Humerous....

Monty - the one and only

Anyone who works in tech support will love this.

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to
determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone
call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her
entire family out of the house and was calling from her
neighbour's. She had just received her first system error and
interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a
warning that the computer was going to blow up.

---

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done
up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest
of the
tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop
from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

---

One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install
the
batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on
the
first page of the manual the woman replied angrily

"I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing and I'm not going to
read
the book."

---

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am
still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to
work?"

---

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

---

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can't open the box."

Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box
closed and go from there."

Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

---

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've
got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it
says
is 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive - go to
A:/ and type 'dir'."

Customer: reads off a list of file names, including
'INSTALL.EXE'.

Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type
'INSTALL'
again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file
name'."

Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place - it
can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing
I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad
command or file name'."

Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're
typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm
using the 'M' key... does that matter?

---

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of
everything. They give the location, name and everything else
just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the
number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can
open an outage."

Customer: "What is that?"

Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your
computer."

Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar ..."


And the best for last!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install
disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A: drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got
stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error
messages did you get?"

Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck
in
the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and
tried
to get it out. That didn't work either."

Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

Customer: "I got these pliers and tried to get the disk out,
but it
wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a
bit."

Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject
button?"

Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it
and
used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around
the
disk and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came
out
fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broken
and defective."

Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in
your A:drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned
at the other techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you
repeat what you just said?"

Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your
crappy
disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was
sticking
out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called
the disk eject button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer,
or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"

Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue
our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't
follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek
professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how
to
use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter
into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."

Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since
we do record every call and have it on tape?"

Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do
for
you. Have a nice day."

WhiteWashMan

roflmbo

oh my god!

is this what i have tto look forward to?

Shinji

No, those are the funny ones..... 99.99999999% of it is much more boring

WhiteWashMan

why would someone phone a hospital to ask for tech support?

Monty - the one and only

I work on the help desk in ******** hospital for users within!





Damn cushy job!

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 16-08-99).]

Hobbes

Best ones I heard were from IOL support people. One of them told me of some guy had got the IOL software to get on the net but couldn't get it to work... because he didn't have a computer.

Or the other one I heard was someone having modem problems, so the support person spent about half an hour going through all this checklist only to find out that the modem card was sitting on the desk (hadn't been put into the machine yet).

Only one I ever got was a woman who had managed to put the disk in upside down.



[This message has been edited by Hobbes (edited 16-08-99).]

ste

helpdesk jobs ... gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwd

regi

Better than being some spotty/greasy student

Monty - the one and only

Dont knock im until you tried it, For instance today it hasn't been to busy so I've been able to look at the Web for most of the day.

I'll tell you about a sister on one of the wards. There was a printer jam and she thaought that she could fix it herslf so she got this huge metal letter opener and rammed it into the printer. She got the paper out, but then rang us to find out why it wasn't working. To put it mildly the printer was a write-off and she now has to pay for the replacement Personnley. £250 down the drain. And the worst part was, the printer was 2 days old, this place still needs every penny it can get.
That only happened on Friday and its not the first time some1 has done that.

Question time.(open to all but Riker cause he knows)


Where do I work?????

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 16-08-99).]

Hobbes

So where do you work? Actually that printer story reminds me of someone putting a support request in saying that the printer was a useless POS as it was forever breaking down with the error message "out of paper". She actually used to wait 4 hours for someone from IS to come and refill the printer.

Creeper

I got a call from some biddy in a Credit Union down the country. After telling her to right-click on the desktop she got confused.
Aparently she never realised there were two mouse buttons.

Vorosha

I am a prankcall artist. *hint* *hint*

Monty - the one and only

When you work in a hospital, it's usually 50:50....

---

Soon you will call me MASTER

Monty - the one and only

Guess or ask Riker!