth. Also bring an electric fire to your room and leave the matress in front of it to dry, move it to differant positions. Then get a couple of hot water bottles and leave them in it for the day. Sorted....

commuterised

I had a bad night a few months ago and was sick in bed (a lot). Red wine was the culprit so the sheets and matress were quite stained and smelled woeful.

this is what I did, and it's fine now.

Sponged mattress with lots and lots of hot soapy water(I used washing up liquid) letting the water run through the mattress (as the puke had done), then I turned it over and did the same thing on the other side.

Lay the mattress on it's side with the window open and a fan heater blowing towards the mattress. Be careful the heater isn't too close to the mattress. I had to leave it over night to dry. Then I sprayed liberal amounts of frebreeze over mattress (again both sides) and waited for that to dry.

Good Luck!

Billy Turdhed

Gee Iwas only trying to help.. I thought it was a good solution...


WM.P Turdhed

ferdi

get a big thing of soup ans "by mistake" spill it over the damp patch of your matress.

then your like, "oh dear, i have spilled soup all over my bed!!! it'll have to be washed";)

Hobbes

Originally posted by Pigman II
*snip*

Needs work..

open window, use hairdryer on matteress, throw blankets in the wash. remainder spray with deoderant. invite friend out, let him have the bed after a good night out. Then put his hand in a bowl of warm water while he is asleep.. should be more legit that way.

throw out the water then go "What did you do!!".

JohnnyBravo

frebreeze gets the smelll out of everthing or else try varnish tip ex tec

Tiesto

funniest thread ever!
and i think the funniest part of it is ur sleeping on this bed since it happened every night