getting my exgirlfriend back

JS1

Hello

I was with my girlfriend for 4 years... 5 months ago she went on holidays for 2 weeks with her family... when she was on holidays I went out 1 nite with people from work and I kissed a girl. I was so guilty that the day my girlfriend came back from holiday we went out that night and I told her that i wanted us to break up.. i had alcohol taken by this time and i know i did the wrong thing.. I really wanted to tell her that I loved her so much ... but that one night i kissed a girl and maybe she could give me a chance .. I know i approached it stupidly... In the coming weeks i tried ringing her and texting her to talk but she would refuse my calls...

I turned to drink and when i had alcohol inside me.. i would send her nasty text messages.. i know i was stupid... my ex has now changed her mobile phone number... my friends ( who are her friends too ) are telling me to move on.. but i cant .. i really love this girl.. we were together for 4 years ...we were planning to move in together and then get engaged.. we were really devoted to each other.

we used to speak to each other 3 - 4 times a day.. in the 5 months since we have split up.. we have spoken maybe 4-5 times...

i miss her deeply... i write to her every week... last week she said to not write to her anymore as it is harrassment... she will go to the police if i send her any more letters so i have promised not to write to her anymore..

we met up then last week as she wanted some of her stuff back that i had belonging to her...

she says that we will never be together again.. im just looking for some advice if you can help me.. she knows how i feel about her.. the only reason i was sending these letters is because i messed up big time and i just wanted to explain things to her... Im human and i made a human error a big error but why cant she see that??

Im not a bad person.. sometimes though when i have alcohol in me i could be cruel.. i would be at her about her weight when in fact she was perfect to me.

I am miserable without her and I can't cope without her.. I think i have turned her whole family against me.... We were together for 4 years and i love her and miss her terribly..

Maybe she is still hurting but we were meant to be together ... even she knows that... I just want a second chance.... i would never hurt her again.. i even promised her that i would give up alcohol and would sacrifice anything for her... i dont think she is with anyone at the moment and that would really kill me if i saw her with another fella..

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated

thanks for your time

John

Oriel

<edit> Man got there before me </edit>

uberwolf

what he said ^^^^^^^^^^^^

mod want to move this to personal problems?

Typedef

I recommend getting a guitar and serenading her, in her bedroom.

Either her heart will melt or she'll call the cops.


... Of course another alternative is her old man will kick your ass.

It's all good.

Beruthiel

she says that we will never be together again

That sounds pretty final to me

It’s a bitch I know, but it looks like you’re going to have to suck it up and move on
Keep getting in touch with her and she’ll call the cops, I suppose from her point of view, you’re stalking her, that’s got to stop, you’re doing yourself no favours
Leave her alone for a while, then see how things lie, if there’s no change then it looks like you are going to have to forget her.
it's tough

DMT

Sounds like she's better off without you...

Capt'n Midnight

One question - are you totally off drink now ?

disco_rob_funk

Listen to yourself.

After spending four years or whatever with her, you were getting bored, you wondered about other women and you had an issue with her weight, which only after drinking did you bring up.

You now think the sun shines out of her ears because you can't have her, and you're worried that she could be the only girl for you blah blah blah blah.

If you cared so much about her that you snogged some tart from the office as soon as she left... well, what can I say....?

We all miss our ex's but for feck's sake, pull it together.

RC

Tusky

your a twat

Typedef

Jesus christ man.

Call her up for coffee, go to somewhere with lots of people that's relatively non-threatening.

Have a list of things to say to her....
Just lay all your stuff out there for here, if she rejects you when you totally dump all that stuff on her, then time to move on... at least you know you tried your damndest, if she doesn't reject you, you're sweet anyway.

After the penultimate coffee meeting in town, accept what she says either way and try to get your head around the fact that you can't have her.

This will come in waves.

Mostly I recommend trying to hate her, this gets you from the pining stage to the (I'm ready to fall amongst loose women, like a wolf amongst sheep) mode.

Which is the mind-state you should 'always' be in 'anyway'.

disco_rob_funk

who are you calling a twat?

DMT

Originally posted by disco_rob_funk
who are you calling a twat?

The original poster obviously - it's that old "i'm the focus of all posts after mine" effect that happens after you've made a certain undetermined amount of posts.

I know this, because I too thought he was calling me a twat for a second there....

DaithiSurfer

She obviously hates you now and wants nothing to do with you.
Sounds like she's told you this several times.
You've definitely become a stalker. Thats why her family hate you too.
Talk to your friends and ask them outright if they see you as stalking this poor girl. I bet they do and are sick of being near you.
Cop on, leave the poor girl alone and stop stalking her.
Next you'll be boiling her rabbits.

ferdi

sorry dude but....take it away - Mr Roy Orbison ladys and gentlemen!

Your baby doesn't love you anymore

Golden days before they end,
Whisper secrets to the wind
Your baby won't be near you anymore.


Tender nights before they fly
And falling stars that seem to cry
Your baby doesen't want you anymore
It's over.


It breaks your heart in two
To know she's been untrue
But, oh what will you do?
When she says to you there's someone new
We're through, we're through.


It's over
It's over
it's over


All the rainbows in the sky
Start to weep and say goodbye
You won't be seeing rainbows anymore.


Setting suns before they fall
They come to you. That's all, that's all
But you'll see lonely sunsets after all.


It's over, It's over, it's over
It's over

(its over by roy orbison)

Tusky

I was calling the original poster a twat , hes in love with a girl , shes in love with him , he cheats on her , then he sends her abusive text messages , then he sends he so many letters she gets scared and is about to call the police and your STILL trying to get her back ?

that is why you ser are a twat

malico

Its the age old wanting what you cant have paradox.

I'd have to say it does seem like you're a stalker to her. Leave her alone. For gods sake when your / her friends are telling you to leave her alone and get on with your life, take the advice! Have some respect for youself.

He he! Maybe he could get with my bunny boiling x! That woudl be fun. 2 birds, one stone anyone!

Gordon

What disco rob funk said.

Tusky /slap. Although you explained yourself theres no need for twattage.

spooiirt!!

chop off youre knob, its what i did.

gandalf

Well from reading your post I would say its dead and you should move on mate !!

If you cannot do this then do what Typedef said try and arrange to meet her in a public place, preferably somewhere that doesn't serve alcohol and talk to her telling her all you have said here. At least if she rejects you here you have closure on the relationship. If she doesn't want to meet then the same thing, it is definately over and you need to move on.

Get out there and enjoy life, make up with your family and in a few months it won't hurt as much (it will still hurt but hell life would be boring if all we had were good times!).

Good luck whatever happens, but give up the letters, txt messages etc. thats just getting plain scary man!

Gandalf.

(btw all the idiots on these PI threads that post comments like "cut you knob off etc" obviously have never been in a relationship and really haven't a clue. Please stay on the Counterstrike board in future eh!)

Beruthiel

Originally posted by spooiirt!!
chop off youre knob, its what i did

spooiirt!! if you can't post a helpful comment
then don't post at all
last warning
B

marrakesh

You sound like a sad pathetic chap.

Cop urself on lad and get back out there.

Think of whom is most important person to urself in ur life its u, lose any emotional baggage that comes along the way..

U need to get a grip of urself and take up a new pastime / hobby.

Never get urself emotionally involved in that type of predicament again. You should be able to learn a good lesson from this.

Never let anyone woman screw with ur head and emotions. Ringing someone 5 times a day is an obsession in my opinion.

You need to get a grip of urself man stand up and be counted.

hipchick

I went through a very rough breakup last year and this guy did nearly exactely what youre doing, so i know how she's feeling.

You need to take a step back and look at it from another perspective...put yourself in her shoes...with the way you've been acting towards her (she's scared of you and what you may be capable of doing).

Don't contact her for a while and get your self together, if you still feel the same then do as Typedef said and meet her somewhere with lots of people (remember she needs security) and talk to her rationally..don't lose the head....

Best of luck!!

j0e9o

also lad lay off the booze if not ur leading ureself into a lonely life of u and jack

alienhead

dude, dont sound like you got a hope in hell.

deathcube ^_^

just relax forget about it,
take some vitamins, eat proper food, pull yourself together... forget about this crap

and dont do it again

loismustdie

LEAVE HER ALONE - can't stress this enough. let her know that you still love her but give her her space. if she wants you back she knows she can have you, and if not you won't wreck her head or you'll lose her altogether

Doctor Spoc

The exact thing happened with me and my ex, it's wierd now 'cause he's going out with my "friend" (although she is no longer, she tried it on when he and i were together!) and she's always calling him, touching him, etc. (actually i can't think of any more stuff on that) and he's getting real pissed about that. now when we're hanging out with our friends (the same group of good friends kinda stuff.) we avoid eye contact and try not to talk to each other, our friends are trying to make us friends though and 'cause of the pressure, we're more annoyed at our friends than each other, my advice to you is not to cut off your nob (that's just pointless, and it'll make sure that you'll never get laid again) no, instead go out with the office tart, maybe that'll turn the girl's head or, if you would rather not use someone for your own petty revenge, go out, make friends, meet people, give the girl some room to breathe, k?;)



"he crys blood when he sleeps!"

CCCP^

Hello.

I think I can kind of identify with what your feeling "John"....if that is your real name

You love this girl, nobody disputes this. But it's more than love your feeling. From what I interpreted, your feeling guilty. There's nothing like guilt to drive you insane, especially when it's well founded.

I'm not going to preach the bull**** I know you'd like to hear. I'm going to tell the truth. John, you have to accept that this is over. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You did mess up, but your only human. Move on. If you dont, this will destroy you. Learn your lesson, and make sure it's never repeated.

You can do it.

PS - An apology to this girl at a later stage would be significient.

ballooba

Sorry if someone has suggested this already but why don't you try having a toss?

Work's for me.

Typedef

Neutral territory.

Always good to assuage potential flaming bust-ups and drive your point across with the minimum chance of rage-filled couter arguments.

Moreover, coffee in a neutral place is .... stylish.

Yes...

Wear your pinstripes.... and smoke one of those cigarettes with the long, long plastic filters.

A manacle and waxed moustache ... then talk to her about your 'acquisitions' and nod, to well dress looking people in said coffee shop.

If she's not putty in your hands by then, clearly the woman is not fit to be regarded as simian..... and the best course of action is to call your good old boy friends, to take her away to the zoo.

Proper order I say, all this women's lib, interfering with the ... order of things.

wasabi

haha, i hope you mean a monocle and waxed moustache, but then again being handcuffed might help with appearing nonthreatening.

another thing is try your best to appear not too madly desperate (even if you are really). it's sort of a turnoff. i had an ex once who went on and on about killing himself because I'd left him and while i felt really bad about him and obviously tried to be nice and supportive stuff but all i wanted to do was to run a mile at that point. i eased myself out of his life as much as i could afterwards. (he is still alive btw).

and remember there are other fish in the sea and other things in life apart from being in a relationship. you can be more yourself when you're single.

Havelock

Man, walk away. When it is you who have messed up, there is nothing you can do bar apologise and if thats not good enought nothing is going to change their mind. Women (unfortunatly) tend to be sure when they break up with people. (Or to stubborn to admit otherwise). Ok, you acted the utter jerk, and you ----ed up completly. Cut the drink out, if you can't do it alone go to the AA, apologise to her, explain what happened, though wouldn't hold your breath on her changing her mind. Coffee shop is a good idea. Hope you get better soon.

yossarin

walk away. You've built this huge emotional hole around this girl. You've tried everything you can think of to get her back, and reading between the lines of your post theres at least a bit you're not telling us.

you're done. clamber out and walk away.
just cut and walk, run if you have to.

Tray

Originally posted by DMT
Sounds like she's better off without you...

Oh thats helpful!:rolleyes:

krattapopov

time to walk the path you set out for yourself when you kissed that other girl... move on, its the only thing for it and leave her alone as well

Capt'n Midnight

Hindsight is an exact science.

You've painted your self into a corner and if you can't accept what other people now think then you've no right to expect them to accept what you think. If you are not mature to accept the consequences of your actions then it would be hard for her to see you as Mr Right... It's a catch 22 , the best way to show you are worthy of redemption is to walk away - which is not what you want to hear - then again it sounds like she don't want to hear anything.

Overall if you think you are entitled to any special treatment then by extension so is she and well it's Catch 22 again..