Crap Jokes

Boy Gorgeous

A girl walks in to a supermarket and buys the following items:

1 Bar of Soap
1 Toothbrush
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 frozen pizza
1 single frozen dinner

The bloke behind her in the checkout queue taps her on the shoulder. He is carrying a basket with a six pack of stella, a pizza and some Wagon Wheels. As she turns around, he smiles at her and says, "Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies "How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says "Because
you're mingin"


Bloke from Liverpool takes his 12 year old daughter to the doctors.
Bloke " Doctor I would like to put my daughter on the pill."
Doctor " The pill!!!!! Are you trying to tell me your daughter is
sexually active"
Bloke " Nah, she just bloody lies there like her Mother"


Man has 10 parrots in a cage 3 on the top perch 3 on the middle perch and 4 on the bottom perch how many Parrots does he actually own ?
Only 4, because the others are on hire purchase.


Saddam Hussein has been caught - shagging sheep in Wales. When questioned by police he said that it was OK as they were islams.


Michael Jackson had his house searched last night, they found Class A drugs in the kitchen, Class B drugs in the bathroom and Class 5C in the Bedroom.


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.it couldn't be
my Mom or my Dad. It's either my brother Mike,my older brother Colin or my sister Anne.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."


At London's Heathrow Airport today, an individual,
later discovered to be a public school teacher, was
arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious
al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Worst 'joke' EVER
Sophie Ellis bexter has been found dead in the hotel room of an
international french footballer in Madrid.
Police have said it`s murder on Zidanes floor .

Kold

Bloke from Liverpool takes his 12 year old daughter to the doctors.
Bloke " Doctor I would like to put my daughter on the pill."
Doctor " The pill!!!!! Are you trying to tell me your daughter is
sexually active"
Bloke " Nah, she just bloody lies there like her Mother"

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

That's hilarious but you're so banned

flogen

I enjoy a crap joke as much as the next guy, but they stunk... i think alot of theme are better when spoken, and only comedians with great timing and stage presence could pull those off

quick, resurect tommy cooper

Flogen

Capt'n Midnight

And they are much better when they havn't been posted N times in the previous two weeks...

I don't think the Sadam one has been posted this month...

angelofdeath

Originally posted by Boy Gorgeous
...."Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies "How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says "Because
you're mingin"

lmao:D

Dempsey

Originally posted by Boy Gorgeous
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says "Because you're mingin"

Right Good. Might try that saturday night to see the look on a young one's face. Have yer Camera phones ready:D :ninja:

angelofdeath

lol:D

quank

its the crapness that makes it funny......

dragon_ninja82

Originally posted by Boy Gorgeous



Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.it couldn't be
my Mom or my Dad. It's either my brother Mike,my older brother Colin or my sister Anne.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

.

So theres you, ur mum, ur dad, mike, colin, anne and ho cah chu. Thats 7 people, not 5. tsk tsk :mad:

Zer0^

why did the donkey cross the road ????

ANSWER IF YOU NO

Dempsey

Originally posted by Zer0^
why did the donkey cross the road ????

ANSWER IF YOU NO

Because the donkey can

Zer0^

NO ,

TOO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE :D:DD:D:D:D:D

Dempsey

Originally posted by Zer0^
NO ,

TOO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE :D:DD:D:D:D:D

Nuts, I was nearly right.:D

Zer0^

nearly

Mossy Monk

deary me. i like the 1st one but the rest of them, FFS the others aren't jokes at all

joseph brand

Saddam in Wales, 'islams',

bwahahahahahahahah


They made me and my henchmen laugh, so they must be good.