Non Quake- Offensive, Thus Funny

Monty - the one and only · 20-10-1999 9:49am #1

One of my work mates sent this, this morning

I opplogise, If any one finds this to offensive.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
> > > >
How is a pussy like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt
when you eat them.
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What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13
or 14 years of age.
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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
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Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good
for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A
battery has a positive side.
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What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
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Why don't pygmies wear tampons? They keep stepping on the
strings.
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What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other?
A block of flaps!
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How do we know God is a man? Because if God were a woman,
sperm would taste like chocolate!
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Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
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What's the best thing about Alzheimer's disease? You get to
meet new people every day!
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What do rednecks do for Halloween? Pump kin!
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Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand
seeing a man have a good time.
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Why do men like *******s? It's the only time they can get
something into a woman's head straight!
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What's the biggest problem for an atheist? No-one to talk
to during an orgasm!
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What's worse than a cardboard box? Paper tits!
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What is 60 foot long and stinks of ****? A conga in an old
people's home!
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What do women & dog turds have in common? The older they
are, the easier they are to pick up!
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What's the best thing about a blow job? Five minutes of
peace and quiet.
> > > >
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't
think he's a lawyer
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What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff
when you wake up? Vomit.
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What's the medical term for a female-to-male sex change
operation? Strapadictomy.
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Two condoms walk past a gay bar. One of them says to the
other, "Hey, whaddya say we go in there & get ****-faced?"
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Why is the space between a girl's tits and hips called the
waist? Because you could have put another pair of tits in there.
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What do you call three dogs and a blackbird? The Spice Girls
> > > >
What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an
eighty year-old and walking the tightrope? In both cases you
really don't want to look down...
> >

[This message has been edited by Monty - the one and only (edited 24-10-99).]