So very confused

Heman

just lookin for a bit of advice directed more so at the ladies than anythin.Ive been goin out with a girl for almost three years now and recently we broke up,it was her decision.She said her reason was that she felt it was too long to be goin ot with the one person,we are still very young(early twenties).We were goin through a bit of a bad patch as of late and already had been through the whole "break" thing.Anyways she decided that things werent workin out between us,all of a sudden really. She said she would like us to be friends and all of that but i told her it would take me a while to get over her first,its been nearly 2 weeks since we broke up(long time i know!)but i really would like to ring her but i know that i still have very strong feelings for her and she has the same for me.She told me this but she was feeling kinda pressurised with the whole time thing,now i understand that we are still young and im not thinkin about marraige or anythin crazy like that. I was just wondering whats she really thinkin?is it that shes sick of me and really doesnt want anythin todo with me or is it that shes just as she says pressurised with the whole time thing and if this is the case should i ring her and keep being her friend(remembering now how i feel about her)I dont want to end up as a crutch for her anytime shes feeling down

Busy Hands

Do nothing yet. Wait until you bump into her or she rings you first and you can gauge things from there! (I know you were primarily looking for female advice, but you can have that for free anyway.)

Beruthiel

If you are in your early twenties and were together 3 years, then you started going out together late teens? So, I’m afraid you are both still changing a lot, settling down with someone in that situation almost rarely works. If you were to go ahead and get married (as, like an idiot I did) then the chances of it not working out are extremely high.
You both need to experience relationships with other people, sounds to me like she realises this, she is doing both of you a favour!
As for being friends, forget about it for now, you will need at least 6 months (well I did anyway) before it will be possible to just become friends. If you are constantly calling each other and talking etc, then the healing period will just take that much longer and you are just torturing yourself needlessly.
After you have gotten over her and moved on, then you can explore the possibility of being friends.
I know that sounds harsh, but the only one you need concern yourself with right now is you. Get out with your mates and party.
I promise you, if you do this, you won't know yourself in 6 months!

Typedef

The best I every did on time with a chick was 1 1/2 years on and off (and) she lived in the same bloc of flats in a Victorian building as me during that. We broke up within 6 months of her family moving to a different part of the city.

3 years, is bloody good going.

I don't really understand your position since, I dumped her (for various reasons).

In any case, fact is, when you're young, you think these relationships will last for ever.

In the old days, this sentiment was true. In the modern reality, it is largely false.

Roughly 60% of women aged 24-40 are not married.

Roughly 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

So that means that 84% of people never end up with a life partner.

*boggle*

So instead of being dejected about the end of a 3 year thing, be proud that you even managed to make it to 3 years.

Like all relationship endgames you have two basic choices.

Let go and get used to life without her or refuse to accept the reality of the situation, persue her, drive her further away, quicker and feel like a twat, when she tells you one day about this 'really great guy' she's seeing, where upon you sit there and think "He's an asshole and I'm a nice guy... how does this happen?".

So, you know find your inner bastard... make friends with him... hit on her sister.... all these things will help you get on with life.

Once you get used to occasional flings and one night stands, you begin to value your personal space and ability to control your own destiny.

Again, try not to get too uptight about being single and/or not being married/in a relationship, most people these days, don't go there anymore.... it's a symptom of Capitalism and Social attitudes magnified through mass media.
That is why the birth rates of states like Sweden, Germany even this country are on the decline...

In fact, some might argue, that Western civilisation has actually made it more difficult for the human animal to suceed and be prolific (in the Darwinian sense), due to the high availability of the instant gratification culture, which does not lend itself to coupeling men & women into classical sexual pair bonding groups.

Maybe you think thats crap, but, if it is, I'd like to hear a better explaination.

So, comparitively speaking, for this society, you've probably done very well.

</Nihilist rant>

LilyMon

I agree with Beruthiel - I know it's raw at the moment, but constantly dwelling on it is going to be worse - absolute hell. Do something to try and get your mind off it - Go out and have a good time.

Catch_22

Originally posted by Typedef
Roughly 60% of women aged 24-40 are not married.

Roughly 60% of all marriages end in divorce.

So that means that 84% of people never end up with a life partner.

bloody hell where did you learn your maths

if 60% of women 20 -40 are not married i would say that that probably breaks down to 80% 20 - 30 and 40% 30 - 40 maybe less.

even if 60% of marriges end in divorce ( which i doubt ) you dont account for subsequent marriges, so 84% is just pulled out ot no where, of the 80% of 20 - 30 year olds that arent married by what i have said at least half will be ( being conservitave) by the time they are 40 so its no where near 84% of people never end up with a life partner, its rising but its a much lower number.

Typedef

Originally posted by Catch_22
you dont account for subsequent marriges

60% of which (roughly) end in divorce
(since 60% of marriage (not first time marriage) is the given).

*bump*

Of course the caveat I should append is.

Roughly 60 % of women living in urban areas of Dublin, in the given age bracket, are single.

This is a sex and the City statistic... then again, since people outside the pale "don't count".

I feel validated.

For agument sake, lets dispel my worst case numbers, which are a totally urban trend... and half them for a highly liberal national average.

So 42% of people and rising (probably much more then this) will not end up with a life partner, 60% of those who do get married, will get divorced (possibly remarry) and of those... yep, you guessed it... somewhere in the region of 60% get divorced again.

Don't mind Catch_22, breaking up with people is more the norm, increasingly and ever more so, in complex, Western, urban areas.

Cities need to leech people to survive in such an environment.... and for the human in such areas, though you have better access to food, medicine and shelter, then any other species or generation of our own species, it's actually harder for you to succeed in the Darwinian (mate-acquisition) sense, then it was when humans, were hunter-gatherers.

*bump*

sceptre

Just don't do the drunk I really luv ya y'know, what happened, sure you know i bleedin luv ya call at 3am.