*Short Funnies*

UnrealQueen

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."

---

Never mock a man 'till you have walked a mile in his shoes.
After that, who cares?
He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!!

---

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy?"

Mickey replied; "No I didn't; I said she was F****n' Goofy

---

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

---

A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.


"Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"


The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are already on the other side."

---

UnrealQueen

An elderly man went to the Doctors. He explained to the Doctor that he has a young wife, and although they were sexually active together, his wife had never had an orgasm, no matter what they tried, and he was worried that she might leave him because of this.
The Doctor said ' Get a young, well-endowed man, have him stand in front of your wife when you are making love, ensuring that she can see his manhood, and have him waving a towel over you. That should do the trick'.
So the elderly man tried this, but still his wife didn't orgasm. Back to the Doctors he went.
'Next time,' said the Doctor, 'have the young man make love to your wife while YOU wave the towel, that should do the trick'.
So the elderly man tried this, and sure enough, his wife had a screaming, creaming orgasm.
After they had finished, the elderly man tapped the young man on the shoulder and said.....




'That's how to wave a f*****g towel, sonny!!!'

---

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing is wrong' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

---

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every
year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50
dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm
85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another
chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is
dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take
you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not
say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a
word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did
everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but
50 dollars is 50 dollars."

---

pyramid man

Originally posted by KoolSexyBitch


_________________________________________________
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy?"

Mickey replied; "No I didn't; I said she was F****n' Goofy

---

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

---

A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.


"Yoohoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"


The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are already on the other side."

---

these got a laugh out of me.
i like them.

Pugsley

Some real good ones there, loved the last one and the mickey mouse ones especially

quank

Originally posted by KoolSexyBitch
An elderly man went to the Doctors. He explained to the Doctor that he has a young wife, and although they were sexually active together, his wife had never had an orgasm, no matter what they tried, and he was worried that she might leave him because of this.
The Doctor said ' Get a young, well-endowed man, have him stand in front of your wife when you are making love, ensuring that she can see his manhood, and have him waving a towel over you. That should do the trick'.
So the elderly man tried this, but still his wife didn't orgasm. Back to the Doctors he went.
'Next time,' said the Doctor, 'have the young man make love to your wife while YOU wave the towel, that should do the trick'.
So the elderly man tried this, and sure enough, his wife had a screaming, creaming orgasm.
After they had finished, the elderly man tapped the young man on the shoulder and said.....




'That's how to wave a f*****g towel, sonny!!!'

LOL
that one is hilarious!:)

j0e9o

the mickey mouse one owned

Mossy Monk

most excellent

pretty-in-pink

boom boom, i much like them all:D

Agent7249

Originally posted by quank
LOL
that one is hilarious!:)

ditto