beards

Okie

Originally posted by thomasmckinless
wish i could grow a beard but the blasted thing always grows fecking ginger






ps: i have brown hair on my head btw

Snap!

It's damned annoying. Mind you when I was a wee lad, I had a mass of red/orange curls atop my noggin. Now (when it's not shaved off, it's dark brown....with a slight tinge of grey ) :eek:

It takes me ages for anything even resembling stubble to kick in!! I just recently removed the six weeks "growth" that I had in place. I kept telling myself to stick at it, but Jaysus it was woeful in the extreme!

Any hints?

Sarky

It's an Irish thing. Most of us, regardless of hair colour, tend to have reddish beards. It'll probably get darker as it gets longer. Genetics, I guess. Still, a dark red beard looks quite nice, on me at least...

It's like trimming a hedge. It always grows back thicker.

Don't give up! You'll be looking like an evil-yet-sexy mastermind before you know it!

vibe666

here's mine, still ive and kicking after 15 years.

yes, since I was 13 when first we met. wasn't too popular with the teachers, but as I said, it's perfectly natural, and if I can do it then why not.

they don't stop you from growing hair anywhere else do they!

I've had everything from the full monty, to a silly little moustache (but I looked like guido the killer pimp, so it only lasted about an hour).

this is how it's been most fo the time though, and I like it, the g/f likes it (and that too;)). aside from anything my chin seems to disappear into my neck without it, so it's gong to stay for now anyway.

Sarky

How long before one of us asks for a beards forum?

vibe666

BBBEEEEAAaarrrrddddssss! (are great).

everyone should have one.

except girls.

and edward norton cos he looks like a drug dealer with it.

anyone for a beards that changed the world thread?

they did you know.

po0k

angelofdeath

Originally posted by Sarky
How long before one of us asks for a beards forum?

god how sad

echomadman

i second that, we need more pointless forums....:rolleyes:

although, having mighty beards should automatically qualify us as Jedis

Originally posted by vibe666
BBBEEEEAAaarrrrddddssss! (are great).

everyone should have one.

except girls.

and edward norton cos he looks like a drug dealer with it.

anyone for a beards that changed the world thread?

they did you know.

On a serious side, the Hitler beard DID infact change the world as we know it. No matter who you are or what you look like, grow a square beard above the lip and you look like on helluvan evil fuker.


The Kaiser beard didn't have nearly as much impact. What about the Burt Reynolds mustache? That thing defined an era!

I don't know how I could have left out the Osama and to a lesser extent the hussein. Although the Hussein does kind of infringe on the Reynolds.


we salute you, o bearded men of history

Paddy20

I have often wondered. Has there ever been a study into why 'most' males can grow natural beards, and what/why is this so ?..

P.:ninja:

MojoMaker

Why would anyone over 25 want to have a beard? Apart from making an idiotic statement of course...


Any girl that says she's ok with them is merely being polite.

You grow a beard when u can, after a few years you realise the statement you were makin is pretty sad. In the meantime you've missed out on your true potential. lol.

Stick with utility on this, much as it pains me....

omg I just remembered that Reynolds actually just stole the Stalin!






to answer you Paddy: http://www.theithacajournal.com/news/stories/20030911/localnews/232604.html

echomadman

Neal Stephenson has an interesting take on why men grow beards in cryptonomicon.

Utility_ you are lumping moustaches and beards into the same category.

There's a major difference in my opinion.

The Clown Man

Hang on, hang on, hang on, I'd love to see some more women denying the fact that they go for facial hair. There's only been one or two so far. I don't understand why they do but they do and then totally deny it. It's funny!

Girls, you love it, so get some of that tickley scratchy shiat while it's still going! In 10,000 years there will be no more men and gone will be the beards! Woe is ye etc. etc. lalalala.

Sarky

Originally posted by MojoMaker
Why would anyone over 25 want to have a beard? Apart from making an idiotic statement of course...

I'm making a statement? When did this happen? What statement would this be, apart from "I am growing a beard!"?

Pfft, jealousy...

The Beer Baron

I work, as many of you know, with Echo.
We are reffered as, and refer to each other as- Beards.

Now, when I started here, a year ago, I'd just come back from Australia and due to a nasty big-bastard bug, possibly a mosquito, my entire chin went a bit, well, septic. so I had to shave. I hadn't seen my chin in over 4 years. It was pasrty white and raw as hell. I kepy reaching for it subconsciously and realising I'd no beard to stroke no more. I went close to madness. So I decided I'd leave a moustache- but that lasted all of 4 hours before I finally realised I looked like a Mexican rentboy with it and there was no way I'd ever "get used to it". So my moustache went too...

I swear, I felt like I was naked. I saw people looking @ me and I was a little frightened. I'd no beard, I was, well...I looked approachable

The other odd thing was this- girls were starting to look at me. Not older women, but younger ones, teens giggled at my every word, girls my own age started to look @ me in a whole new light. It occured to me the reason was this, having returned from Oz, all tanned and clean-shaved I looked my actual age rather than the age I felt. These were the kind of girls whom I had never any experience with. These were like the ones in school, many of whom looked nice, but preferred sporty guys to long-haired maniacs. All of a sudden...it was like a whole new world was opening up.

I must confess, my bearded brothers, that I was almost taken in. Almost.
Luckily good old laziness kicked in, it didn't take long. I'd wake up, look at my face and say, **** it...I took that first step back to beardhood.
I watched it, growing, those curious red bits (that were mentioned earlier) now were gone and replaced with grey bits- but that was even better- now I would sport a bigger, badder more distinguised beard. It was like I was in the desert, in the desert without a beard. And now, I had found an oasis of erm, beardy-cactusy things filled with water. Not soon after, a week into the blossoming of my new beards I met my girlfriend. And in that I learned my lesson there too- here was me wasting my thoughts on the attentions of silly girlies, now that I had my beard back I was getting proper women. Women who go for men not little boys who can't grow a beard. And if I ever cut my beard she'll kill me.

I look back now and I feel frightened, angry at myself that I might have contemplated the clean-cut life for even a second
Once again I walk down the street and people don't look in my eyes, they see a big beard and they look away. Now lesser ladies cringe when they see me, this tower of hairy masculinity that shows that I am a man they cannot control. Now little old ladies cross the street when they see me. Shaven-headed, tatoos and tracksuit nacks give me a wide berth. Dogs try to hump my leg, when I go for a piss in a pub there's always a wiseguy who sez how much I look like Bin Laden, and every time my mother sees me she goes, "will ye ever shave off that beard, it looks rottin on ye!"- the icing on cake.

And as for the 'girls don't like beards' propaganda, it's a damn lie, cooked up by Big Shaving Foam Industries.
Chicks dig beards. Every girl I've ever been with has spent hours lying beside me playing with my beard. Far's tending to the garden or whatever? I've only gotten a thumbs up for that- indeed my girlfriend finds the beard to be a tickly sensual thing, but I don't want to get too graphic. She also uses it as a rope, which she grabs hold of and pulls towards her when she
wants a kiss.

And it's not just me, many's a time I've gone drinking with Echo only to have girls embarrasing the **** out of him because they want to "play with" his beard. But I won't go into that 2 much either or he'll ban me from the hip hop forum for the nineteenth time this week.

So yes, I'm back, and my brethern have welcomed me back with open arms. See, you clean-cut boys wouldn't understand what it is to be a part of the Bearded Brotherhood, see, society wants us to be clean-cut gillete mach 3 ponces but we say nay! Society wants to strip away masculinity, today our beards, tomorrow our balls. We know this. We're the 1% man, that one percent that doesn't shave and doesn't care.

I walk down the street and people stare, except for my Brothers, they salute me, a stranger, with a nod and a knowing smile. It's the salute to a fellow beard because they understand.
I'm standing in a queue, I know that kid with the long hair that's just starting to grow a wispy goatee, he's gonna servce me before the rest, because that's how it works. Alternativly I can sit at a pub, and stare in admiration at the Gandalf-looking guy in the corner and I'll walk by and simply say, "that's some beard you got there." And he'll nod and say, "I know."

All you Beards, you understand.
As for the rest of you baby-faces, I pity you. In 20 years when you're emasculated, Westlife looking cretins wearing pink lacy boxers and rubbing your girlfriend's feet while she tells you all about her day- think of us, The Hairy Outlaws.

Now- everyone follow me! To the admin/suggestions forum!
THE PEOPLE DEMAND A BEARD FORUM AND A "BEARD" EMOTICON!!!

Paddy20

utility_,

Thanks for that link. I have read it, but it still has not given me the answer I am looking for!.

You see I have had a beard for a very long time. In the beginning the females in my family never shut up, complaining to me about how scruffy it looked,etc,etc. This went on for a long time until they finally realised that I was going to do what I wanted to do with my face and my beard stayed.

What got to me then, and still annoys me, was the sheer determination and relentless nagging, that I had to put up with about a damn beard. What is it that makes the opposite sex behave in this way ?.. a lot of my friends have not got beards, simply because they like a quiet life. Very wierd. It really is a bit of a mystery to me.

Anyone, have a logical answer ?..

P.:ninja:

ColinM

Great post, Beer Baron. I wonder what it would be like if everyone's posts were of the same quality.
That was a really entertaining read.

Paddy - stick your beard in a scanner and post the output here. Actually, stick your whole face against the glass, and remember to press down hard on the lid.

The Beer Baron

Great post, Beer Baron. I wonder what it would be like if everyone's posts were of the same quality.

Cheers Colin, I hereby nominate you for moderator of everything.

Paddy20

ColinM,

Hey, whats with this post your photo malarky?.. Thats the second time today that I have read a post from you, requesting a photo of me!.The other one was on my 'Fed up Forum' suggestion thread. Very strange.

Maybe you should post a *new* forum suggestion, for a 'Members Photos Forum' on the feedback/suggestions Admins forum. It would be interesting to see how many people are prepared to post their photos ?..

If it is approved. I promise I will show you mine, if you show me yours. I can't be fairer than that, now can I.

Go on propose a 'Members Photos Forum'!, I dare you.

P.:ninja:

tman

Originally posted by Paddy20
Maybe you should post a *new* forum suggestion, for a 'Members Photos Forum' on the feedback/suggestions Admins forum. It would be interesting to see how many people are prepared to post their photos ?..

indeed it would!

Paddy20

Thats close, but not quite it. Is it ?...

P.:ninja:

tman

it seems to be exactly "it".
what's stopping you from putting your photo up now?
http://www.boards.ie/nerds
g'wan!

Paddy20

A lot of those look false to me, but I will have a look for a photo to post. As I have just moved in to a new house, this is going to take a bit of finding, as I haven't opened most of the big box's yet.

Then, I will have to learn how to post a photo on to that page. Never posted a photo before, still learning you see, but I will try.

Could take some days, while I stumble around rooms full of unopened giant box's, and God I am lazy, and totally knackered.

P.:ninja:

The Beer Baron

Whatever happened to the notion of beards as a sign of distinction, of masculinity, of wisdom- what about the Hemmingways? What about those great Victorian minds with their big beards? The Darwin's, Charles Dickens, Alexander Graham Bell, what about those great Greek philosphers? They had beards, so did the Eastern philosphers, the Pharoh's of Egypt, the Druids of Celtic Ireland.
In fact, used to be a time when, the bigger the beard, the smarter people thought you were.
When did the world forsake the beard?

I mean was I the only one who got intensly annoyed when they replaced Captain Birdseye with that smarmy square-chinned blue-eyed beardless bastard? Who's next? Santa Claus? Gandalf the Clean-cut Westlife looking git? When will the War Against Beardism end?

Beards seem to have become synonymous with "evil" these days.
Consider this, popular culture, is, for the most part, fostered in America.

Look at America's "enemies", you have Osama bin Laden- he has a beard. Before that we had Fidel Castro. He had a beard too- indeed they used to call him "The Beard".
And that was at a time back in the 60's when hippies were a common sight, as were Hells Angels and what have yous.
To many the beard has, like long hair decades before, become the badge of the Outcast. In a time of war when many young men were getting a shave and a buzzcut so they could get their ass blown off in the Mekon Delta or what have you- those who protested wire "hairy drug-dealing layabouts". Like by sporting a beard you're either a deadbeat or are somehow trying to undermine democracy or both. Ok, so I'm a bad person to argue this fact because I am one of those but still, the Unabomber had a beard, the Taliban all got big-ass beards and the Ayatollah (whichever one you want) had a beard- and they wanted to destroy America and western democracy, etc, etc...oh and Gerry Adams has a beard too doesn't he?

The net result of it, of course, is EVERY time I'm going anywhere I get **** off airport security, every ****ING time!
Not to mention weird looks off the cops all the goddam time.

Now add to that the never-ending prettyboy clean-shaven ideal touted by Hollywood and MTV. All this metrosexual modern man poxy poncy sh1te. Being a big beardie weirdie is so dreadfully unfashionable, and shows no signs of ever being in vogue again, ever.

I also have to blame our society's newfound fixation with over-psychology. I mean Freud himself had a beard but who cares about him, it seems, a sexually-obsessed cokehead with a big beard- whilst I tip my hat to him society as a whole doesn't. A beard, society will tell you, is a man's way of hiding himself.

Balls to that because I'm the most in your face person you could meet and those on boards that know me can testify to that.

</firebrand Brotherhood of Beards recruitment rant>

Paddy20

OK,

Thats it. A 'Boards Beards Forum' for beardies everywhere it will have to be. Forget the secret, 'Womens Lib anti-beard campaign, which almost succeded'.

You suggest it Beer Baron, and I will second it, or would that really put the kybosh on it ?..

Who is the best person with a beard to suggest it, and there would have to be a 'Boards Beards Photo Album' as well.

P.:ninja:

The Beer Baron

You suggest it Beer Baron, and I will second it, or would that really put the kybosh on it ?.

Me and you combining our efforts will almost certainly set off alarms deep within the kernels of the boards servers.
I can see the moderator board right now going to Code Red. I can picture moderators running hither and tither against the backround of of a giant map of the world, I can almost hear the raucous wailing of klaxons.

I nominate Echo- because he's got a bigger beard than me and isn't here to say no. mwaahahahaha!
:P

Sarky

Didn't DeVore have a beard once?

echomadman

I nominate Echo- because he's got a bigger beard than me and isn't here to say no. mwaahahahaha!

I believe i already rolled my eyes in a disparaging manner at the notion of a beard forum.
We beards dont need constant reassurance and (dare i say) cliqueishness.

We are strong, hale of heart and independant in spirit, our beards speak for themselves.

We cut a swathe through other forums striking pheer into the hearts of the smoothchinned masses. I for one would have no truck with fashionable beard types mincing about discussing grooming tips, as I said to thebeerbaron, my beard is goaty not a goatee

Beard or beard not, there is no try!

The Beer Baron

you mean like those bumfluff-sporting sorts who want to have a pointy nu-metal goatee and asking us things like, "echomadman, how do you get your beard so long?"
"ricne, lather- repeat. Alllways repeat."

Ryo Hazuki

Ok, beer baron, Echo. you need to go request that forum right now, best forum since kittencake, It could be.

trilo

Originally posted by angelofdeath
you wanted a pic of me so here it is, god im soo sexy

me

i want your number you schexy tang... but only if you get rid of the hair.... i think beards can be quite irritariting when you gettign down with the lurrrv making... turn of i think so!

The_Bullman

After reading what The Beer Baron had to say, it's made me feel ashamed of what I keep doing. Every few months I completely shave. Each time I do it I feel completely ashamed.

I am mocked for doing it.

It's unbelievable. The same people who only hours before were demanding that I shave, for looking scruffy, unclean, you know what you people have called us, are now taking the piss out of me for looking like a child! I kid you not. As my chin is covered by hair for 363 days of the year, my chin skin is extreemly smooth. It is not spoiled by the effects of ultra-violet rays. So because of that I'm an easy target.

With my beard in it's glory, I've been told that I look like I'm 15 years older. While I find this startling, I respect them for appreciating the level of maturity that I display. I find that bearded men are, on average, more mature than non-bearded. They also known to be more wise than clean-shaven men.

So after all this why do I seem to buckle under duress from my girlfriend to trim the beard. Why only today I shaved some of it off to leave it tidier for her( no doubt to save her embarassment!). How do I resist before the rest of my beard goes? I need your help

angelofdeath

Originally posted by trilo
i want your number you schexy tang... but only if you get rid of the hair.... i think beards can be quite irritariting when you gettign down with the lurrrv making... turn of i think so!

heres my number so 1-900-234-4084 give me a call:)

Gordon

Beer Baron, great post! Made me think twice about my shavenity but I then remembered that
a) Having a beard really itches for ages
b) Beards erode my streamlinedness
c) I don't like finding bits of uneaten food on my body

The Second

beards are good... but proper ones.. not I forgot to shave today ... and will rip the face of you with my stuble!

they add character and a bit of distinction ... yeah go for it.. beards are good.

Lemming

I like my goatee. Whilst I have endured all manner of sh*te over it, I'm rather attached to it (no pun intended). One of the benefits is the complete lack of need to carry ID on a night out too.

I do make an effort to keep it clean, trimmed and tidy however, rather than just let it grow wild and unkempt.

Best fake ID I *ever* had

angelofdeath

Originally posted by Gordon
a) Having a beard really itches for ages

other people maybe but no they dont itch

Originally posted by Gordon
b) Beards erode my streamlinedness

wtf are you a ****ing car or somethin, streamlinedness my ass

Originally posted by Gordon
c) I don't like finding bits of uneaten food on my body

thats caused by being a messy eater not by having a beard

:ninja:

The Beer Baron

thats caused by being a messy eater not by having a beard

well yeah, still though, in a state of drunken stupidity or well, just stupidity it can be great to find the occasional morsel there and go, thanks beard!

tbh the only things that give me trouble are sausage roll pastry, Bombay mix and tomato soup- other than that no nothing ever really gets caught there.

lena

Any woman with a morsel of intelligence will know that only young men can wear a beard and look sexy.

Middle aged men are always growing beards, it's like some kind of statement - "look at me, i'm still a man"

In my opinion there's little more offputting than a middle aged man in the throws of a mid-life crisis, growing a beard and strutting like it's sexy. Especially the ones that take to drinking Baileys instead of pints!
Whoa there you wannabe aged hippies.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by lena
Any woman with a morsel of intelligence will know that only young men can wear a beard and look sexy

I consider myself intelligent enough, and have no problem if a man has a beard, no matter what his age, if it looks good on him

Middle aged men are always growing beards, it's like some kind of statement - "look at me, i'm still a man"

don't quite know what to say to that remark!

In my opinion there's little more offputting than a middle aged man in the throws of a mid-life crisis, growing a beard and strutting like it's sexy. Especially the ones that take to drinking Baileys instead of pints!

so I understand from this statement, that men should only drink pints and never be seen in public drinking a baileys
:rolleyes:

anna

lena

Look, all i'm saying is that when an otherwise 'normal' clean shaven guy that likes the odd pint or 3, suddenly starts wearing clothes from the 80's he found at the back of the wardrobe, ordering baileys by the dozen and sporting a beard, there's a good chance there's a crisis in full swing.

The first clue is ALWAYS the beard...


My advice is steer clear of the hairyfaced ones!

Ronan|Raven

My advice for my fellow bearded gents is to stear clear of Lena!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Ronan|Raven
My advice for my fellow bearded gents is to stear clear of Lena!

don't you worry honey, you'll always look good in a beard

lena

Yes indeed, if they fit the descript above, stay clear, i have a razor and i'm not afraid to use it.!

angelofdeath

definitly stay clear of lena and her razor

ColinM

Hey, Beer Baron, thanks for the rest of the beardy installments. I couldn't have guessed that you'd have yet more great beard material, but you did! Thoroughly entertaining.

I don't think it warrants a forum though, but sure why would you want to give the beardy laughs away for free? Write a whimsical beardy book so people need to pay what it's worth to read it! A book may also be able to cure certain people's pogonophobia. I would identify lena as a sufferer, but actually, I'd say she's just more likely to be embarrassed by her dad for trying to "regain his cool" in his middle-aged years. If thast's the case lena, you're probably better off not finding your dad so attractive.

Paddy!... what gives? about the picture request?

Well, you see, I was once in an old-man bar, somewhere in Donegal - you know the kind - with sawdust on the floor and bathroom-glass partitions between sections, at which old men with whiskey faces sit around all day apparently communicating by means of little else than grunts and grimaces?
Well there was a particular fellow there who had a shock of white and grey hair that started somewhere in the middle of his face and darted out in all directions. His job seemed to be to utter incoherencies at random intervals and varying volumes, while all the time appearing to be focused intently on something in the middle-distance.

I'm just curious to see your face, that's all.

lena

Originally posted by ColinM
I would identify lena as a sufferer, but actually, I'd say she's just more likely to be embarrassed by her dad for trying to "regain his cool" in his middle-aged years. If thast's the case lena, you're probably better off not finding your dad so attractive.

Here, c'mere, i'm in my 30's.... i think i know what i like



Besides, daddy never had a beard.

Typedef

Listen.

Jesus had a beard.
Mohammed had a beard.

Both, are loved by millions of women, who clearly understand their places, in the scheme of things.

I rest my case.