Impotance

LegacyUser

Everytime myself and my boyfriend try and have sex he can never 'get it up'. We've never actually slept together yet because of this. He's a virgin and i think maybe he's worried about the whole ordeal and thats whats causing this. Can anyone offer any suggestions or has anyone any similar stories in which theyve overcome this problem?

cartman

maybe hes gay??
just a thought,
not tryna be smart

phaxx

... yes cartman, well done, thank you for your wise words.

Probably going to get about ten more replies exactly like that.

How long have you been together?

I don't know any details, but maybe it's just because you're trying too hard. My first girlfriend and I waited for a long, long time before going that far. We did an awful lot together before that, so we were completely prepared for it when it did happen, and were totally at ease.

I know if we had tried earlier, I'd probably have been pretty worried, and things might not have gone so well. Dunno about trouble "getting it up", but if one is worried enough nothing will happen. There's nothing like having a distraction eating away at you to ruin things.

Anyway, if you haven't been together a long time, just give it more time. Fool around more, become much more comfortable with each other, and both of you do your best to learn what the other likes. That isn't a chore, by the way - this shouldn't be seen as something you should do, or have to do, it's something thats a whole lot of fun. Believe me, it is.


I don't really want to be mentioning this at all, but maybe a drink might help you both. By "a drink" I really do mean just one, enough to relax a little. This may be a stupid suggestion, I'll let the others here have a say on that.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by cartman
maybe hes gay??
just a thought,
not tryna be smart

:rolleyes:

The_Goose

hes just nervous, he prob really cares bout you so doesnt want to lose you and considering it s his first time he ll be worried bout makin mistakes, been embarressed even gettin you pregnant!!!
tell him you love him and show your enjoying the foreplay(moans groans) that will get him goin for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CodeMonkey

try porn?

magick

Try Viagra

Beruthiel

try helpful advice lads
B

Gummy Panda

Try masturbating in front of him to arouse him again!!

And lots of foreplay that leads into it. not just "Okay put the condom on ands lets have sex" approach.

logic

Obviously he is worried about something. Talk to him
about it.

hedgetrimmer

Well, the two of you are obviously aware of this problem, so perhaps just talk openly about it, ask him if he is worried, and maybe take love-making very slowly, in stages. Like just a kiss and a cuddle one night, adding in each step until he feels more comfortable with the whole experience.

Or, if he also has a problem with erections when masterbating, for example, perhpas he might see a doctor.

patch

You'll need to reverse all the crap he's got going on in his head.
He's prolly been building up the moment for years (you say he's a virgin?).

I'd suggest telling him you don't want to have full sex yet for X reason. That may take away some of the mental pressure. But make it clear anything else he'd like is on the table instead.

As for getting it up, a good old fashioned blow-job will never fail.
In fact, if the BJ fails he prolly IS gay!!

spooiirt!!

yeah i have probs gettin it up too. maybe you need more foreplay. seriously.

Quatre Mains

I'm no sex expert but here's my take on it...

the answer is almost certinly psychological - as one of the previous posts says, fear of failure to satisfy you, fear of repeat occurances of the current situation etc etc. He'll be thinking about this stuff non-stop at the moment.
There's more than one way to skin a cat tho - again as previous posters have mentioned, foreplay is the key. All the blurb in the mags these days is full of how foreplay is for the womans pleasure, but it can be played out the other way too. There are plenty of ways you can go about teasing him. Don;t go straight for the BJ or h"ndjob - in fact make a point of staying away from that area. Instead concentrate on kissing the rest of him, and have him do the same to you. PerhapsvHave him give u oral and make sure he knows you're enjoying it(total silence is bad), then afterwards kiss for a while and wind down without stressing him out. by going for the works. This way he'll gain more confidence knowing you're enjoying yourself with him and hopefully things will iron themselves out. Also talk to him while you;re doing this, tell him he;s sexy, that you love his body blah blah - also tell him what to do a little, especially during oral - after a while he won;t be able to stop himself. The key is to ease his mind that you are not judging him but enjoying him. By turning you on he will get turned on

Hope this helps
Neil
(you'd nearly swear I have a good sex life reading that!)

Victor

Is he able to do it by himself?

Does he do it too much?

j0e9o

what age is he?
if hes over 40 maybe its physical but 90% of times it a mental block, Like the dart player who cant release the dart, I suggest u let him take control maybe he fells powerless and that ur the one with all the experience and its his sub conusion taking control of the situation.

j0e9o

Originally posted by brocklanders
(you'd nearly swear I have a good sex life reading that!)

Lmao

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I know homosexuality is a possibilty but i seriously doubt it. I know he loves me. I do believe its psychological and after reading everyones advise i think the best think is to take it slowly and work more on foreplay. We've been going out together for 4and a half months and he's 20yrs old-in answer to previous questions.

DeadBankClerk

Maybe he is worried about taking your bra off?

tman

Originally posted by DeadBankClerk
Maybe he is worried about taking your bra off?

damn mods:(
surely people can have a laugh and solve their problems at the same time?

ehm, i'd better keep my opinion well away from the original posters problem.

coming on too strong can actually be a turn off for some guys btw, just take it slow....

Paddy20

There can be a multitude of reasons for a male not to be able to get it up. Particularly, if he is a virgin and you are lying back waiting for it all to happen.

Reminds me of when I was a lot younger. I simply could not handle women who were a bit forward. I liked to make the moves, and not the other way around. In fact it was a turn off, when they made it clear it was time for me to get on with it.

I remember sharing a flat with a friend who suddenly experienced not being able to raise it. This really caused him a lot of worry. So, I bought him a few pints and then marched him in to the Doctors surgery without an appointment, as he was talking about suicide. The Doc perscribed some tablets and said come back in a week if they do not work, this was in the sixties before Viagra etc.

Well, a few days later I asked my buddy if his problem was responding to the medication. He stuttered, " Its working so well that I can not get rid of these erections, they just keep happening every time I look at any woman" He was a changed character.

So maybe whats needed is a little light humour. Or a visit to the GP. It certainly is not the end of the world. Not sure why I rambled on so much, but there you go.

I feel sure you will work it out in time.

Be lucky.

P.:ninja:

j0e9o

what it a placebo?

Victor

Originally posted by thomasmckinless
what it a placebo?

placebo

tman

Originally posted by Victor
placebo

the funny thing is, "placebo" wasn't mentioned before thomasmckinless bought it up
sly bit of hijacking

Paddy20

Yeah, could well have been. Placebos, are used all the time by medical professionals when treating many types of human ailments, and they can be amazingly effective.

P.:ninja:

cherrio

My advice for what its worth,

Yes he is probably very (VERY) nervous about it. Nervous about preforming, not doing it right, hurting you, and a thousand other things...

I would suggest,
- Go on the pill, make sure he knows and that he doesn't have to worry about getting you pregnant, a big worry for guys!

- Go slowly, build up to it (I mean through out the day, holding hands, kissing, touching, eye contact, etc...) don't come on to hard.

- Get use to each others (naked) bodies, explore and enjoy (IMO one of the most important ones). Make sure that he knows that parts of your body are not 'off bounds', encourage him to explore.

- Oral sex, related to one above, but do it and enjoy it. If you are going down on him, make sure he knows that you enjoy it (a big turn on for guys)

If all of the above doesn't work, talk about it (in bed together, alone, lights off and no possible interuptions. But NOT after a 'failed' attempt, either before or the next night etc...)

hope this helps and good luck:)


[edit]My 200 post, yippy!![/edit]

The Clown Man

Actually, that happens to a lot more guys than will admit.

It's all about confidence and, as much as your fella will deny it, fact is that he's shítting a brick about the whole thing. That's what's getting him strung up and hence, unable to perform. If you can get him comfortable with the whole thing and, most of all, convince him that you want it as much as he does, he should have no problem at all.

You have to take him there though. And that is usually good fun

Once he is convinced you want him as much as he wants you i think your problem will not be that he can't start but more that he won't stop!

CyberGhost

buy him some hydraulics, lol!

no no seriously

when i first went to a brdlo, i could hardly get it up, because i was sooo nervous, but if he knows you for long that shouldn't be a problem, maybe he should consult with a doctor or something or buy some hydraulics? lol! sorry sorry!