What to do?

Havelock

I have in the past posted problems under guest/masking accounts but I want advice from some of my friends who I only talk with over boards.ie, so I'll post under my main account.

1st ly: To all that where annoyed and trolled "my how are people?" posts etc....you now have your day, I have been brought low by love, enjoy you hollow happyness this fact brings.

Ok finially on to the problem, not that there is much i can do about it now. My girlfriend broke up with me, you hear this all the time I know.
She did it for all the right reasons, their is nothing for either of us to resent, I've no one to blame and its not even my fault. I'm not terminally depressed, though neither am I psychotically gleeful either at the moment. Its just that I don't want to lose her completly, like out of my life.

I want to know has anyone ever managed to form a good friendship with an ex?
Is it possible for a person to love someone with out it causing problems etc?
It happend less than 24 hours ago, but seems to hurt more as the minutes go by, not less. Can anyone explain?

At all your mercies (or lack thereof in some cases)
-Alex

K2

Wow, you are not giving yourself much time for those wounds to heal. A long time ago I went thro a painful breakup but I am still in good contact with the other party, so yes I think it is possible but maybe you need to give yourself some space and time before your relationship takes that new direction. Both of you will need to redefine how you feel and think of each other in the context of friendship, and all this is on top of the current emotions ye are going thro. The only advice I can offer is to give yourself some time to deal with these changes.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Havelock
My girlfriend broke up with me, you hear this all the time I know

sorry to hear that Alex

I want to know has anyone ever managed to form a good friendship with an ex?

Yes I have, but I had to give myself 6 months of space first, after that I was over him and we could be friends. I cannot say we are best buddies of all time or anything, but if I need advice or help he is there for me and can always be counted on

Is it possible for a person to love someone with out it causing problems etc?

I doubt that anyone can say a 100% yes to that one, not all of the time anyway

It happend less than 24 hours ago, but seems to hurt more as the minutes go by, not less. Can anyone explain?

quite understandable, the more time that goes by the more this is sinking in, I don't think it's fully registered with you yet, give yourself time

take care

The_Goose

i don't think it is possible for a guy at least to have a friendship with a girl after they break up!
i recently broke up with my gf but after some time of tryin to be friend i saw it wasnt working as she was always tryin to get back together(that would be great if she hadnt cheated on me like fifty times)
but even at that it would be really difficult to see your ex with another guy, it would just eat away at you!!!!
you definatly need way more time to get over her!!!
its been two weeks now and i still think everytime my phone rings its her!!!!!

over time youll think of her less and less and then you wont think of her at all!!!!

just give time, good luck

hedgetrimmer

I'm a guy and I am very close friends with some of my exes - only those who broke up, as you put it, for the right reasons - one I am thinking of has just had her first baby (a girl called Amy) and I am regarded as her "uncle"

When my current g/f and myself broke up a while back, we remained very good friends to the extent that we actually began the relationship again and are very happy at the moment.

Sorry to hear about your break up, yes you can be friends, but I think you need a period apart to "grieve" separately and get established with yourself, if that makes sense, before a friendship can evolve.

Good luck

jesus_thats_gre

I am a fella and have split with my ex about 18 months ago now.. To be honest, she is still my best friend and it always amazes me when people who have loved each other for a long time end up hating each other. If you dont let pride or your penis get in the way, you will have no probs remaining good friends.

Chucky

Alex,

Yeh, I'm male and I've remained very good friends with all of my ex's. I'm 20 - and have only had 2 proper girlfriends in my life, both serious relationships, and they are always there for advice, friendly slagging etc, etc. and I am always there for them aswell.

you said you want to remain friends with her, so i dont see why this shouldnt happen. From reading your post, you seem like a really nice guy. you probably get told that all the time

kev

angelofdeath

i get on well with my exes after we break up, its hard at first specially if you were really close but when you do get over it you can form really good friendships, ive put myself thru hell several times after breaking up, you feel so low and depressed and actually hating yourself, just wallowing in misery, but it doesnt last long, you get over it and move on

Crash

Sorry to hear that man. if you need to talk you have my number.

em...tbh i have stayed friends with some ex's though there arent all that many, and as you know Jen and i stayed friends after we broke up.

The one problem with it is the awkwardness that exists when you've been very close to someone - where once you would walk up and give them a kiss and wrap your arms around them instinctively you now have to control. the Very hard part is changing how someone is classed in your mind from girlfriend/lover to friend. its not an easy thing to do but i hope you can do it. and as i said if you need anything drop me a line.


Neil

Imposter

I agree with what most people are saying here. I think giving it time and maybe not seeing her for a few weeks will help a lot.

In my experience i've found that as you think out the relationship and why it broke up you realise what wasn't right but also what was right. It's those things that were right that form the basis of your continued friendship. In seeing what wasn't right it helps you get over the break-up. The only problem, I found, was that this is what takes so long, to be critical of both yourself and your former gf and how ye were in the relationship.

AL][EN

Hey Havelock
First off im sorry to hear about your breakup you've actually given me some pretty good advise in the past about relationships (tho i doubt you remember) so i'll try to do the same

presonally speaking i have remained very good friends with all but 1 of my Ex girlfriends it really does boil down to how you are as a person im a softie at heart i have a very forgiving nature
but weather you can still remain friends with your Ex really depends on how close you were with your Ex (IE. how much in love you were with her)

What Beruthiel said pretty much was what i was going to say

the main thing is give it some time breakup's are never easy at the best of times but with time im sure the two of you can still be friends (assuming that it was a fairly eary breakup)

G'luck to you
i hope it works out for you
AL][EN