please i need help

lost_tiger

i've edited this post because i didnt express myself properly the first time around

however, before i (re-)begin, "jesus_thats_gre": you're an actual bloody tosser. wake the f.uck up.

updated:

Thanks for all your replies.

I knew I didnt express myself the way I really needed to properly.

A few of you are getting me wrong. I always enjoyed school. I got on great with all my teachers, and I loved the social aspect of it. I got on great with all my peers completely, and every day in school was just a big laugh. Like most people, I couldn't wait to get out of school and get freedom and independence. But I actually really miss my school life.
What I couldn't cope with was the pressure of the exams. I loved going in every morning to school, but I used to dread coming home because it meant being on my own again and having to think about my exams, having to study, and worrying about not doing well in my exams.

My friends aren't merely "acquaintances".
We go out alot and we go in a relatively small group so we're all best friends to each other. It's just that I don't feel like I can completely be myself with them, or express myself properly when I'm with them. They are so open and honest towards me and each other, but I'm just never able to be like that towards them.

Also i do have plenty of hobbies and interests, and I'm always trying new things. I don't think I've any problem in that area at all.

[To whoever sarcastically asked "are they [the two people i work with who are leaving] leaving the country?". Yes they are actually. Your input is, however, appreciated, despite your tone.]

It's what happens when I suddenly feel like ****. I feel empty and worthless inside, and I feel insecure and angry and small. This tends to happenevery now and then, and last anything from days to weeks. It takes something powerful to snap out of it.

You see, everything I wrote about in my initial post are reasons why I think i'm feeling like this. I don't know if they are the real reasons for sure. It's as if I'm never really happy. It's been like this for a few years, and back in january i actually couldn't hold it down any longer. I broke down in front of my mother, and the only explanation i had for her was that i wasn't ready to all this exam pressure and that it was all getting to much and that i was terrified. So she talked me through all that. I felt so much better after it, but it wasn't long before I was practically back to how I was before. And now, I feel worse than I have in ages.

Look I'm not looking for miracle answers or solutions from any of you. I just really needed to talk about it and this is the closest I have come to being able to do so. I was just wondering if anyone has ever felt like this. I mean seriously felt like this. And if so, what did you do? Or is anyone feeling like this now?

Thanks

original message:

i dont think i can cope any longer and i dont know what to do

i'm totally lost

i'm 17 and i feel like my head is gonna explode

i feel totally trapped at home. i never get any time to myself and i despise my siblings, and blame them for most of the reason why i feel so trapped at home.

i'm taking a year out after doing my leaving cert and nothing's going as i had hoped. i felt i badly needed a year off to get a hold of myself and find myself and grow. all i had hoped for was happiness, but i'm extremely unhappy, with no-one i feel i can talk to about it. i have a job, and it's begun to take over my life, and it's making me really unhappy. there aree two people i work with that have kept me sane since i started. they're the only two people on my wavelength, but i've just found out that they're both leaving within the next two weeks. i'm gonna get even more unhappy when they go

i try talking to my parents about it but they just tell me to think about the money i'm making and that will make things better. but it doesnt. i don't want money, i want happiness.

during my leaving cert year i often contemplated suicide. i didnt think i'd be able to cope with such pressure, and i almost wasnt able to. on numerous occassions while out walking my dog, feeling as depressed as hell, i walked across the road, just hoping for a car to come speeding along and to put an end to the misery that was making my life hell on earth. this year out was supposed to be my year of revival, but things are just going to back to how they were, yet again

i have friends, but they dont satisfy me. they're good people, but they're not the type of friends i feel i need or want.

it doesn't help that my ultimate dream in life is to be an actor, but i know i'm not good-looking enough to ever make it as one. i can't think of anything that would make me happier. also, i've been writing songs for about two years, and it's my other dream to get to share them with the public, to have them heard and loved, but for the same reason as with acting, it's unlikely to happen

i always feel extremely depressed when i'm in public because there are so many such-good-looking people everywhere, and i know i can never be like that. i feel so insecure and inferior around people like that.

i used to feel secure and happy in this world, but when the powers at be are killing each other and are constantly at war, its impossible to feel any sense of security. there's no friendliness any more. everyone just looks out for themselves.

why can't people just be genuine and sincere and friendly and real? why can't true real friendships exist these days?

i feel like society is pulling me in so many different directions with regards to how it wants me to be, or to act, or to live, that i'm irrepairably being ripped to shreds, and whatever soul was once inside of me waiting to grow is being destroyed before it get's the chance.

i don't believe in god or heaven or an afterlife or any higher being or anything like that. i believe that we're all just here. we'll live, wel'll die, and that's it. i wish i did think differently. maybe i'd be happier.

i'm starting to despise some members of my family to the point of pure hatred, because i blame them for me not being able to grow as a person. it is their fault in so many ways that i'm not going to go into now.

i don't know what to do. i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt in any way similar.

quite a few people i was close to have suffered in some way through illness or death in the past few years that i've lost all sense of life.

i've been up and down this road so many times within the past few years. each time i "recover", it's always only a matter of weeks before i'm back to feeling lifeless all over again, and each time i wonder what the point in carrying on living is.

i don't think i've been able to explain exatly how i feel in the way i would have hoped. i'm sure you can make something of what i've been saying. i just hope you can help or offer some advice or something....

DaithiSurfer

Don't worry.
The first 20 years after leaving school and working everyday are the worst.

Paddy20

Hey, just hang in there, and wait for people to start responding to your post.

It contains a lot of issues, that need answering, and I feel confident you will receive those answers. Its gone midnight and I am a bit exhausted and need some shuteye, before I would even attempt to start really answering your post.

However, you have posted your concerns in the right place, and you should not have to wait long, before those who are genuinely concerned. Start replying. I will be watching your thread with interest, and contributing my 2cs worth when I can.

For the moment. Keep your spirits up.

Be lucky.

P.:ninja:

Dr. Dre

Whoa!
Personally I think you're taking life too seriously, relax a little, I agree with most of what you say, but hey whaddya gonna do ?

Disappointment is a fact of life, you suck it up and move on, we all have plans and goals in life, but sometimes things don't just work out and that's the way it is.

Your post pretty much sums up life in general, there's not really a lot to be said about it apart from what I have already said.

i have plenty of friends, but they dont satisfy me. they're great people, but they're not the type of friends i feel i need.

I don't know where to go with that ! I wouldn't class them as friends, more as acquaintances. Generally I would have thought that peoples chosen group of friends would have "similar" wavelengths or at least frequencies.

liz2000

you sound so down, i was too when i was at your stage, i thought that no-one understood me at all and i felt so much pressure in life, i hated myself and used to suffer anxiety attacks in public, i didnt like the way i looked and thought i would never find anyone who would or could ever love or like me, i didnt want to live half of the time, but it passed by me , with age i guess,, with experience i got to know who i am and even to like who iam, even with all my imperfections, and i meet new problems and hidden sides to myself all the time but the difference is that i can cope with them, deal with life on lifes terms, looking at life this way makes an incredible differece to how u feel and cope, there will always be **** thrown at us all, thats just a test of strenght, it does help you grow and discover who and what u are, i dont know how the process works but it does, your age is sooooo hard to be in, i know because i could have written what u said in ur thread 15 years ago, and now i am happy and i had some fab times gettin here, as for ur family ( your sis and bro) , just accept thats who they are, you dont have to like them just because u are related , let them be and let yourself be too, by hurtin yourself suicidally, you know what i mean, you are depriving yourslef of a future u caould really enjoy, you sound like a really nice person, you would also be preventing a lot of people fromt he pleasure of knowing u, try to think of the bigger picture and get professional help if you think u need it, theres nothin worng with that at all, just hang in there , it will be worth ur while,
even chattin on this site is a start, and by the way u did express urself very well, and also its good to have a dream of acting or being a musicain, and who says u have to be brad pit ect to be that,,, that has nothin to do with talent,
take care;)

feylya

My advice would be to get you down to a doctor and see about some councilling or some anti-depressants. I was in the same boat as you about a year ago. Having suffered depression for he best part of about 7 years, I finally went to the doctor, who put me on prozamol for about three months. One day, I sorta just tweaked actually what I had going for me and I haven't looked back since. I've started enjoying life for once. I still get small bouts of depression but they only last for hours, rather than days.

As for the songs, I say just go for it. If you've got a decent set of lungs on ya and can play a couple of chords, start playing for people. Even playing for your "mates" can help your confidence a lot.

Trust me, it's not as bad as it all seems.

bus77

You dont owe nuttin to nobody.

seamus

You're still young, and not sure where you fit in in the world. Trust me, we've all been there.

You sound nicely confused to me. It will pass. School is tough towards the end because on one hand, you're trying to express yourself and become an adult, and on the other hand, you have a system of rules, which have been in place since you were much younger and more immature, trying to make you conform.

School is a minor part of life. Some people hate it, some people love it. What matters now is that nothing that ever happened in school matters anymore. You have a much bigger world to explore now, and work is a part of that.

Your brother and sister will seem selfish, always. You are family, and family almost always take family for granted. You know you don't actually hate them, but they just irritate you so much. That's normal. That's what happens when everyone in the house has grown up. You crave your own space. So take it. When you turn 18, you'll have been working, and you'll have money. Move out.

You want to be an actor, go get involved in a local drama society. If you live near a college, go up and have a look at the noticeboards. College Drama societies are always screaming out for actors, especially male ones, and normally don't care if you're in the college at all. Trinity college especially has a very active drama society.
If you like writing songs, go start a band. Or record the songs, play them for a pub owner and ask him for a gig a week or something.

You have all the time in the world now to go and do what you want. But you seem torn between image and desire. You say the world's insistence on image annoys you, yet you grade yourself against these perceived standards. Don't. If you want to do something, do it. What does it matter if someone else thinks it's dumb, or you're no good? You want to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. If what you want to do makes you happy, and doesn't hurt anyone else, then nothing else matters.

I could go on spouting cliches all night, but I won't. I have two words for you. Shit happens. If you keep that in mind for the next few years, you'll be fine. For example, the people you get on best with in work are leaving. They're doing what makes them happy. Great. You don't know what's going to happen the week after they're gone - for all you know, you may meet the love of your life. Unhappiness begets unhappiness. You're a worrier, so if you're depressed, sad or lonely, then you don't feel like it'll ever end. If you're happy, then you don't enjoy it because you're waiting for it to end.

If it helps, most of what you said there sounded like me after my leaving. I was a little older, but was sick of my family, sick of never doing what I wanted to do, and sick of having to live up to society's expectations.

Now none of that matters. i do what I want to do, when I can, don't live with my family anymore, and am closer to them than ever, and only aspire to my own expectations. What society idealises is irrelevant.

"We don't spontaneously combust, we have to set ourselves on fire." Meaning, don't wait on the off-chance that something good will happen. Go and make it happen.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by lost_tiger
i'm 17 and i feel like my head is gonna explode

ok
first off, I doubt you will get anyone disagreeing with me when I say the ages between about 14 to 19 are the sh*test there are, no other time in your life will you feel so lost/adrift. A lot of it has to do with the total lack of control and purpose, not knowing where to go next. We've all been there to one extent or another. Trust me when I say it will get better.

i feel totally trapped at home

been there, I couldn't get out of my home fast enough, this is also normal enough, you're at the age when you feel too old to be told what to do and too young to know what to do if you had the choice!

i never get any time to myself and i despise my siblings

in years to come, most likely they will become your best friends, the sister I hated the most as a teenager is now my best friend.

i have a job, and it's begun to take over my life, and it's making me really unhappy

is it possible to find another job if you dislike this one so much?

i'm gonna get even more unhappy when they go

I know it can be hard to do, but I think an attitude change is in order, you seem to have 'the glass is half empty' attitude, instead of 'the glass is half full' try to see the positive in things.

i try talking to my parents about it but they just tell me to think about the money i'm making and that will make things better. but it doesnt. i don't want money, i want happiness.

the fact that you can talk to your parents is amazing, so many people cannot, take that as a plus if you can.

during my leaving cert year i often contemplated suicide. i didnt think i'd be able to cope with such pressure, and i almost wasnt able to. on numerous occassions while out walking my dog, feeling as depressed as hell, i walked across the road, just hoping for a car to come speeding along and to put an end to the misery that was making my life hell on earth.

I think there would be no harm in speaking to a councillor, why not try to find one in your area? They can help you see things in perspective

it doesn't help that my ultimate dream in life is to be an actor, but i know i'm not good-looking enough to ever make it as one. i can't think of anything that would make me happier.

You do realise that not all actors are good looking? There are many character actors out there that are dog ugly but have a screen presence second to none, Gerard Depardieu (very famous French actor) Ian Mclennan (Gandalf) are two off the top of my head, if you want something badly enough it will happen.

i've been writing songs for about two years, and it's my other dream to get to share them with the public, to have them heard and loved, but for the same reason as with acting, it's unlikely to happen

why not? there are places that do 'open mic' nights

i always feel extremely depressed when i'm in public because there are so many such-good-looking people everywhere

everyone of us in here can think like that, the world is not full of supermodels you know, we all have to make the best of what we got, work on yourself, it's the personality at the end of the day that attracts us all, if you have a stong character it doesn't matter what you look like.

i know i can never be like that. i feel so insecure and inferior around people like that

you can be anything you want to be, and you shouldn't feel inferior to anyone else, you aren't!! just because you are good looking doesn't make you a better person!

i used to feel secure and happy in this world, but when the powers at be are killing each other and are constantly at war, its impossible to feel any sense of security. there's no friendliness any more. everyone just looks out for themselves

you cannot take the worries of the world on your shoulders, you have no control over that. Why not join Greenpeace or Amnesty International? Every little bit helps.

why can't people just be genuine and sincere and friendly and real?

people can, there are plenty of them in here

i feel like society is pulling me in so many different directions with regards to how it wants me to be, or to act, or to live,

ignore society, decide what it is you want and go for it

i don't believe in god or heaven or an afterlife or any higher being or anything like that. i believe that we're all just here. we'll live, wel'll die, and that's it

yup, I believe the same thing, however, it's what you make of your life while you have it that counts! You are here to be as happy and fullfilled a person as you can make yourself.

i'm starting to despise some members of my family to the point of pure hatred, because i blame them for me not being able to grow as a person

why blame them? they are people too who are possibly adrift, worry about taking care of yourself and let them be, perhaps they are doing the best that they can, if not, well it's not up to you to have their problems on your shoulders.

i don't know what to do. i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt in any way similar

just about 99% of the world

i don't think i've been able to explain exatly how i feel in the way i would have hoped. i'm sure you can make something of what i've been saying. i just hope you can help or offer some advice or something....

as someone else in here said, 'suck it in' get on with it. Take a day at a time and stop turning all the sh*t around in your head 24/7, that can drive you mad. Go see someone if it's possible to do that.
and once again, relax! we all have been where you are now, it builds character and makes you a stronger person, more able for the big wide world once you hit it.
anna

Havelock

Reading your post was like getting a letter from the past. Not saying your not unique but you seem as far as your post goes into to be in the exact place I was for years. I felt unloved, unlovable, unattractive, unappriacted and unable to do anything about any of it. I'd love to be an actor too, but I am no Adonis, I love music and all its expression, but can't hold a tune and can untune an instrument by looking. I have found a love though, photography. I work for a few magazines, take pictures for Friends, have my own projects etc. I'm rarely with out my camera. (And for the whole beautiful people thing, I get to photograph them) If you find something to intrest you and put enrgies into it may help. It did for me.

Beruthiel

btw
as good a place as any to start:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=171

RicardoSmith

You need to focus on something you like doing. Whats the thing you like doing, most, music, sport etc. Is there anything you really want to do like, become a pilot, get into computers etc?

star gazer

Sibling rivalry can be a challenge at the best of times, but when you feel so alone and have self-destructive impulses it is a torment. The arguments where you once felt you held your own, it often now feels like you never make your point and always lose the argument. If a situation causes you great pain and facing it is only going to damage you avoid it. Pick your own times to confront people that you feel have wronged you.

Be patient with yourself about things, when you have to struggle with outside things like job, family, relationship etc. it can be very paralysing when you are fighting with yourself on the inside. Limit what you expect yourself to accomplaish. It takes time to get yourself ready for success in reaching for your dreams and as long as you stay alive there is a chance to see your dreams become reality. People will put obstacles in your way, but there are also other barriers that are simple realities, having a few euros to spend on socialising, entertainment etc. helps, taking care of yourself health-wise, and other things are going to confront you if you move out of home, like cooking, cleaning etc.

Don't expect too much too soon but keep it high on your long-term goals what it is you want to do. Sometimes oin the short-term we have to sacrifice following our dreams in terms of earning a living and so on so that we can build up oursleves and better position ourselves to eventually chase the dreams.

Right now talking about your problems with someone who knows what they are talking about, like others have said a visit to a counsellor or a GP could let you get help and figure out where you are at. Maybe the counselling would be the better option to try first to try to get a handle on things and where you are at. There is help out there, it is ok to feel the way you do, and you can do something about it. Accepting where you are at and how you feel will clear the path to dealing with issues that have been faced and gone through by people before.

Things will get better, the leaving cert was a big trauma to go through, take your time and take care of yourself.

Dr. Loon

Hmmm.... sorry to go against the grain here, and I'm afraid my post won't be full of clichés, but to me this guy/girl sounds like an immature, over-sensitive, over analysing, whingy, angsty teenager.

Which is pretty much what I was when I was 17.

My advice is to cop on, and lighten up.
If you want to act. Do something about it. As has been suggested.
If you want to play music, ****in do somethin about it.

Get up off your arsé and do something about your problems.

As for the rest of your angst ridden post on society and it's problems... go an put it in a song. It worked for Eddie Vedder!

Your "friends" are not friends as someone else mentioned. If you don't like your friends or you just think they're nice people but "not on your wavelength." They're not your friends.
Why don't you stick with the two people in work as your friends? Or are they leaving the country?

ferdi

lost_tiger
i'm 18 and i think everyone our age gets lives like this to some extent, everyone who dosnt is either extremely lucky or in denial. i cant tell u what to do cause i'm kind of where you are myself. just squeez everying into a little ball and try to get on with things, its worked for me so far.

jesus_thats_gre

Originally posted by feylya
Trust me, it's not as bad as it all seems.

Booyaaa chap About bloody time!!! So gonna slag ur hair when I get home..




I think ya need someone to give ya a good kick up the arse and stop being such a "fairy". Get yourself a hobby, get yourself some friends that likes said hobby, get yourself one friend who will slag the bollooox out of ya who ya know is not being serious and get of your ****ing moaning arsee and do something.

star gazer

'snap out of it' that can work for a day or a week but if there is an underlying problem then snapping out of it is just ignoring it. Going through life thinking you can snap out of any problem is ultimately self-defeating. Suicide and suicide attempts are very real in this country and therefor thoughts of suicide should be taken seriously and people need to be encouraged to seek what help they want and need.

Peace

Originally posted by lost_tiger

during my leaving cert year i often contemplated suicide. i didnt think i'd be able to cope with such pressure, and i almost wasnt able to. on numerous occassions while out walking my dog, feeling as depressed as hell, i walked across the road, just hoping for a car to come speeding along and to put an end to the misery that was making my life hell on earth.

Ah ffs, what did the dog do to deserve that?? I mean cmon.

jesus_thats_gre

Originally posted by star gazer
'snap out of it' that can work for a day or a week but if there is an underlying problem then snapping out of it is just ignoring it. Going through life thinking you can snap out of any problem is ultimately self-defeating.

To a certain degree yes, but nothing is bad enough when you are 17 or 18 to make you contemplate suicide.

[puts on thick ignorant cap]

At that age, its a state of mind brought on by self pity and over analysing everything to death.. "Why did she ignore me?" - "oh i must be the worst ****ing person in the world"....... I refuse to entertain this as everyone else has to put up with it.. The writing of the initial post would just about depress me, never mind the poor soul who wrote it.

The whole problem is caused by oneself over thinking every single situations. Instead you should saying - **** it, thats just life and lets get on with it!!!

[/puts on thick ignorant cap]

b3t4

Originally posted by lost_tiger
during my leaving cert year i often contemplated suicide. i didnt think i'd be able to cope with such pressure, and i almost wasnt able to.

You did cope in the end. That is what matters. Try to look on the positive of things. All through your post it is very *very* negative. And even when you talk about something positive (the fact that you have friends) you then promptly attach negative thoughts towards it. It may appear that way at the present but it can change if you let it. You have alot more control over your life than you think. You call the shots and make things happen for yourself. Tell eveyone else to fe<k off while you get on with your thing. People will respect you more if you do your own thing in life. With this respect suddenly you feel better about yourself and then it can lead to new friends and the rest.

It's not all so hopeless I assure you.

Take care,
A.

Doctor Spoc

I know how you feel, i've been going through a stage of self harming. I tried to kill myself almost two weeks ago (i slashed my wrists) but now i'm feeling slightly better. The thing with the siblings i can relate to too! I'll give some advice (for free!) a: if you're looking for friends on the same wavelink as you (i'm guessing intellectual guy, suffering from self loathing and low tolarance for idiots obsessed completely with sex, drugs and killing) go to meeting or discussions about things that you're intrested in (i suggest you advoid sucicidals ? for the while) you are bound to find some people on the same wavelink. Also colleages are good and concerts (whatever kind of music except for pop.)
b: if you get the sudden urge to kill yourself stop and take 10 deep breaths allow your mind to clear, if that fails think of your favourite song or in your case favourite movie (not trying to cause offence)
c: maybe the thing is that you feel that no one loves you, you are very wrong! Your family may seem thick so i suggest that you spend as much time as possible with those two friends of yours, try to get them to intorduce you to some of their friends.
d: Maybe you feel lonely or you are sexually frustrated, stop and take time to enjoy your own company (i do not mean that you should jerk off or anything of the sort) also keep going to drama classes and aditions they'll help you enjoy yourself.
e: if you want to be an actor i suggest that your first big role is to act as a happy person who enjoys life and lives life to the full.

Hope my suggestions help!

Type to ya soon!
Doctor Spoc

MojoMaker

Alternatively there are places you can buy the attention you crave...

lost_tiger

Thanks for all your replies.

I knew I didnt express myself the way I really needed to properly.

A few of you are getting me wrong. I always enjoyed school. I got on great with all my teachers, and I loved the social aspect of it. I got on great with all my peers completely, and every day in school was just a big laugh. Like most people, I couldn't wait to get out of school and get freedom and independence. But I actually really miss my school life.
What I couldn't cope with was the pressure of the exams. I loved going in every morning to school, but I used to dread coming home because it meant being on my own again and having to think about my exams, having to study, and worrying about not doing well in my exams.

My friends aren't merely "acquaintances".
We go out alot and we go in a relatively small group so we're all best friends to each other. It's just that I don't feel like I can completely be myself with them, or express myself properly when I'm with them. They are so open and honest towards me and each other, but I'm just never able to be like that towards them.

It's what happens when I suddenly feel like ****. I feel empty and worthless inside, and I feel insecure and angry and small. This tends to happenevery now and then, and last anything from days to weeks. It takes something powerful to snap out of it.

You see, everything I wrote about in my initial post are reasons why I think i'm feeling like this. I don't know if they are the real reasons for sure. It's as if I'm never really happy. It's been like this for a few years, and back in january i actually couldn't hold it down any longer. I broke down in front of my mother, and the only explanation i had for her was that i wasn't ready to all this exam pressure and that it was all getting to much and that i was terrified. So she talked me through all that. I felt so much better after it, but it wasn't long before I was practically back to how I was before. And now, I feel worse than I have in ages.

Look I'm not looking for miracle answers or solutions from any of you. I just really needed to talk about it and this is the closest I have come to being able to do so. I was just wondering if anyone has ever felt like this. I mean seriously felt like this. And if so, what did you do? Or is anyone feeling like this now?

Thanks

patch

Well, from what you've said there your mother was able to make you see things clearer to such an extent that it was all better.

Why not talk to her now? There's nothing to be ashamed of, we all need to get things off our chest at times.

Better yet, seen as you know a good chat will help, go and see a professional. I'm sure if you speak to your mother she'd be delighted to help with arranging to see someone.

You know it'll get better though, your just too down to make the effort.

Good luck.

Agent Smith

i always feel extremely depressed when i'm in public because there are so many such-good-looking people everywhere, and i know i can never be like that. i feel so insecure and inferior around people like that.

8 simple words answer this

beauty is in the eye of the beholder


look at me.... i'm a ugly bastard, as said the word aint full of super models..... deal with it.... accept it......

my last girlfriend wasnt so pretty but her personality was second to none....
(Untill she cheated on me)

"yeasoda"

Havelock

Doctor Spoc said:
d: Maybe you feel lonely or you are sexually frustrated, stop and take time to enjoy your own company (i do not mean that you should jerk off or anything of the sort)

Just to point out there is nothing wrong with masterbation, everyone (men and women) that I know does it. Its not bad or dirty. Just want to avoid giving you any more issues tiger.

I've felt the way you said you do, even down to the wanting to kill my family, the hated burning way at what makes me me, the feeling of total inadaquacy and disperfection. I have envied horrible people just because they where going out with soemone I liked, where someone I liked, where beautiful everything. I hated everything. Just could never make the "logical" leap to suicide, glad I didn't. I have an imperfect life but its mine, and there is good as well as bad in my life. You'll live through it, if you really do need to talk, I'm available to listen. PM me.

Doctor Spoc

Originally posted by Havelock
Just to point out there is nothing wrong with masterbation, everyone (men and women) that I know does it. Its not bad or dirty. Just want to avoid giving you any more issues

Sorry i didn't mean to imply that masturbation is wrong.

Falkorre

I completely agree with Beruthiel's first post. Read it very carefully.
Beruthiel, you've covered everything I was gonna say mate lol

I also think you would benefit greatly from arranging a visit to talk to a counsellor. If you need contact names etc PM me.

You are quite a strong person u know? You took the first step in asking for advice and that aint easy no matter where u do it. Good onya!

But now u gotta take the next step. Thats sharing your thoughts with somone who can tell you, face to face, that they are going to help you through. Even if its a phone service like the samaritans, it will help.

If you want I can give u contact numbers for people who can and will help u

B